this post was submitted on 24 Oct 2023
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Funny: Home of the Haha

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[–] JPSound 247 points 1 year ago (5 children)

I found a kickass stick 4 years ago in the Smokies the weekend my wife and I got married. It's literally the perfect stick. Straight, smooth, nice thickness, durable as hell. Must be of a rare hardwood variety, I would imagine. I still have that stick in the corner and I see it everyday when I'm sitting at my PC. Have I ever used it for anything? I wouldn't dare. It's too nice of a stick to just use on a whim. Why do I keep it around? Well, if I ever had a problem that required a really nice fuckin stick, I'm covered. Every year or so, my wife says to me, "JPSound, you still have that stick?! Why do you keep that thing around?" I look that woman dead in the eyes and say, "there will come a day, my bride, when the creator of all shall lay before us an obstacle, nay, a challenge that only a mighty stick of such grandeur may aid us in such a lofty trial. And this stick, my dearest, this stick awaits our call to guide us into the sunkissed valley of victory so sweet. Only then shall you see what I see. Know what I know now, that this mear stick, is far more than it seems. Then you will know, I am the mighty protector of this home and family. You will see, my love. You will see." Then she usually just rolls her eyes and says, "whatever... I gotta run to the grocery store. Do you need anything special?" And I respond with a mighty boom, "yeah, that fancy chocolate milk I like, please."

[–] JPSound 275 points 1 year ago (39 children)

I may never get another chance to share this with the world, so may I present to you...

[–] [email protected] 81 points 1 year ago

Dude that may be the most perfect stick I've ever seen.

[–] Skkorm 71 points 1 year ago

That IS a really good stick

[–] [email protected] 56 points 1 year ago

That stick did not dissapoint

[–] [email protected] 52 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

That's a pretty fantastic stick.

I read your whole comment and I was skeptical. But you're totally right about everything.

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[–] [email protected] 39 points 1 year ago

This is a one bitching stick.

[–] LifeInMultipleChoice 37 points 1 year ago

Shit, that's a nice stick.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 year ago

That's a nice fuckin stick

[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 year ago
[–] indepndnt 29 points 1 year ago

I have to admit, I thought you were exaggerating. But that's a damn fine stick.

[–] Sanity_in_Moderation 26 points 1 year ago

That's a fantastic stick. Don't throw it away.

[–] pyromaster55 26 points 1 year ago

That is a quality fuckin stick my man.

[–] ProfessorProteus 25 points 1 year ago

Would that I had such a perfect stick... I can't blame you for not using it. Just don't let the dust collect on it!

I've never worked with wood, but I imagine a layer of mineral oil could keep it looking great.

[–] qarbone 24 points 1 year ago

Damn. That's a helluva stick. You better treasure that

[–] CDenno 24 points 1 year ago

That is one helluva nice stick.

[–] kSPvhmTOlwvMd7Y7E 23 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It has a 1.5x buff for dark damage! Rare drop

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[–] [email protected] 55 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Memories of the wedding that weekend? Spotty at best.

Memories of finding that stick? Near photographic.

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[–] [email protected] 118 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I found a good stick once. Damn, that was a nice stick.

[–] [email protected] 85 points 1 year ago (4 children)

I used a perfect stick once. I was backpacking in the high Sierra's and found the perfect walking stick. I carried it the entire trip, used it to poke at fires, kept my balance with it over difficult terrain, and imagined it would be a formidable weapon should we encounter a bear. When we finished the trip I decided to bestow my perfect stick upon the next fortuitous hiker to pass the trailhead. I carved my name and the date into the middle of the stick and left it leaning against the trailhead. I have thought about that stick many times since that trip. I was a fool to leave it there. Never again have I found such a perfect stick. After many disappointing treks into the wilderness I finally gave up seeking that stick's equal and instead purchased trekking poles. Wherever you are stick, I miss you.

[–] [email protected] 37 points 1 year ago

You bestowing it in the next lucky hiker was an act of love...

[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 year ago

Shut up, I'm not crying, you are ...

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[–] [email protected] 77 points 1 year ago (14 children)

No, lots of girls and women like sticks too. This lady is just a weirdo for not liking them.

[–] [email protected] 39 points 1 year ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 68 points 1 year ago (1 children)

"Who would win in a fight? An army guy or a stick?"

"That's stupid. The army guy would just break the stick in half."

"Ah, but now there are two sticks. Stick win every time."

