this post was submitted on 28 Jan 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

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[–] RememberTheApollo_ 10 points 18 hours ago

She can't run for shit, I'd bet. She wasn't running anywhere except to her side piece's house. Point was to be away, the excuse was the 5k.

[–] OmegaCloud 90 points 2 days ago

If true the wife probably wanted some alone time with her boyfriend and her husband ruined it.

[–] [email protected] 61 points 2 days ago (1 children)

This is 4chan so the story is prob missing that their in an active divorce or some shit 💀

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[–] Meissnerscorpsucle 80 points 2 days ago (1 children)

if it where true, it would be because she is planning to run with her boyfriend.

[–] Reddfugee42 50 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 32 points 2 days ago

They would be running but the wife doesn't want to!

[–] [email protected] 85 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Why would OP's wife not just sign herself up if she was going to run? Or realise something was off when her partner told her that they'd done it for her. "Hello, I'd like to sign my wife up for this run. Oh no, I won't be participating myself." Feels kind of weird. But this a 4chan post so can't possibly be fake or gay.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 18 hours ago

Fake: OP can barely get from the chair to the bathroom, no way they're running anywhere.

Gay: OP's "wife" is a their regular pizza delivery person, which is a dude. The friendly banter at the door got weird quick.

[–] Bojack411 193 points 2 days ago (6 children)

Im sure his side of the story isn't warped to make himself seem like a saint and her a bitch. 👍

[–] [email protected] 134 points 2 days ago (2 children)

It's /b, the whole thing is probably made up

[–] [email protected] 45 points 2 days ago (1 children)

And it's actually not a wife but a husband.

[–] [email protected] 41 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 days ago

Fake: Anon has a wife

Gay: Anon wears tight clothes

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[–] [email protected] 29 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I just got out of a relationship and holy fuck that shit is infuriating. Everyone's gotta side curious what happened here.

Also are you the horse from Bojack Horseman? I'm literally watching S1E6 right now.

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[–] [email protected] 148 points 2 days ago (7 children)

She was planning on having 5 km of cock run on her, now her plans are ruined.

[–] [email protected] 114 points 2 days ago (1 children)

This is almost exactly how I found out my ex-wife was cheating. She bought a ticket to a concert and then freaked out when I bought one too. Why wouldn't I want to go to a concert with my wife? She said it was just going to be a thing with her friends from work. When we arrived there was exactly one friend from work. A guy friend.

[–] [email protected] 52 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Ouch he was too dumb to have "something come up and cancel too." Your better off I suppose.

[–] [email protected] 56 points 2 days ago (2 children)

He was very honest and upfront with me about how he was in love with my wife and wanted to be with her. Props to him, I guess. I'm definitely better off! My ex was incredibly demanding and controlling. Sometimes I think I'd thank the guy if I ever saw him again!

[–] Buddahriffic 11 points 2 days ago

It's kinda funny how cheaters don't realize that their affair partners that know about their main relationship can easily sabotage it by just being open and honest. They can force the cheater's hand at any time and in many cases even remove the other option.

If any affair partners that want a relationship are reading this, discretely inform their partner of what's going on. You'll either get what you want or the cheater will be forced to reveal that they don't actually intend to leave their partner for you and are just leading you on. Their partner finds out what a snake they are with, too, so it's a win for everyone other than the cheater, though even they might feel better once the dust has settled and they don't need to hide their activities--until the next one, at least.

[–] superduperpirate 16 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I hope you didn’t have a kid or shared property with the ex

[–] [email protected] 35 points 2 days ago (1 children)

We didn't want children and she purchased the shared house by giving me her life savings which I used as a downpayment for my own house. Thankfully it was an easy split!

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 days ago

Good on you, mate. Thanks for sharing your story

[–] superduperpirate 35 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (3 children)

Because I’m procrastinating at work:

How many sessions of coitus might it take to accumulate 5 km of cock thrusts?

Estimates:

  • average erect length: 13 cm (from Perplexity.ai)
  • average number of thrusts in coitus: 300 (ibid)

Calculations

  • thrust distance per coitus session: 13 cm x 300 thrusts x 2 (accounting for insertion & removal) = 78 m
  • coitus sessions to accumulate 5 km of thrusts: 5 km / 78 m = 64.1 -> 64 sessions of coitus

So OP’s wife would have to fuck 64 times to accumulate 5 km of cock. Even with amazing refractory periods, that’s still a minimum of 32 guys running a train on her.

Edit: working through this reminded me of that episode of HBO’s Silicon Valley where they started talking about handjobs and hotswapping dicks and hit on middle out compression.

[–] LaLuzDelSol 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Sir I think you are forgetting that you do not pull the pens completely out with every thrust unless you want to snap it off by accident. I think a 1.25 multiplier to your calculation is therefore necessary.

[–] superduperpirate 6 points 1 day ago

That’s a fair assumption to make. So our totally real OPs wife now has to make 80 fucks at minimum instead of 64

[–] Wizard_Pope 3 points 1 day ago

The all new penis 2.0 now with hotswap capabilities.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 2 days ago (1 children)

My favorite part of sex is taking my average sized penis all the way out and putting it back in approximately 300 times

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 days ago
[–] Raiderkev 46 points 2 days ago

Fr, she wasn't going to no 5k. She had other plans.

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[–] [email protected] 24 points 2 days ago

Umm yeah very irregular behavior!

[–] [email protected] 76 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (2 children)

Should have married a guy instead of a woman

[–] [email protected] 44 points 2 days ago (1 children)

They already did and this post is fake af

[–] spankmonkey 15 points 2 days ago

Odds are high that is it fake but it is absolutely based on a true story. Might have been a husband wanting to do a 5k or a canoe trip or something else instead of a wife, but I've known plenty of people who get pissy when their significant other wants to 'intrude' on their hobby.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago

The amount of times i wish i was gay is unreal.

[–] [email protected] 91 points 2 days ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (7 children)

How do people marry each other when they can‘t even communicate?

[–] LouNeko 63 points 2 days ago

A: People who never experienced it fear loneliness more than they fear death.

B: People change over time, the person you married might not be the same person in 10 years.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 2 days ago

Apparently, a lot.

It is weird interacting with those couples too. Sometimes they just play a role with their spouse and have to get away from them to be themselves.

They are as miserable as it sounds.

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