this post was submitted on 08 Apr 2024
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Authorities in the Russian Republic of Chechnya have announced a ban on music that they consider too fast or slow.

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[–] givesomefucks 382 points 7 months ago (4 children)

Music too fast? Straight to jail.

Music too slow? Believe it or not, straight to jail.

[–] fluxion 107 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Just a little bit too perfect? Burned for witchcraft

[–] [email protected] 44 points 7 months ago

and after the burning, whatever is left, straight to jail.

[–] [email protected] 52 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Sounds like a healthy form of governance. People can't be trusted to manage tempo on their own. They should do this for heart rates as well.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Checks out. If your heart rate is too slow or too fast you're probably doing a sin.

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[–] unreachable 179 points 7 months ago (3 children)

darude sandstrom ✖️

careless whisper ✖️

never gonna give you up ✔️

[–] [email protected] 28 points 7 months ago

YMCA by Village People? We'll give it a pass ✔️

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[–] [email protected] 159 points 7 months ago (9 children)

80 to 116 BPM. I actually chuckled audibly that the BPM was specified, I assumed it would be extremely vague.

[–] assembly 55 points 7 months ago (1 children)

They couldn’t even make it higher than the DAW defaults at 120bpm. So you have new musicians that have never recorded accidentally producing music at 120 and breaking the law. This is the dumbest shit I’ve seen since last week. I don’t typically put anything together that is below 120. Looks like I’m on my way to being a Chechen fugitive.

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Shocking.

No house, no techno?!

Suddenly a larger market for those sped up/slowed down ByteDance remixes, depending.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 7 months ago

Phonk producers with normal, slowed and speedy versions of their songs were already prepared for this.

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[–] OwlPaste 98 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Are they just late for 1st of April?

[–] ConditionOverload 113 points 7 months ago (1 children)

April 1st was too fast for them so they opted to use April 8th.

[–] [email protected] 40 points 7 months ago

April 9th would have meant straight to jail!

[–] [email protected] 95 points 7 months ago (2 children)

So, they just banned the Russian national anthem too, since that sits at 76 bpm?

[–] [email protected] 25 points 7 months ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 87 points 7 months ago (3 children)

Not even Nazi Germany or Stalin's Soviet Union had this arbitrary and stupid of a music ban.

[–] HootinNHollerin 65 points 7 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (12 children)

Isis and taliban do tho. Chechnya is primarily muslim. But yea, another sign russia has become a dystopian nightmare

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[–] General_Effort 20 points 7 months ago (3 children)

I think you seriously over-estimate the level of tolerance of Nazi Germany. The Nazis persecuted Degenerate Music just like they persecuted Degenerate Art.

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[–] Mistic 20 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (4 children)

In Soviet Union, the rock genre was for a very long time existing underground due to the inability of artists to be properly published.

Only starting with the 1980s could the artists finally publish their songs officially. And even then Soviet government put a lot of measures to prohibit rock music in the country.

This resulted in the appearance of many beloved bands and artists, like

  • Kino (tl. Cinema),
  • DDT,
  • Aria,
  • Chaif,
  • Grazhdanskaya Oborona (tl. Civil Defense),
  • Mashina Vremeni (tl. Time machine),
  • Sektor Gaza (tl. Gas Sector)
  • Korol i Shut (tl. King and Jester)
  • And many others

The history of Russian rock is actually quite fascinating. It was inspired by bard songs and often touched darker subjects as well as being satirical and judgmental of Soviet government.

Due to that, some artists, like Yegor Letov from Grazhdanskaya Oborona and Yuri Shevchuk from DDT, had troubles with KGB (Soviet FBI).

Nowadays, rock artists are still being persecuted for their views. For example, DDT is de facto prohibited from performing in Russia.

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[–] [email protected] 81 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (2 children)

The Russian national anthem is 76 beats per minute lol….

Which is banned

[–] [email protected] 17 points 6 months ago (1 children)

So did they do this to ban the Russian anthem intentionally??

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[–] hoshikarakitaridia 61 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Ok but what about double time? This rule is so ridiculous if it was a joke I would think it's too unrealistic

[–] [email protected] 70 points 7 months ago (2 children)

The Onion is over here crying because it's been having to low-ball reality for a decade.

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[–] [email protected] 48 points 7 months ago (4 children)

They're inching closer to the plot of Footloose.

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[–] viralJ 42 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Wait... Did The Onion buy out CNN?

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[–] [email protected] 39 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Read up a bit on the Chechnyans and their relationship with Russia.

Apparently, their leaders were responsible for atrocities on par with typical Russians.

I don't really have sympathy for them. They support people who assassinate journalists as a "birthday gift" to Putin.

[–] captainlezbian 15 points 7 months ago

Yeah they were rounding up their own citizens for years

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[–] ATDA 38 points 7 months ago (5 children)
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[–] [email protected] 35 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Writes a song at 115 BPM. Makes it use double time. Occasionally changes tempo to 161 BPM half-time. Adds three layers of polyrhythms to it. Spices things up with metric modulation between 4/4, 13/8 and 17/7. Hides a sample of the "trolololo song" somewhere in there.

Trollface.jpg

[–] [email protected] 16 points 7 months ago

Deleted by Chechnya

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[–] 1luv8008135 35 points 6 months ago (5 children)

This is memeable, yes; but usually when news like this starts coming out a nation shit’s definitely gone sideways for it.

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[–] Diplomjodler3 34 points 7 months ago (3 children)

I guess next thing Kadyrov will make his horse a consul.

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[–] voracitude 32 points 6 months ago
[–] [email protected] 31 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Imma go blow some Chechnyan minds with my happy hardcore outfit that plays songs at 100bpm, but only plays 64th notes.

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[–] [email protected] 27 points 7 months ago (1 children)

So, believe or not straight to jail, then?

[–] [email protected] 15 points 7 months ago

To fast? Jail. To slow? Believe it or not, jail. Over/ under.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 6 months ago (3 children)

Was trying to figure out why this felt so familiar, then I remembered it's literally a plot point in the game Beholder 3, a game about an excessively oppressive surveillance government. Wild.

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[–] cosmicrookie 23 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (3 children)

BPM between 80 and ~~130~~ 116 are allowed. Their own national anthem is almost criminally low!

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[–] brey1013 23 points 6 months ago (2 children)

RIP the Chechen Drum n Bass scene 😢

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[–] [email protected] 23 points 7 months ago (2 children)

80-115 bpm only.

What is their legal definition of a beat?

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 7 months ago (2 children)

So what’s the opposite of eating the onion, and not believing that this is actual news, but it is?

[–] jaybone 26 points 7 months ago

It’s beating the onion. But you can only do it 80 to 115 times a minute.

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[–] TheBat 19 points 7 months ago

Fundies gonna fundie.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 7 months ago (1 children)

saving us from the national menace that is cotton eye joe.

[–] WindyRebel 27 points 7 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (1 children)

I’m sorry, where did this come from? Where did this go?

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[–] jordanlund 17 points 6 months ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 17 points 6 months ago

RIP nightclubs. RIP Cheeki Breeki.

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