Asklemmy

When my grandmother met my now wife, who is from Alabama, my grandmother told her “well, we all have to be from somewhere”

“Better an empty house, than a bad tenant” after every loud fart.

"You don't have to shovel rain." - My grandfather when asked why he moved the family from Wisconsin to Oregon.

"How are you ever gonna keep a job if you can't keep juice in a cup?!"

I was 9 years old

My grandmother used to say: if you expect your good deed to be reciprocated, you’re not actually doing a good deed.

She said it in dutch, so I hope it’s an decent translation.

My grandma would say "he can put his boots at the foot of my bed." My grandma had the hots for lots of younger country singers.

From my mom, not my grandparents, but we've gotten a lot of mileage out of this one

"If I find it, can I hit you with it?"

Used when we were bugging her about not being able to find something. Don't believe she ever made good on that threat, but it usually did it's intended purpose of getting us to quit bugging her and find it ourselves. And if it was something we really needed help finding it would have been an acceptable trade-off.

My sister got a lot of use out of it with her college roommates and my wife and I use it with each other pretty regularly.

My grandpa had a million one liners, most were somewhat inappropriate but here's a fun one. He'd say, "Did anyone get hurt in that wreck?" To any of my friends that drove over. When they inevitably asked "what wreck?" He'd say, "the one you pulled up in." This was devastating to the ones who were super proud of their cars. Lol

From my grandmother: "Essen! Essen!" (Eat! Eat!) Followed quickly by "You need to lose weight! You're getting fat!"

‘Whits fur ye will no’ go past ye’ - what’s for you will not go past you

My wee Scottish granny had some real wisdom.

‘No point in worrying about somethin cos if it happens ye suffer twice!’

Friend's grandfather used to say...

The hurrier I go the behinder I get.

When he was talking about turning 100: "I can't see, and I can't hear, but I can still eat so I'm not going to die."

He did indeed make it to 100.

My grandmother: “You can get glad in the same pants that you got mad in.”

Also, when you’re hurt: “it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.”

My grandmother said, "The time for tarts are when they're passing." She meant "take what's offered when its offered," but I want it printed on the programs at my funeral

Anything bad happens:

My grandad: "FLAMING JACKSAWS AND BUCKETS OF BLOOD!"

He was never in a metal band that I'm aware of.

When he wanted to remind us to turn off lights, he'd yell "save electrodes!"

When he was splitting wood with the "kabunger" (splitting maul) he'd yell "katabuungie!" When he swung.

When he'd drop wood on his toe he'd yell "GOTDAMMITSONOFABITCHGRAAH"

It's not so much a catch phrase, but words that I will always remember.

My grandmother was a WWII vet who came home and vowed to be a pacifist. She raised 7 kids before going back to school. She was at Kent State in 1970, working on her masters degree. She happened to be on the commons when bullets started flying.

She died ~2002. When we were cleaning out her belongings we came across a brown stained handkerchief in a plastic bag along with some news clippings. The clippings were her letter to the editor of the Akron Beacon Journal describing her experience on May 4th. The hanky had a little handwritten note that said "this is the blood of Allison Krause. Shed for many. May 4th, 1970".

My grandmother was an amazing woman who did so many great things after the war. You could easily write a movie about her accomplishments. But out of everything she did, the words on that little note made the biggest impact on who I would grow to be.

Here's a little write up about the hankerchief/clippings.

"Who just shit my pants?"

In response to someone saying "oh my god" every single time, without fail:

"Well he's my god too!"

You make a better door than a window.

AKA move

Two that I often quote:

Into each life, a little rain must fall. (almost always delivered sarcastically)

And:

Well, people in hell want ice water.

I loved that woman. Wish I would have known her better.

"A boat is a hole in the water you throw money in." - Grandpa

"It's like that for a while...then it gets worse." - Grandpa

"Even the worst pizza is still pretty damn good." - Grandpa

No idea if, or who, he may have stolen those sayings from but I'll always remember him for them.

A blind man would be happy to see that. (About a task completed poorly on a jobsite)

"who is she? The cats mother?"

If you ever refer to my grandmother as "she" or "her" she will cut you off to say that.

My grandpa whenever we scraped our knee or something: "You'll grow new bark"

"There's not enough blue to make a cat a pair of pants!"

From my southern grandmother, when she'd spot a break in the clouds on an overcast day

"Getting old's not for pussies" - my Grandma

My maternal grandfather said "By Jove" a lot.

My paternal grandfather had a lot of sayings: "here's me head, me arse is coming", "she walks with a bit of a run", etc - typing them out a lot had to do with the way people walked. There are more though.

My grandfather would say “Is your daddy a glassmaker?” And when we’d inevitably say no, “Then get from in front the tv!” Meaning we were in his way, as children tend to be lol. Me and husband use this all the time with each other.

"Never fear the sea, fear the storm."

When I die, just stick a ham bone up me ass and let the dogs carry me away.

All my grandparents passed when I was young and I didn't know them well. However, my uncle quotes his father quite a bit. General advice "Never do anything you wouldn't want to read about in the paper." Whenever he offers you something, or is jokingly telling you why you shouldn't do something "It will make your babies come out naked and screaming" Also my mom's side of the family has a common last name and my grandfather stated that if we met another person that shared our last name that we could accept them as family if they were "reasonably dressed, moderately sober, and not asking for money"

My Pop, whenever he was asked where something was: "It's in Annie's room, behind the clock." There was no Annie in our family, nor a bedroom with a clock you could put things behind.

Also my Pop whenever asked what something was: "It's a wig-wam for a goose's bridle."

These may not be iconic to anyone else, but they are sure as hell iconic in family lore, and us grand-kids are making sure we pass it down as much as we can.

"You make a better door than you do a window." ...Anytime we got in front of the TV.

My great grandma would say: "There's nothing bad which would not result in something good."

“You may have descended from monkeys but not me” from my grandma. She was a stubborn woman who had a hard time adjusting to the idea of evolution. I’m mostly atheist but I still get a kick out of this one

Some grandparents say "goodbye", my grandparents always departed with "Don't take any wooden nickels!"

When doing stuff, my grandfather would sometimes say:

"Even small things help", said the fly, and she pissed into the sea.

Always made me laugh.

My grandfather: "Life is hard only for those who are soft."

Whenever I got hurt, my grandmother would say "It'll get better before you're married!" I use that to this day with my nieces and nephews, who are not amused.

"How'd you seem to be this morning?"

My grandpa was german. In german, jetztwhich in english would be pronounced something like “yetst”, means “now”. His whole life he would use “yet” in place of where an english-native speaker would say “now”, and i always thought that was adorable.