this post was submitted on 21 Aug 2024
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[–] [email protected] 83 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Oh yeah, my cats going to have a field day with that.

[–] TriflingToad 24 points 2 months ago (1 children)

scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch

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[–] HexadecimalSky 59 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Every once in a while I get a Uline catalog sent to me.I have looked at that same sort of industrial Jumbo roll. Very tempting.

[–] [email protected] 74 points 2 months ago (5 children)

If it's the uline jumbo rolls my work gets... Please don't.

Your asshole will thank me

[–] SpaceNoodle 63 points 2 months ago (8 children)

You just gotta keep using it until your anus naturally builds up callouses.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 2 months ago

I rarely physically shudder from text

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I too try to only shit on company time

[–] blanketswithsmallpox 8 points 2 months ago

They're called union shits around here. Even if you're not in one lol.

Also combine shitty to with expensive bidet. Best of both worlds.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago (4 children)

My wife keeps telling me that...

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[–] waz 19 points 2 months ago

Is it the high gloss stuff, or the 80 grit option?

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Does it flake like a French pastry?

[–] [email protected] 25 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I only wipe my ass with croissants to keep my cheeks buttery smooth

[–] Nfamwap 19 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I'm fairly certain those words have never been uttered in that order in the entirety of human history. Bravo.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Nor should they ever again.

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[–] BarbecueCowboy 7 points 2 months ago

Plus side, it's basically impossible to clog your toilet with that stuff. It's effectively pipe grease.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Try a bidet first. I still use TP to dry off the wet, but way less TP.

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[–] Etterra 55 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Single ply, extra thin, just like our corporate overlords intended it.

[–] [email protected] 37 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Thing's so top heavy he's gonna barely touch it and the whole thing will go toppling into the bathtub and instantly absorb 10x its weight in water.

Just like that, 42 cents down the drain.

[–] Madison420 12 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Bro that tp is gonna melt in the water whole homeboy watches like that devastated raccoon.

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[–] DarkPassenger 45 points 2 months ago (1 children)

One of my neighbors owns a restaurant. When covid hit, they dropped boxes of gloves, hand sanitizer, and those rolls of TP off for everyone on the street. I still have one

[–] davidagain 21 points 2 months ago

That is a solidly decent neighbour.

[–] [email protected] 36 points 2 months ago

At least the tp is oriented in the right direction.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 2 months ago (5 children)

Nice, that might last my wife one, maybe two days.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago

The secret is a bidet. Much cleaner and suddenly I spend a third on toilet paper compared to before (you still use some for drying and checking).

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[–] buzz86us 26 points 2 months ago (5 children)

💯he stole that from a public bathroom

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[–] Anticorp 24 points 2 months ago

I was hella poor in college, and constantly using Taco Bell napkins and such for toilet paper. One day at school I found one of these rolls that was left on the counter in the bathroom. I immediately put that shit in my backpack and took it home. It felt like I had won the lottery! No need to worry about toilet paper for like 6 months!

[–] PseudorandomNoise 24 points 2 months ago (1 children)

“You can’t spare one square!?”

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I don't have a square to spare!

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[–] krashmo 21 points 2 months ago (1 children)

If you can fit it on your roll holder why wouldn't you? That's just good sense right there

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[–] perviouslyiner 18 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (2 children)

Someone's university has CH-751 locks on their toilet roll dispensers, and is missing a roll...

[–] Got_Bent 11 points 2 months ago

This is the lock picking lawyer and what I have for you today really wipes out the competition.

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[–] samus12345 16 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

I still have 2 rolls of that stuff from back when there was no TP in the store and it was all I could find. Never did end up using them, but I guess I'm set if it happens again!

[–] Leviathan 13 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

~~Shopping in bulk~~

Stealing in bulk

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Let’s hope he had some high capacity magazines to match

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[–] sunbytes 12 points 2 months ago (2 children)

You use it like a knife-sharpeners' wheel.

[–] Bashnagdul 9 points 2 months ago

For the poop knife?

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[–] Thcdenton 9 points 2 months ago

That could kill a man rolling down a hill

[–] Bobmighty 8 points 2 months ago

Garbage toilet paper found often at the workplace. People especially poor in money and/or taste will sometimes use it in their homes.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 25 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

His work's supply cabinet.

Rock on, man.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago

Shitting in bulk i see.

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