this post was submitted on 30 Apr 2024

93 points (90.4% liked)

Not The Onion

12399 readers

1658 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

Links to news stories from...
...credible sources, with...
...their original headlines, that...
...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 1 year ago

MODERATORS

kescusay

Google is building a fart button into Android (www.theverge.com)

submitted 7 months ago by woelkchen to c/nottheonion

27 comments fedilink hide all child comments

top 27 comments

sorted by: hot top controversial new old

[–] a_fancy_kiwi 123 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (5 children)

This just in, Google will he deprecating their phone app fart button in 18 months for the new and improved Android Poots button.

Wait, we're just now getting word that in 7 more months, Android Poots will be replaced with Google Toots. All 3 buttons will be active at the same time while Google works on feature parity.

You'll never believe this, insiders are telling us that 4 months after Google Toots, Google will be introducing Google Farts to replace Google Toots. Google Farts will be different than the original Fart button, not sure how but we are expecting it'll be a worse experience.

And finally, 6 months later, after hundreds of millions of dollars spent, somehow none on marketing, and after generating a healthy user base that defied all odds, Google will begin to shutdown all 4 buttons and lay off all the teams that worked on them.

[–] Wild_Mastic 24 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

Just so you know, I appreciate this comment.

[–] a_fancy_kiwi 13 points 7 months ago

I'm glad my bitterness can bring joy

[–] [email protected] 12 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

Well, the newer Farts button will have integrated AI to dynamically choose the proper fart for the situation, and requires a subscription. The legacy Fart app can still be sideloaded but it's missing the textures and subtly of the wet farts from Toots so it's really not worth it.. I'm still upset they haven't ported the Google Home integration from Poots it was one of the best parts.

[–] Anticorp 4 points 7 months ago

To support the fart choice AI your microphone will now be active 100% of the time and detailed logs of your life will be kept in your non personally identifiable account (which just so happens to also have your name, phone number, address, and physical location attached to it, but there's an ID number too, so we say it's non personally identifiable).

[–] [email protected] 9 points 7 months ago

Google Toots and Google Toots (New)

[–] Anticorp 6 points 7 months ago

6 months and 1 day later, all phones with the built in fart button are no longer supported. Disabling the button won't help. Your hardware is a brick.

[–] SkyezOpen 5 points 7 months ago

This person googles.

[–] foggy 37 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

Deadass laid off like 20,000 employees over 3 years while they retained the FART BUTTON team.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago

Google trends for "fart"

[–] reddig33 30 points 7 months ago

Is Elon Musk suddenly the head of Android development?

[–] wreckedcarzz 12 points 7 months ago

$2.99 for triggering one remote fart of another user's device. 4 pack for $9.99. Google One, YT Premium, and Fi users get 5 farts free per month (best value).

[–] Crackhappy 11 points 7 months ago

Leslie Nielsen would be excited.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 7 months ago (3 children)

It would be better than the Samsung Bixby button. At least I would be amused when I accidentally press it instead of annoyed.

[–] woelkchen 12 points 7 months ago

There is no Bixby button any longer. There is a configurable side button. On my S22 it's set to act as power button.

[–] Anticorp 8 points 7 months ago (1 children)

The Bixby button was okay when you remapped it to something useful, but Samsung kept going out of their way to break the remapping tools. Heaven forbid people use their phones they way they want to.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Ya, they really wanted people to use it.

[–] Anticorp 5 points 7 months ago

They should have built it better then. I wanted to use it, but it was pretty janky.

[–] a_fancy_kiwi 3 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

I know you didn't ask but just in case you (or anyone reading this) don't know about it; Good Lock from the Samsung store. Once downloaded, you can create a routine in the settings app to reconfigure the bixby/power button to do whatever you want

[–] kescusay 9 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Google solving the important issues, here.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago

To be fair this may be one of the most significant feature for a major phone OS in a few years. At least they are trying something.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago

Oh it's for phone calls? So it's a feature I'll never even see.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago

GTA2 moment

[–] [email protected] -2 points 7 months ago (1 children)

And people get butthurt about Apple.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Well yeah they're not removing the charger jack to put in a exclusive fart button

[–] LifeOfChance 5 points 7 months ago

What are you talking about? Apple was the first company to do this back on the iPhone 19+ released in 2028

[–] Anticorp 3 points 7 months ago

YET