this post was submitted on 05 Jun 2024
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egg_irl — Memes about being trans people in denial and other eggy topics

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!egg_irl

!egg_irl is for widely relatable memes about questioning one's gender or being an egg (a trans person in denial) as well as other eggy topics.

If you are looking for a place to discuss something specific to you or especially if you need help or are in crisis, we have communities and resources that can support you linked at the bottom of this sidebar.

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  1. Posts must be titled "egg_irl". An emoji or two is OK, but they have to be between "egg" and "irl".

  2. Posts that assume the viewer's gender and/or contain potentially triggering content must be spoilered and tagged at the beginning of the post title. Example content-warning tags that you can copy include the following:

    • [CW: Assumes Viewer is Transmasc]
    • [CW: Assumes Viewer is Transfem]
    • [CW: Assumes Viewer is Nonbinary]
    • [CW: Transphobia]
    • [CW: Violence]
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    • [Transfem Meme]
    • [Nonbinary Meme]
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[–] [email protected] 33 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

I genuinely thought this was true in middle school and got confused when my friends didn't want that (it was still true for me though I'm totally cis you can tell by the way I am)

[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Yeah, I was pretty much convinced of the same thing while still in school: How could my class mates not want to change their gender? It's the most amazing thing in the world to do! Who would say no to that?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 weeks ago

If it was temporary then sure why not for a day or a week. As a permanent decision with the current level of technology, I don't see the point at all.

[–] TrickDacy 26 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

If this is a joke, I don't get it. A lot of people don't really care much about what their gender is

[–] [email protected] 34 points 4 weeks ago

The joke is that the "egg" is under the impression that they are cis and that every cis male must have those same feelings.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 weeks ago (3 children)

On a surface level, sure, but most cis people never really have to grapple much with their gender identity.

[–] TrickDacy 4 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago) (1 children)

Depends on what grapple means. Very few want to be a different gender than they were born, but practically everybody has been told to behave differently because "boys do X" or "girls do Y". People just want to do whatever their interests predispose them to do or express themselves in some specific way that society often deems wrong. So yeah I haven't ever really "wanted to be a girl" ever but a million times I wish people would leave me the fuck alone when they think I'm not being a man correctly.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago) (1 children)

practically everybody has been told to behave differently because “boys do X” or “girls do Y”.

I wish people would leave me the fuck alone when they think I’m not being a man correctly.

This is what I mean by 'on a surface level.'

Oppositional sexism demands that those born in male bodies do masculine things, and those born in female bodies do feminine things. In other words it demands that everybody, not just those who are trans, conform to socially expected performances of gender.

However, cis people are afforded the security in feeling that their birth gender is the one that is 'correct' for them.

Cis people largely feel gender entitlement (projecting one's own perception of gender onto other people, and privileging those perceptions over the way others understand themselves), hence:

A lot of people don’t really care much about what their gender is

Trans people do not get this privilege. Trans people face the same oppositional sexism that cis people do (that all people that exhibit exceptional gender expressions do), as well as having to face cis people's gender entitlement being pushed onto them.

All this to say the joke is that the subject of the meme is in denial about their transness, and they are assuming that everybody feels the same way. The meme is a transfem centered meme- cis people may not get the joke; however many people DO care about their gender identity, but some identities are privileged over others.

[–] TrickDacy 1 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

There was nothing entitled about what I said. However you are minimizing the suffering that I and many others have gone through for not aligning to gender norms.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

I'm literally not but you clearly have no interest in understanding the words I wrote, so I'll just drop it.

[–] TrickDacy 2 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Yeah, you come off as lecturing me after assuming things that aren't true about me. Wasn't a fan.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 4 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 weeks ago

So much this.

It is the very definition of being cis to not understand wanting to be a different gender than the one being assigned at birth. People who are uncomfortable with their assigned gender are not cis.

But many need a while to realize that other people do not feel the way they do.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

Most cis people are cis people. Like, that's the definition of it, right?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Yeah, but society at large has issues with exceptional gender expressions.

Cis people can struggle with their own gender identity when other cis people force expectations onto them.

The difference is that cis people don't have to assert a gender different from what they were assigned at birth.

[–] breadsmasher 22 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

i legitimately believe this ~still cis tho~

[–] TotallynotJessica 2 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

Do you really want to still be cis tho?

[–] breadsmasher 2 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] TotallynotJessica 2 points 3 weeks ago

Sure thing my cute goth cister! 😏

[–] [email protected] 20 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

Sorry, nope. Do not want.

Specifically, do not want the following:

  • menstruation, cramps, PMS etc
  • beauty and dress standards
  • condescension
  • social expectations of conduct
  • lower pay and sometimes a hostile work environment (can go for anyone depending on the job - see male nurses)
  • clothing without pockets - you can take my cargo pants from my cold dead hands.

Do want (but does not in any way make up for above):

  • more colors and patterns in my clothes
  • giving birth is kinda cool
[–] RubberElectrons 3 points 3 weeks ago

Same. I also like being stronger.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 weeks ago

Don't forget to put "fruity scents" in the pro column. Women/girls get all the great smelling perfumes, body scents, soaps. Still rather be a boy because of all the negatives though

[–] [email protected] 20 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

I want to be treated like a girl in certain situations. But I'm keeping my cock n balls. 😤

[–] TotallynotJessica 2 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Plenty of girls do tho

[–] [email protected] 15 points 4 weeks ago (3 children)

why would we want cooties?! so wrong!!

