this post was submitted on 31 Oct 2024
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[–] tourist 83 points 2 months ago (4 children)

why jesus cakes hanging out

Also my money on the four armed elephant dude with an axe

[–] Viking_Hippie 48 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Dude forgot to gird. Rookie mistake.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] Viking_Hippie 31 points 2 months ago
[–] Buffalox 33 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

Yes it looks like an iron axe, and God has a problem with Iron:
https://biblehub.com/judges/1-19.htm

Judges 1:19

The LORD was with the men of Judah. They took possession of the hill country, but they were unable to drive the people from the plains, because they had chariots fitted with iron.

So the idea that God is almighty is pretty ridiculous, according to the Bible that is.

[–] tourist 9 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I never actually read much of the thing

I just assert that the burning bush was absolutely cannabis sativa, despite any solid evidence to the contrary. I don't care that it's not native to the region or whatever.

Anyways, why the fuck was he driving people out of the plains? Homies were just chilling in their iron chariots.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I can't claim to have much experience in the matter, but I don't think people who just chill generally have chariots fitted with iron. Like if your neighbor happened to have a tank and a bunker, would you say they're just chilling?

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago

Anyways, why the fuck was he driving people out of the plains? Homies were just chilling in their iron chariots.

For the same reason as now - because Israel wanted their land.

[–] lowleveldata 11 points 2 months ago

No pants for serious mode

[–] finitebanjo 11 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

If we consider the Sistine Chapel's depiction of the realm of heaven to be divine inspiration, the clothes were added later after some complaints.

The whole concept of original sin is such that pure beings such as Adam and Eve did not even realize that they were naked until they ate the fruit of carnal knowledge.

Therefor it is canon that God likes to hang out with his wang out. Freeballin.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Also Jesus was a bottom

Do you think he was topping 12 dudes a night? They started a religion after him because he was nice not because he was a multiple cummer

So it totally makes sense for him to be flying cakes in a fight with a Hindu god

[–] finitebanjo 11 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I'm not sure what your religion is but I regret to inform you that you're not going to the good place.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

Based on having had to read that comment I would say we're already in the bad place

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

I'm a slut for cum fill me Judas

~Jesus Christ, probably

[–] jaybone 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Is me not a multiple cummer? Why do they say Jesus will come again?

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[–] TheBat 39 points 2 months ago (7 children)

Sorry to all Christians but every Hindu deity wrecks Jesus 1v1. That's just facts.

[–] stupidcasey 22 points 2 months ago

IDK, the christians build gods like a grade schooler:

My god built the ocean.

Oh yeah well mine built the earth, and the ocean is on the earth.

Hey you can’t do that, besides I have a second god and he made the sun.

I don’t need two gods mine is as powerful as all yours put together and he made the heavens and it has the sun in it.

THAT’S CHEATING! And I have another god, he made the stars!

Oh yeah well mine made everything including all the gods and he can count to infinity!

Oh yeah even the evil gods?

…..yeah but thats not his fault.

Is too!

Is not!

Is too!

Is not!

Is too!, Is too!, Is too!

Is not time infinitely!

[–] ZoopZeZoop 10 points 2 months ago (2 children)

For his human form, yes, but Holy Trinity-wise, I'm not so sure. Beyond 1v1, archangels tip any scales in JC's favor.

[–] ivanafterall 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Are you also including the entire Hindu pantheon? Because I don't think the trinity has a chance in hell, archangels notwithstanding.

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[–] xenoclast 38 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

When they're both Christians, Jesus just picks his favorite. If you lose you know that you're not jesus's favorite. Sorry that's just the way it is. Loser.

[–] ThePantser 37 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (2 children)

Also relevant, two people of the same religion praying for the same thing. The god fights themselves. Or flips a coin, free will remember.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Jim Carrey comes to mind in Bruce Almighty, when he starts to say yes to every prayer and thousands win the lottery.

[–] superduperpirate 9 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Don’t they each win like ten cents or something?

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 months ago (3 children)
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[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago
[–] BanjoShepard 6 points 2 months ago

I thought the god chose the person who had suffered more of the gods torture.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Now I want to read a book that starts with the sentance:

"The war in heaven started with a spelling bee."

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Could you use that in a sentance?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

They just did

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[–] SkunkWorkz 28 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

Since 2008 Ganesha only lost two times. I guess Jesus is past his prime. And the first loss wasn’t really a loss, since it was 8 first place winners with 7 kids of South Asian descent.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Scripps_National_Spelling_Bee_champions

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago

I mean look at him! Jesus doesn't seem like he has much of a shot against that beast of a deity.

[–] ekZepp 23 points 2 months ago
[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 months ago

I adore this comic for some reason

[–] hakunawazo 14 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] serenissi 13 points 2 months ago

It's not a god per se, rather the animal companion of Ganesh (Elephant god/ god of people, kinda like god Fufluns of Populonia). The mouse is like a ride of the god.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago

I'd buy that Street Fighter DLC pack.

[–] taiyang 11 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

This just made me think about Shin Megami Tensei. I think Messiah (the closest equivalent to Jesus) would probably win 1 on 1, but the whole Hindu pantheon would probably wear him down eventuality.

Edit for non-smt fans: SMT is Pokemon for religious and folk mythology. Lol

[–] Gingerlegs 10 points 2 months ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 months ago (1 children)

My money is on the elephant!

[–] TheBraveSirRobbin 8 points 2 months ago

I dunno, that balls kick was a hell of a headstart and could change the outcome

[–] Nuke_the_whales 8 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

Interesting tidbit, the National spelling bee was created by Doug Cornette. The Father of loud mouth, racket waving, heel wrestling manager Jim Cornette

Which explains why he was such a word Smith and could talk a mile a minute while insulting the crowd

[–] jaybone 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

He looks like a thinner version of lives-in-a-van-down-by-the-river guy.

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[–] Tyfud 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Now do it for two Christians.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Jesus beating himself. Rule 34 has got you covered

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (2 children)

There's no fucking way a human zombie pacifist Jew would be able to take on a 2-ton humanoid elephant god with six arms and wields weapons 1 v 1.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago (4 children)

I would love for Marvel to make this movie.

I mean, the MCU is pretty clearly burnt out, and I wouldn't trust DC to make a movie worth watching.

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