I hate being late, so I over-estimate how long everyrhing takes. I'm early for everything (unless I fuck up my calendar appt and I miss it entirely.)
this post was submitted on 22 Aug 2024
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ADHD
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this is me. I will always use the longest google route estimate and such.
That's me. I'm an hour early if something's SUPER important. 5 min late for everything else.
I plan to be early to the point where I get uncomfortably anxious if I leave on time. I set alarms and reminders to remind me that I need to start thinking about getting ready. I try to be ready way ahead of time. I am experiencing this right now.
I try to be ready to leave, meaning dressed and bag is packed, as early as possible. I am for being as ready as possible at least 15 minutes before I leave. I add and subtract minutes depending on how important the event is and how much I need to have checked before leaving.
also, I try to aim for being at least 10 minutes early for most events. this is working very good for me. it allows small talk with other people who've arrived and it allows time for being late.
it is time consuming, but I've come to enjoy the breaks it gives, before leaving and when arriving early ^^
also, thinking through what I need to prepare before leaving as early as possible. Often, I think about it the afternoon before I have to pack.
good luck :)
//edit:
these systems don't stop me from getting distracted and forgetting things, but because I've moved everything 15 minutes earlier, then when I'm late for my own deadlines, often I'll still make it to the actual deadlines :)
I plan my days backwards. If my appointment is at 13:00 tomorrow I check the travel timetables and determine the absolute latest I have to leave. From there, how long does it take to get ready? What time do I have to be awake in order to get ready? What time do I have to be asleep by in order to get a full night of rest? The anxiety and restlessness makes sure I stay on top of it.
...and a lot of weed to make sure I actually do fall asleep on time as one or two puffs too many puts me in the right spot to fall asleep quickly.
Using weed to fall asleep sounds as bad as people relaying on caffeine tabs to stay awake.
Have you tried the US military guide to fall asleep?
It's a few steps and it helped me a lot
Trying this just keeps me up even more because now I'm focusing on falling asleep which means I can't sleep
Ooh, thanks for the link. I'd forgotten about it.
Problem is that something like this doesn't really hold water against sleeping disorders. Using weed to fall asleep is literally a treatment option often prescribed to people who have sleep problems. I don't think caffeine tabs are something a doctor would consider if you were having troubles staying awake.
Honestly, trying not to beat myself up too much is a big part of it. This sounds like a wishy washy answer, but for real, I improved a heckton when I started giving reasonably accurate updates.
E.g Before: I have arranged to meet with a friend at 4pm. My travel time is 30 but can be variable due to traffic. It takes me 30 mins to get ready. 3:15 rolls round and I still haven't started getting ready. If I hurried, I might make it in time. I do not do that. I cringe internally and end up indulging more deeply in whatever distraction caused me to overrun. 4pm rolls around and my friend messages to check in. Either I cancel, or I tell a lie and start getting ready, hating myself all the while. My friend is irked at me, and I don't blame them.
After: The same as before, but at 3:15, I message my friend to tell them I'll be half an hour late (I round up to account for being bad at time). I end up being 5 or 10 minutes late nonetheless, but my friend isn't annoyed, partly because I kept them in the loop about my progress. I still cringe at being late, but I find that over time, I get better at genuinely holding myself accountable, and at estimating time.
To me, the most useful trick was to set my wristwatch 5 mins ahead of the local time. These days, I only use my phone as a watch but the same principle applies. Catching up bus times was my biggest problem, especially when I needed to use more than one bus line.
You'd think it wouldn't work since I know I technically have 5 more minutes but reading the time as 07:00 instead of 06:55 was pretty effective for me.
This reminded me something similar I do:
In my bedroom I have a clock from Ikea which I think I've never changed batteries (or only once?). ~Ever since I got it, it goes around 5minutes ahead of local time every 6 months. I noticed this soon enough, but I liked the idea, so I deliberately set it to be 5minutes ahead of local time (this means after 6months it's ~10minutes ahead).
After some years, I got another clock from ikea. I now have two clocks. One clock which supposedly says the real local time and another one (the older one with the bigger display) that shows the local time 5minutes in the future.
Though both drift a few minutes ahead as time passes and on top of that I tend to be too lazy to fix the Β±1hour of the daylight saving time on the old clock, so it's a mess and many times I end up doing calculations when I wake up to figure out the time, lol (Like, the big clock says it's 08:00, but I have to add 1hour because I didnt add the daylight saving time and I have to subtract 10minutes, because 7months have passed since I last set the time right, thus the actual time is 08:00 + 50minutes = 08:50)
Pay attention to how laye you generally are. I used to be chronically late. I began to notice I was generally about 20-30 minutes behind. I could often make up some of that, but it was rushed.
