this post was submitted on 13 Feb 2025
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The Onion

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The Onion

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[–] [email protected] 131 points 6 days ago (1 children)

... Oh, it's treated wood? Never mind. RIP.

[–] Tudsamfa 15 points 5 days ago

I always crack up at the nonchalant "sources confirm" in this kind of article.

[–] [email protected] 36 points 6 days ago (2 children)

Yeah, but it just soaked up bacteria in the sink…

[–] [email protected] 65 points 6 days ago (2 children)

Actually, the capillary action of wood is antibacterial. It dehydrates the cells and they die.

Wood cutting boards are more hygienic than plastic.

[–] karpintero 23 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (1 children)

Yep, read an article about not applying finish to cutting boards for this reason.

Also found out open grain woods might be better at preventing bacteria from building up, was always told the opposite.

[–] OrganicMustard 6 points 6 days ago (3 children)

Maybe at first, but I don't want my cutting board sucking food juices for years.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 days ago

Woodworker here: This is why wooden cutting boards are coated with an ingestion safe oil or paste wax before use. Prevents significant fluid ingress. Then hand wash it and stand it vertically to air dry.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

I just wish my partner wouldn't leave wooden chopping boards or spoons soaking in water overnight. Want to get a somewhat decent one but I know it's inevitable.

Maybe I should just buy some nice hardwood board and cut one to size and use that as a choppig board. A lot cheaper than buying something labelled as a chopping board.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 days ago

Find a local wood shop and ask if they have any hardwood scrap pieces. I got a bunch of small pieces of red oak for free that work great as a cutting board

[–] [email protected] 22 points 6 days ago (4 children)

Where else am i to get my required daily dose of microplastic?

[–] SkunkWorkz 13 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Just inhale. Especially if you are in a closed environment without proper ventilation. Many clothing are made with synthetic fiber blends, so there is plastic micro fibers in every home.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 days ago (1 children)

You can choose not to buy polyester clothing. Most of mine is cotton.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 days ago

Ah, but car tires are the #1 cause of microplastic pollution and in the US there aren't any cities that are car free

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 days ago

Car tire dust. Most of the plastic in your body comes from car tires

[–] [email protected] 7 points 6 days ago

Drinking water?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 days ago

Eating animals and plants

[–] Tikiporch 10 points 6 days ago (1 children)

At press time, sources confirmed moisture within the wooden spoon had caused Davies to contract a drug-resistant and potentially fatal fungal infection.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 days ago

Heh, I didn’t read the article! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[–] riodoro1 7 points 4 days ago

Why is this on the onion if its true?

[–] [email protected] 16 points 5 days ago

Wait until you learn about the mycotoxins that can accumulate in wood.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 days ago

well, it depends

If the wood used to make the spoon has been treated with chemical agents, it can potentially cause cancer as well.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 6 days ago

And they called me mad for doing the work I do. MWHAHA!

[–] [email protected] 12 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Splinters could cause small wounds in the lips or tongue. Over time, there will be a slight increase in cancer risk. Also, cancer needs nutrients to grow, so anything that helps you to eat could eventually lead to cancer. Better to wither away than aid your cells in growing and dividing, I always say.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 days ago

Indeed, being a multicellular organism usually means you're either pre-cancer or already have tumors that have not yet become malignant.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 days ago
[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 days ago

I thought bamboo was grass not wood

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 days ago (2 children)

Intruder that broke into his house, snapped the wooden spoon in half and impaled him with it.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 days ago

This comment gave me cancer

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 days ago

An intruder named Van Helsing?

[–] hypnicjerk 1 points 6 days ago (1 children)
[–] Lost_My_Mind 4 points 6 days ago (1 children)
[–] hypnicjerk 0 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

"wooden spoon only thing... that not giving him cancer"

it should be that is not / that's not / not. 'that not' is nonsense with a singular subject.

[–] Lost_My_Mind 2 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Whatchu talkin bout willis?

[–] hypnicjerk 1 points 5 days ago

you're right, that looks like i had a stroke

headline should read "Wooden Spoon Only Thing In Man's Life Not Giving Him Cancer". "That not giving" is grammatically incorrect.

[–] BreadOven -4 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Why use more words when less work? (I know it's the actual title of the article, no offense towards you, op).

[–] sulgoth 5 points 5 days ago (1 children)

It's newspaper title logic, it's been a thing forever. It was too save space back where every letter counted.

[–] BreadOven 2 points 5 days ago

Yeah. Sorry, I was just being dumb. As I said nothing against OP.