[–] FireRetardant 16 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

No no, by becoming girl you become immune to cooties so its actually a cootie preventing procedure.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

How is becoming a vector prevention?

[–] TotallynotJessica 1 points 3 weeks ago

You are immune to getting sick from cooties. The cooties just live in us peacefully.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 weeks ago

We'll give this one a bit more time.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 weeks ago

I like pooping! I couldn't lose that!

[–] ameancow 14 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

I wish I had the social support of girls and their close friends.

Otherwise, nah. Always liked who and what I am. But much love and good wishes to those who don't.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago) (2 children)

I mean that should be pretty obvious. Why would you want to have an oily face? Why would anyone want to look like a rectangle and look like an ogre? For real tho, who?

EDIT: changed likw to like (written in italic 🇮🇹🥖🥐)

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

I had quite a few friends who were girls who struggled with all of those things, that's not a healthy view of womanhood

[–] [email protected] 0 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

What exactly do you mean? The properties I described were supposed to be directed at the masculine characteristics I don't like. Did you perhaps mean that some of these are not masc-exclusive?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Women and men both can have masculine features. I think they are saying that masculine features aren't a male thing exclusively and arent inherently negative.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

That's a fair point. I personally just thought that most masc stuff is very uncomfortable.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 weeks ago

The problem is, it depends who you ask. For me, I dont really have anyone pushing the idea of male and female stuff growing up, sort of like an atheist household might not talk about religion much.

I'm not saying that trans stuff isnt real, but it does seem like its to a degree a reaction to societies treatment of a person.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

Why resemble a yeti when you could have TITS!? Amongst many other quality of life changes

[–] Delphia 6 points 4 weeks ago

And make 30% less!?!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 weeks ago (4 children)

How did you all figure this out for yourself? I mean, what made it click?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

I knew something was up when a friend came out to me and I realised it was possible to be something other than your assigned gender.

5 years later, I'm reading an article about a non-binary person and bam, it all made sense.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

I wish I could have learned about nonbinary identity much earlier. Like back when I was having a crisis about my gender in high school I only knew the full binary MtF and FtM existed. But whenever I thought about it being a girl felt just as wrong as being a boy to me. Just for different reasons. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't reconcile not wanting to be a boy, periodically wishing I had been born a girl, but not actually wanting to be a girl.

Wasn't until about 12 years later at like 26 when I met my now wife and she told me all that sounded like nonbinary and I suddenly had things to Google. I wish I could have had a chance to actually transition before fully growing into being 6'2" and built like a fridge in a fursuit. But like now I'm 33, I had other medical issues that I didn't want to try piling a potential transition on top of, and I'm not even sure what realistic transition goals I could even have let alone have a chance of attaining.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

I can absolutely sympathise, I've got a bunch of medical issues and only began my transition journey recently, well past puberty. It's the best thing I've ever done, the only goal I'd say you should ever have for your transition, is to be happy.

Also, it's useful to keep in mind that there are many ways of affirming your gender other than medical stuff, though I'll admit the medical transition has been the best for me.

I kinda have the opposite experience of gender, I feel equally comfortable as being boy and girl though generally prefer a mix at most times. It's so cool to me how differently we can experience these sorts of things

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 weeks ago

WillStealYourUsername has already given a very good overview, to add to that...

It is a highly individual process and while many trans people share certain experiences, no two trans people will have exactly the same kind of journey.

While the public perception of trans people is very much focused on the rather rare cases of young children who will insist on being trans from an early age on. While these cases definitely exist, far more trans people are going through a gradual process of realization. There may be a final "egg crack" (the moment of final realization), but it is usually preceded by a slow process of smaller realizations and it is nowhere near a linear process...

As WillStealYourUsername describes so well, in hindsight all the signs and individual quirks make sense, but most people have to attain a certain level of self-acceptance before being able to recognize the various symptoms for what they are.

In my personal case, it was an intense jealousy of fem people that would never go away and culminated in a moment where I had an emotional meltdown over a fictional character who transitioned from male to female in their storyline. That's when I finally realized that I could do the same thing if I got my shit together and accepted being trans.

[–] TotallynotJessica 2 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

Define "figure out." I figured out I disliked being male by considering what I liked and disliked about myself. All the positives were more feminine or neutral, while all the negatives were masculine or masc coded. I decided on NB, but it still felt off. I didn't want to be considered male, but I didn't know if I wanted to be female.

For years I couldn't parse my feelings when I imagined myself as a woman. I felt better, but I struggle with even identifying emotions, so it wasn't clear enough to convince me. Eventually, I imagined myself as a mother: being pregnant, giving birth, raising a child that was my own. It felt so euphoric that I broke down crying because I knew I could never go back.

I still took another 5-6 months to start the process of coming out. I was still uncertain and terrified when I finally took the leap of faith. I was on death's door mental health wise. I realized I could not carry on any longer as a man, yet it still took so much effort to make the best decision I've ever made.

It was night and day. I never thought I could be so happy or love life like that. It's a miracle that I made it 23 years feeling like I wasn't alive.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Thanks for sharing. I think maybe my dysphoria isn't as strong. I guess I'd gravitate more towards being non binary than fully identifying with being a man/woman (what does it even mean). But I'm not sure, I feel physically fine in my body, but I guess I'm still questioning a lot of things.