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[–] [email protected] 57 points 1 year ago (6 children)

Woman here, this is my prized stick. I found it maybe 15 years ago I think? I was camping on the Oregon coast, the absolute straightness of it stood out from a mile away. Brought it home, cut the ends off to be flat, and hand-smoothed the handle. For a long time I used it for killing spiders (it was perfect for that they never got away) but it has since retired now that I'm less scared of being poisoned and just catch/release them. One day when I'm decomposing I hope for this to be doing the same by my side.

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[–] [email protected] 50 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Love for sticks is hardwired deep in our brain. What's the first thing a toddler does outside? Find a stick and swing it around. Dig with it. Hit stuff with it. Invent games with it. Build with it. Sticks are fundamental to human behavior and civilization.

[–] hperrin 33 points 1 year ago

Not just humans too. Most primates love playing with/using sticks.

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[–] Aceticon 45 points 1 year ago

It's a free and useful material to go along with a child's imagination (it can be a gun, it can be a sword, it can be a teacher's pointer, it can be a flagpole, it can be used as basis for all manner of constructions, you can use it to poke a things or make small holes, it lets you reach things which would otherwise be beyond your reach and so on...) plus its a complex enough object to be interesting in itself not just in shape but in texture, plus sticks come in lots of variations in shape and size.

Even the process of selecting the right stick for something you have in mind can be intellectually stimulating.

Or to put it in another way, sticks are a great basic elements for kids to invent and play their own games, they're usefull for a lot of things and you can find them for free on the ground.

[–] [email protected] 43 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Imagine what you could do with that stick, so many options...

[–] RaoulDook 29 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It's the fundamental tool that Nature provides man

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[–] psycho_driver 42 points 1 year ago

It's a starter weapon until they get a long dagger or short sword, which is the first step up on their way to earning a katana.

[–] RememberTheApollo_ 41 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

It’s a shovel. A hole-maker. An imaginary sword. A club. A whacky-thing with which to hit things. A thing to drag along the ground and leave marks. Drag across fences or walls to feel and hear the sound. A spear, after you’ve sharpened it in the campfire. A pointer. A poker at strange and unknown critters you find under rocks. A tool to remove spiderwebs from your path. A pry bar. So, so many things.

Truly, she has no clue what “just a stick” is.

Sticks are incredible.

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[–] essteeyou 40 points 1 year ago (6 children)

It's not just sticks though. Sometimes you find a perfect stone. Flat and round, triangular, square... Good stones.

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[–] Hellstormy 40 points 1 year ago (5 children)

Time for my collection to shine! I'm a woman though.

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[–] hperrin 36 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Complaining about free toys provided by nature…

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[–] [email protected] 36 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

It's our ancestral birthright. The instinctive allure of a quality tool. The mightu stick. Simple yet sublime. One of the original old reliables.

[–] ramenshaman 34 points 1 year ago (3 children)

This makes me miss /r/justguysbeingdudes

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[–] Torvum 33 points 1 year ago (4 children)

Women will never know the instinctual urge of a man and his need for a good stick. You can walk with them, you can sharpen them into spears, you can have a good thrashing, play with your pet.

The gentleman's utility.

[–] GratefullyGodless 24 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Actually it's my wife who collects sticks, she sees a nice stick and brings it home intending to turn it into a wand at some point. So, we have a nice box of sticks in the garage, but still no actual wands yet.

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[–] Harpsist 29 points 1 year ago (1 children)

My kid once had me drive 9km so she could get a stick (tree branches twice as big as her) she found at school.

That was in June. It's October now. We still have the stick.

No one breaks or burns it. It's the stick after all.

Not just a boy thing :)

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[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 year ago (4 children)

son liked the stick, father was supportive of son. love it

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[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Its a primitive thing, maybe... Like a genetic memory.

A good stick is a bad ass tool when you only have your hands, its free and plentiful, and its no big loss to start over.

You can use a stick to kill or stun animals, dig a trench for waste, with more sticks and some sort of cover you make a shelter, sticks are also fuel for fire, a stick can get you into a sheltered situation, possibly with a warm meal, and its just a bunch of sticks.

Add a pointed rock to the mix? Fuck, now you have one of the most effective weapons in the history of humanity.

A good stick and a good rock is the most primitive tool set we had, and it was available to everyone.

I really need to get back into field craft.

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[–] Kjatten 26 points 1 year ago
[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 year ago
[–] formergijoe 24 points 1 year ago

My daughter loves collecting sticks. Not just a guy thing

[–] LazaroFilm 24 points 1 year ago (4 children)

Primal instincts taking over. Sticks are good for a lot of things. Fire, spear, walking, poking things out of trees, throwing at the dog… sticks are good.

[–] hperrin 23 points 1 year ago (9 children)
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