this post was submitted on 21 Aug 2023
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[–] [email protected] 51 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (8 children)

Lisp. All is Lisp.

Data's entire consciousness was written as an Emacs package.

Klingons program in Brainfuck. A Warrior's Language!

Vulcans exclusively use APL.

The F in Ferengi stands for Fortran.

Python is banned across the known galaxy. If your race is discovered using it, your planet is immediately bombarded until the entire crust is molten.

Cardassians use Haskell because they're evil.

[–] zeet 40 points 1 year ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago

Holy shit you win, lol

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

That's what the Pakled use. The best of them actually use QuickBasic to "make it go faster".

[–] Ensign_Crab 19 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The F in Ferengi stands for Fortran.

If Ferengi were to use a language that old, you'd think it would be the COmmon Business-Oriented Language.

[–] MajorHavoc 17 points 1 year ago

Just to add - obviously all Ferengi programs run on a Blockchain, and are riddled with microtransactions.

[–] MajorHavoc 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'll just add that Data was previously built as a Vi plugin, but it was evil, so Doctor Soong disassembled it and shut it down. A lot of trouble could have been saved it Dr Soong had learned how to actually exit Vi.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Evil as in emacs evil-mode?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Are you sure? They might have learned something then. Or did they get stuck with a turtle-logic compiler instead?

[–] directive0 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The reason has been purged, intentionally forgotten. Vulcans train their entire lives to take on a dangerous task: once every 66 years, the very best of the best view the reason why Python is banned. Once viewed, the Vulcan confirms that it is indeed a just and necessary action to ban the ancient language.

After the task is complete, the Vulcan goes utterly, irretrievably insane and dies mere hours later.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

The Q continum uses forth.

[–] [email protected] 36 points 1 year ago (4 children)
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[–] WhoRoger 28 points 1 year ago (6 children)

Have you seen how people do programming? We see lots of it in Voyager around holograms. It's basically today's AI programming assistants on steroids. everything probably uses some fucking 300 years JavaScript as a basis, and that's why everything keeps breaking all the time.

[–] TootSweet 24 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I really want to see an episode of Lower Decks where the captain watches engineers write programs, comes to the conclusion that "programming is just talking to the computer -- I can do that" and fires all the engineers (or transfers them to other functions.)

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

Thanks, I read it in Freeman's voice.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago

Yeah they just tell the computer what they want. They're prompt engineers hundreds of years in the future. Programming, replicator, holodeck, lights in the quarters, whatever. Makes you wonder what all the button pushing is on the bridge. Maybe because it's quieter than everyone talking over each other?

[–] MajorHavoc 10 points 1 year ago

Thank you for plausibly explaining every holodeck episode. That's canon for me now.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

This is simply too good...

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[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 year ago
[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

lieutenant commander data structures.

[–] Moc 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You know it’s JavaScript

[–] MajorHavoc 2 points 1 year ago

Wow. That would explain why a light tap to the shields causes everyone's interface to explode in their face.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

Polarity reversal

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago
[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

Ostensibly Lisp, but most of it is hacked together with perl.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

@ZenkorSoraz To paraphrase a developer from the ‘80s: “I don't know what the language of the future will look like, but I know it will be called Fortran.”

[–] CADmonkey 3 points 1 year ago

If it's the original series, one has to assume that whatever programming is done, is done on a teletype. Nowhere in Star Trek:TOS is there a screen with words on it, because when the show was made... screens with words on them weren't how you got info from a computer.

[–] bhamlin 2 points 1 year ago

Rust. Everything is eventually becoming crabs.