I don't know if it's sexist but it sure as hell is annoying. Don't tell people to smile if you don't have a very good reason.
this post was submitted on 03 Jan 2025
-13 points (45.3% liked)
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Because it's sexist to ask me to look better for you
Fuck the downvotes. This is no stupid questions!
Its considered rude towards women. Because a lot of men just say it to women to look more attractive or to just looke more nice as if women bare the responsibility to be nice to men or always be attractive otherwise they wont be considered women at all. I think it became like because many men just say it a lot (or many boomers dont know).
It's considered rude.
As a girl, my job isn't to look attractive to guys. I smile when I feel like it, which happens a lot because I'm happy, but I'd still consider it rude if anyone told me to smile like it was an order. If you're a guy and you wouldn't tell other guys to smile in the same context, then that falls under discrimination based on sex.
Because men are "allowed" to look however they want, grouchy, happy or 'keep the fuck away from me'. If a women does it she's got "resting bitch face" or gets told to smile. It's just a subtle way of saying "you don't look right here let me change you". If you kept saying it to guys they'd tell you to fuck off.
"you don't look right here let me change you"
That’s pretty fucking rude. I am continually amazed by how much women are expected to tolerate.
Yes, it is rude.
It's not women's job to be attractive.
They aren't there for your viewing pleasure.
They're not for you; they're not a public amenity.
You have no more right to expect them to smile in order to make your surroundings more aesthetic than you have a right to expect them to get their tits out for you to gawp at.
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Tell us a story of the last time you witnessed someone telling a man to smile because he would look so much better if he did.
I can't, either. That's why.
Well people have frequently mistaken me for a woman most of my life and thats happened to me a few times. Its intrusive and irritating to be told I should look a certain way, especially by a stranger and I would consider it rude to say to anyone unsolicited.
Thats not to say its not worse for women having to deal with the objectification layer, too.
Nobody asked Luigi to smile, he just did..
Gigachad Sigma Grindset 😎
I agree with the sentiment, but I, a man, actually have customers tell me to smile more weirdly often working retail.
And they say it’s because “you’re prettier when you smile” or something like that?
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I mean we have countless Reddit stories where someone's dog or grandma died that day, and while groceries shopping someone tells them "hey, a beautiful girl like you should smile".
That's just an a**hole move. You don't know anything about that person. Maybe they're not smiling for a reason. I'd say it is very likely that this might be the case... Otherwise they'd probably already smile... And people keep forcing themselves on other people and telling them what to do. Like smile. When it's really none of their business and very intrusive.
Leave them be. Everyone is entitled to feel. Sometimes people are happy and sometimes they're not. It's not however their job to smile for you.
And if it's a medical condition or they were born with what people call a "resting bitch face"... You're just rubbing it in and be the 500th person who did a negative comment on their looks.
It's sexist because you wouldn't risk asking a man to smile. It's disrespectful because you don't get to control another person's facial expressions. It's intrusive because you disrupt another person's thoughts with your selfishness. You aren't the centre of the world. Other people get to have their own feelings and since women are people that includes them.
This is the best answer I’ve seen so far. Thank you!
This is correct. The rule is, 'anything you say to a woman must apply equally to a man', if not, don't say it. Try saying "hey, nice tits dude" and see how that works out.
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Why is how good a woman looks to you more important than her own feelings?
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/c/NoStupidQuestions
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Wow, you really played yourself didn't you, OP?
Seriously, wtf is even the point of this subreddit at this rate?
Some people on Lemmy act all high and mighty while considering themselves as "different" from all the regular social media normies owned by corpos. But they're still the same here as well. Just a different coat of paint.
And I'm not even just referring to this post or even this community or instance. They are all just as retarded and lack any self awareness as much as all the other people online.
It's the same as when people on Reddit act superior and different, because they don't have their real names on the account compared to Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, ext.
You know the "It's not the same social media, we are different" that is popular both here and there and most other places to be honest.
It’s not sexist, it’s threatening.
While you may mean well, the vast majority of times a woman is complemented by an acquaintance or stranger, it’s because that person is trying to hit on the woman.
You might think “shouldn’t that be flattering?” No, it really isn’t. Every single woman I know has countless stories about how they have been harassed by desperate men trying to get into their pants. If you could barely walk into a public place without random strangers harassing you, you’d be soured on the idea too. To further compound the problem, men are on average bigger, stronger, and more aggressive than women.
So as an example, I was out with my girlfriend once, walking down a crowded street. There was a group of people we had to walk around so we went single file. In less than 30 seconds, she already had some shitty man cat calling her with loaded compliments. I shoved some people aside to make sure I was standing next to her again and he shut up immediately. This is just a fact of life for most women.
Men may not understand this because they only very rarely receive random compliments, but it hits very different as a woman.
There is an appropriate time to compliment women, and it’s after you have already built up a trusting friendship. Besides, a compliment means more coming from a friend than a stranger.
I constantly have to remind myself that I can be perceived as “threatening”, because I’m typically not threatening at all. Having some empathy is a good start, but there’s so much I don’t know about what women deal with on a daily basis.
"dangerous by default" because you are a man and just as disposable; ain't the patriarchy swell?
Context matters:
Taking a group photo? Stock photo models? PR? Greeter? - yes, asking someone to smile for a goal is fine
Someone just minding their own business - no, asking them to smile is selfish and just for your personal satisfaction. People don't need to justify to you why they don't feel like smiling. It's rude to demand it of others
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I think it’s because they usually mean “Shut up, I don’t care what you’re thinking about, just be pretty.”
That feels depressingly accurate. Ick.
"Your emotional and mental reality is less important than my physical appreciation/judgement of you."
This was posted 4 times, you may want to remove the duplicates.
I would agree that people look better when they smile, but I think that it is considered sexist because women are asked to smile where men are not, in similar situations. I believe that women feel it is controlling, and since it's requested/required of women more often then men, their perspective is that it is sexist.
Would you feel okay with a woman asking you to flex? I would, but if it became something that happened on a regular basis, I think it would quickly become annoying to me.
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It's a weird thing to say in general. Would you say that to a man?
I’ve never said it to anyone (well, except when taking a group photo). You’re right; it’s weird. I’m just looking for perspectives on why it’s weird.
It’s weird because it sets you up as the objective authority on what makes them attractive.
With another man, that just comes across as a neutral weird. With a woman, it comes across with a bunch of historical and cultural baggage tied to how a large number of men treat women, and automatically associates you with that group of misogynists.
That is hysterically arrogant and appallingly nauseating at the same time.
Exactly.
- Context matters. That question is rarely asked by anyone that isn’t a douchebag trying to hit on a woman.
- From my understanding, even when NOT in the context of douchebaggery, it’s a condescending thing to say to a woman. So much of society wants to put women in a box where they’re expected to look pretty, smile more, talk less, and listen to big strong men with their big manly brains. Being told to “smile more” is pretty triggering for some (but maybe not all) women who are tired of dealing with that shit.
Disclaimer: am man, as my username implies.
I initially didn't understand the context of the question as I assumed you meant when taking a photo.
In general it's asking another person to change their appearance to suit your preferences rather than just respecting whatever mood they're in or how their naturally resting face just looks, it's a dick move. Forcing a smile also sucks. It takes some amount of conscious effort to maintain a forced smile and smiling does engage quite a few muscles in the face, about 43 different muscles to make a smile.
Combine all of that with the history of women very much not having any kind of power in our society, and it takes on a more sinister tone when directed at women, hinting at the idea of someone's only valuable because they have a pretty face and it should be pretty all the time.
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