The fix was quite simple, I trained myself to add 30 minutes "faffing time" to any estimate or leave time. I have an "aim to leave" and "MUST leave" time. I generally leave about 10-15 minutes 'late', but due to the buffer, I have 15-20 minutes leeway still to deal with things like extra traffic.
Funny thing is that this is the ONE ADHD thing I don't have. My trick: Super-panic about being late.
The broader strategy is that I set an exact time that triggers the "panic mode". So for example when I need to take a 3 day trip, I put my open suitcase in the middle of the room and fill it only casually as is convenient, starting days before. Hours before departure, I'm putting what is still missing in, but very relaxed, and do other things such as shower, eat, whatever needs to be done. But like 20 minutes before departure, the "panic mode" is triggered. Whatever is still missing then is done with maximum stress, only absolute show-stoppers, no optionals, complete panic the whole time.
Knowing that panic mode is still there to help last minute, allows me to do the entire thing very relaxed.
Be early. Not being pedantic, I mean literally attempt to be early. For me that generally gets me very close to the set time.
Exactly.
People with ADHD often have a misthinking about time, how long things take, etc.
And people in general don't want to waste time, being early feels like wasting time.
The thing is, something nearly always happens which eats up that "extra" time reserved for being early... So you're not early after all.
I was shamed in my early years for not getting to school on time, that combined with some anxiety makes sure I always srruve before I need/want to
If I need to be somewhere at 6:00, I need to focus on leaving at 5:30. My brain latches onto 6:00 and I'll get out of the house at 6:00.
This is such a weird phenomenon that I entirely relate to.
If I know long long it takes to get somewhere, I will somehow find myself leaving the house with exactly that amount of time, leaving no space for delays. This is bad. So instead I've started saying "I'm going to leave at this time, which is definitely more time than I need" and then not looking at a clock when I get there so I never find out how much closer I could cut it.
The other strategy is to plan to eat when I get there, before whatever it is starts. I will be motivated to get there with enough time to eat.
Ooh, I like that eat-when-I-get-there strategy. I'll be sharing that one.
Put everything in your calendar. Use notifications sufficiently far ahead to be useful, and have the ability to snooze alerts.
On Android I use Calendar Notifications for greater flexibility with notifications.
For example, for doctor appointments I set the notification for a day in advance. Then I'll snooze it until I need to leave the next day (with extra time for cleaning up, etc).
I look at my calendar all the time. Keep it open on my laptop, month view, so I'm always seeing what my month looks like, what's coming up.
I set my alarms extra early so I have plenty of time to hit the snooze button 4 times while I gradually wake up. I also set the clock in my car 10-15 minutes fast. People have asked, "If you know exactly how fast it is, why not just put it on the right time?"
That is a damn good question, but we're not going to change it and find out.
Speeding.
I'm usually late anyways.
Being late is not something i struggled as much. I just found people generally underestimate how long it takes to get ready.
Though now I'm late more often because i stopped caring, and it's because I was always too early which is also not good so π€·
I try to plan on doing something optional in the area before the thing. Something I would like to do but can skip like pick up food.
I found a job where my boss doesn't care when I show up so long as the work is getting done.
The only other solution that works for me is going to bed obnoxiously early (like 9) and aiming to show up an HOUR ahead of time.
Similar to many others on here, I'm terrible at time estimation, so I have to literally track backwards from the time I need to be there with things I need to do along the way, so:
Need to be there at 8am Driving takes 30mins (730) Shower 15mins (715) Tidy up and get my travel drink 20mins (0655) etc.
Then I also usually add 15mins to get lost or find parking. (0640)
Then I know what time to get up etc.
(Then I usually panic that I need more buffer and add another 30mins and get up at 0610!)
Oh.. And the calendar thing. If its not in the calendar, it doesn't happen...
alarms for everything and i always leave early.
What has always worked for me and plan ahead the time you need to get ready/commute. For me it takes 30 minutes to get ready and 30 minutes to commute so I have to get ready 1 hour before I need to be somewhere. This only works if you are honest with yourself. So if thatβs an issue, than you have bigger problems than punctuality.
i tell people to give me a time one hour before i have to show up.
works every time.
just leave way earlier for everything and plan to do something to keep you busy when you get there. bring a book, a game, a yo-yo, or go wander around and talk to people and make new friends