Uh... No. No this is just wrong. I'm glad they've found enough outlets for their praise kink that they think the whole subculture is this, but man. No. Not even close.
this post was submitted on 01 Oct 2024
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You're really good at critiquing social media posts. I got another here. You're good at finding shortcuts around this part of town.
I feel like there is a reference in that second one I don't get :(
Oh, sorry about that. My wife and I use that follow up when we compliment each other, but it's probably not well known enough to just use randomly on the Internet.
But it's a reference to a flight of the concords song https://youtu.be/YwFPJ2AWrEU?si=1kAt6OcO_1Sy_Nbp
It's a different subculture than the ones you know.
I will bet you one shiny silver nickle it's not.
It's nice that praise kinks are starting to get accepted (because man, they sure werent taken seriously for a long damn time), but to characterize this as "a lot" of the bdsm community is just comically wrong. It'd be like saying "a lot" of the community is into heavy rubber or petplay or ABDL - all very popular, but still minute fractions of the broad community.
It'd be like saying "a lot" of the community is into heavy rubber or petplay or ABDL - all very popular,
I'm in this post and I ~~don't~~ like it
Oh BDSM in general isn't like that, sure, but I'm in a submissive focused discord and there are many people there who have lifestyle dynamics similar to the one in the post. Like yeah the poster doesn't know what they're talking about but those kinds of dynamics certainly do exist. They're not something I'm comfortable with, self discipline has to come from the self and to me having discipline for life things like that come from your partner enforcing that on you feels like a crutch that I'm not ok with personally, but ykinmk and all that.
It's honestly kind of interesting to me, I think dynamics fall onto a spectrum of being controlled to being taken care of. I mean that in a general sense, not specific things like aftercare. Like yes caring for and about your partner is an important part of any relationship but that end of the spectrum falls more under parental care in my mind. I'm certainly no expert, lifestyle dynamics aren't for me, but I like lurking and observing because I think it's neat.
Oh BDSM in general isn’t like that
That..... Was their entire point?
Because the OP started with "BDSM IS" which reads as is "all of BDSM is like this" regardless of whether OP meant to generalize or not.
First comment then said "BDSM is not all like that"
Yeah, I said it was a different subculture... Then the dude was like no it's not... Then I was like yeah, not bdsm in general, a subculture... Hope you're caught up now buddy
Sorry not usually this much of a dick but I lose patience with those with people who won't read
As someone in a long term lifestyle dynamic, those kinds tend to burn dominants out. As you say self discipline comes from the self and many dominant women especially are tired of being mom-zoned. Hell I’ve had Dommes tell me and my Mistress that they’re envious of her because they can’t find a sub that has their shit together emotionally. In fact in my community I’ve found two categories of people who successfully form long term relationships with dominant women: switches/dominants in egalitarian/switchy roles and subs who have our shit together (I’m awkwardly both as I recently realized I’m a switch).
But yeah if someone is looking for a Domme to make them drink their water or validate their feelings, I’m not going to say that that person isn’t out there, what I’ll say is you’ve got stiff competition. Figure out what you can provide for Dommes and what you want from them and treat them like people. Most Dommes I’ve met want someone who is desirable by non dominant standards and happens to be submissive.
That's honestly the vibe I got--its just dumping your responsibilities to yourself onto another person. I'd hate to do that to someone.
once the leather, chains, and toys get packed up, wouldn't you use the Dom voice to tell your loved one to eat their danged vegetables?
I don't have to, I'm an incredible cook. She's practically begging for my zucchini.
So...yeah, that's the same thing. TTRPG with a nice little story to it is all fantastic but we're being technical here.
If I'm understanding you correctly, no it's not the same. Instructing someone to eat their vegetables because they dont want to is very different from denying someone vegetables that they do want to eat. There's obviously parallels, but fundementally its a case of "Do the bad thing" vs. "Don't do the good thing".
(And my cooking is never a bad thing.)
It's a facetious way of saying thank you for appreciating my hard work to make the veggies taste good with a cleverous, snarky, gorram near fallacious by me to instruct you to do so what you've been practically near begging me for all day.
Which I say to explicitly agree with you, I think.
Remember to always practice CBT
Caring
Bout
The others
I'm just over here in the corner focusing on 5 things I can see 4 things I can hear...
and yet fetlife STILL doesn't have a Praisegiver role
Ok but also I want my Domme to hit me and make me get her her water. Yes she demands I take care of myself but that’s because she married me and loves me, her dominant side is mean, just the way I like it
Yeah, I want my Domme to beat the heck out of me, but I also need her to hold me afterwards, to tell me how good I am, that I'm worthy, and to give me water and a snack. ☺️
This person has no idea what bdsm is
Being put down is a tiny subsect of domination, more related to humiliation than domination. Sadism doesn't have to come with mean words, either.
So... if anyone doesn't understand bdsm... it's you.
There is a big difference between porn and 24/7 bdsm relationships. In real world 24/7 relationships a lot of it is care and enforcement of good for everyone rules.
Not saying porn style scenes don’t happen. It’s just a lot more than that. At least in healthy 24/7 bdsm relationships.
If you want to learn more about bdsm I recommend lifestyle blogs or even books.
Yeah but this feels like the other extreme. I’m in a 24/7 dynamic and have been for several years. I’ve also been heavily involved in power exchange communities (including irl) for that time. Praise is part of it, and an important part, but so is harshness, punishment is one of the critical elements of many lifestyle dynamics and one I vocally advocate for the use of as a submissive.
For how I’d describe the long term power exchange is as a relationship with a power exchange. Caregiving is a kink but it’s one I see as much more common for subs than for doms
Fair. Lot‘s of kink styled out there. I just think hers is valid too. I do standby the idea that care is needed for healthy long term 24/7 power exchange dynamics. It just might be expressed differently.
I agree. I guess I’m just sick of seeing bdsm being depicted overly cutesy and ignoring that it often involves pain for the sake of pain
as a very kinky person - it is in fact you who has no idea
How?