this post was submitted on 28 Sep 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] [email protected] 139 points 3 months ago (1 children)
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[–] Etterra 98 points 3 months ago (2 children)

"Good for you, but what does that have to do with the job?"

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[–] pocopene 63 points 3 months ago

Respond super excited, like when you meet someone who shares the same niche hobby than you: "I like girls too! So tell me, what have you found to be the best technic to eat pussy?"

[–] [email protected] 58 points 3 months ago (2 children)

A thespian you say? Why, I was in a production of Hamlet myself!

[–] chemical_cutthroat 10 points 3 months ago

E tu, brute?

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Thespians? Aren't those illegal in 7 states?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago

Omg if they wear the clothes off the opposite gender

[–] [email protected] 53 points 3 months ago
[–] [email protected] 44 points 3 months ago (1 children)

What prompted that disclosure? Could she smell the horniness emanating from Anon? Did he, as he noticed she was a woman, give off a vibe like a starving cartoon wolf imagining the main character as comprised entirely of sausages?

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago

I believe he started vibrating 15,000 Hertz. A totally normal response in the presence of all women, not the sign of a weirdo at all.

[–] [email protected] 41 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I respond by hoping I'm a girl in this scenario. Anon forgot to specify.

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[–] eran_morad 39 points 3 months ago

“I, too, am a connoisseur of fine pussy.”

[–] [email protected] 35 points 3 months ago

Yeah this didn't happen because there's literally no reason to bring that up. Unless OP was being creepy which is totally possible given the website.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 3 months ago

“Hi, Lesbian, I’m anon.”

[–] LouNeko 23 points 3 months ago
[–] Zoomboingding 21 points 3 months ago

"Hell yeah I like chicks too!" go for a high five

[–] [email protected] 20 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

In this case its a bit different but what i see is that everything is oversexualized but the effect of that is people are actually more lonely because every social interaction you have with anyone who could be a sexual partner automatically becomes strange.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

"me too"

Final answer

[–] zloubida 19 points 3 months ago (1 children)

And I'm married, so I'm kind of asexual (at work), so we're ought to be friends!

It's probably a way for her not to be flirted with. To protect herself. So I'd say something reassuring like that.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Really fucking arrogant/egocentric to assume every guy out there is trying to flirt with you, no?

Like, I'm gay, if someone said that to me though I'd be tempted to report them to HR for a hostile workplace interaction.

They're literally passing judgement on you by appearance (what else was disclosed in that scenario? literally nothing), and that's not ok.

[–] zloubida 4 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (12 children)

If you're a woman and have to be near an unknown man, it's safe to assume the worst. It's a sane reaction.

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[–] [email protected] 19 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Sorry that you feel obligated to mention this based on your past experiences. I hope our interactions are professional. Please let me know if I step over a line... my jokes are sometimes a little off but never misogynistic maybe a little dark, but I work on it.

With that out of the way ... my Name is Anon, I am happily married. Now.. let's Beginn =]

[–] [email protected] 19 points 3 months ago

Anon must address her as “Lesbian” for now until eternity, considering that’s all she is.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 3 months ago

Hi Lesbian, I'm Anon.

[–] paddirn 18 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

“Sounds like we have something in common.”

[–] [email protected] 18 points 3 months ago

So, do you pronounce the full name, "lesbian", or do you shorten it to "les" or something?

[–] [email protected] 18 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

"Well, then I now identify as a woman, girrrrl!"

Oof. That seems inappropriate on so many levels. I think it offends pretty much everyone.

[–] bamfic 17 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Shrug is the only correct response at work. Or maybe "that's nice" to be more polite.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 months ago

Or "noted" or just "ok"

[–] krashmo 6 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Is that polite though? I get that it isn't explicitly rude but I pretty much only use that phrase as short hand for "why are you talking about this you fucking weirdo?" I think it's subtly rude at best.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 3 months ago

Most politeness is about rephrasing rudeness in a subtle way. What OP's fictional coworker did in this fictional story is explicitly rude as it assumes the worst from meeting a new person, the most appropriate response would be something that is subtly, but noticeably, rude.

[–] mriormro 13 points 3 months ago (1 children)

If a team lead, sight unseen, just tells you their sexual preference without any context or follow-up then yeah that's fucking weird and they're a weirdo.

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[–] redisdead 17 points 3 months ago

"I wasn't interested"

[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 months ago
[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 months ago

This is infinitely funnier if OP is a woman

[–] [email protected] 14 points 3 months ago

It's time for anon to drop the classic dad joke

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago
[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 months ago

What's your best pickup line?

[–] unreachable 10 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago

"Well damn! Scissor me timber girl! Let's duck under the table and 69!"

[–] Alpha71 9 points 3 months ago

"Ma'am, this is a Wendy's..."

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago

"Don't flatter yourself"

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 months ago

"Hi Lesbian, I'm Moss"

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago

Let's compare notes then!

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago
[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago

"Oh, that makes sense."

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago

"THAT JUST MEANS SHE LIKES WHAT I LIKE"

  • Tourettes Guy
[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago (1 children)

"Me too, let's make out and adopt a pit bull"

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago
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