Asklemmy

When you notice yourself not wanting to do something you know you should do, do it anyways. For me, it started with taking the stairs instead of the elevator at work. Snowball it from there. That's really the only way, there aren't shortcuts.

90% of willpower is preparation. Arrange your life to make the things you should do easier and the things you should avoid less convenient.

Example: To avoid sleeping in, or worse, dicking around on my phone instead of sleeping or getting up, I put my phone to charge on the other side of the bedroom.

Another: I put a speaker in my kitchen to listen to music when I wash dishes. A lot easier to wash just those last few pots, even if I feel like I'm ready for a break, if I want to finish the song.

ADHD Brains are different - so some advice that works for non-ADHD brains may or may not work.

In general, being present and meditation (in whatever way that works for you, but, generally the practice of observing your thoughts as they go by but not reacting to them) are helpful for 'strengthening' your thought patterns. Becoming aware of things and building up that muscle is how you can have more of that willpower.

Habits can be very difficult to build, don't get discouraged. Find things that work for you and ways to incentivize or motivate yourself.

https://www.youtube.com/@HowtoADHD/ Here's a great youtube channel

For me, it’s 100% about positive self talk and mini goals. Instead of trying to motivate myself to run 5 miles, it’s one 100ft section at a time. Fix a goal I can see, then run there and give myself a mental high five for getting there. Then do it again one more time. And then one more time and on and on til I get to the end.

The Science of Self Control is an excellent book about willpower and, well, self control. It goes into the science of it and how to use that to your advantage.

One thing I do is to reduce friction. You are more likely to do something if you make whatever it is easier to do. Conversely, if you want to stop doing something, increase friction (make it harder to do). Two examples:

You want to go to the gym in the mornings? Go to bed a bit earlier, get everything ready the night before, and maybe even sleep in your gym clothes.

Your want to stop eating cookies? Put them somewhere you're less likely to walk past them or see them.

In your case, maybe try removing things that are distractions, e.g. put your phone on the other side of the room.

Get tested for ADHD. If you have it, start working with a therapist who specializes in ADHD and can prescribe medication if necessary.

Or the cheaper option drink a coffee. Did it make it easier to focus? Yes? Then ADHD, so drink lots of coffee. Lol, but seriously just get tested.

When I was in grade 2 I had an old substitute teacher tell us a story about how he trained his willpower by setting an alarm every night at 3 am and when it went off he’d do 10 jumping jacks.

I tried it that night, got out of bed and did 2 jumping jacks before realizing this was the dumbest thing ever. If I had the willpower to get out of bed in the middle of the night to exercise I already had the willpower in the first place.

But weirdly enough ever since that night I’ve been able to get out of bed on the first alarm

Meditation. It's scientifically proven to help with ADHD.

If you have ADHD, forget combating it with willpower. You need to reduce distractions.

But most of all, get diagnosed properly and then a psychotherapist can help you further, as might the appropriate meds.

In most cases it is not a lack of willpower but rather an exhaustion of the same. Try to arrange your daily routine around things you WANT to do and limit the things that burn attention and mental energy (doom-scrolling social media, ….).

It’s all about managing your (dopamine) resources economically.

This is exactly what you said. Workout and cold showers.
Even if a cold shower is once a day, it is enough. Willpower is like a muscle, you don't have to exert it constantly, but regularly.
As for working out, you don't have to like it, to make it. This is the hard pill to swallow, but struggling is part of it, at least in the beginning.
What I find helpful personally, is to watch a coaching video. You follow the moves of the vlogger at the same pace, and only pause when you can absolutely not take it anymore. I end up cursing at the video and hating my life on the spot.

I recon that it helped me have more control on myself (like pain tolerance). But as for the ADHD you describe, I am not sure I saw any improvement personally.

I would say first and foremost be kind to yourself, @[email protected]. Strengthening your willpower begins with good self-care techniques. Set regular, realistic, and achievable goals and when you achieve them, do something positive for yourself. Too often we are our own worst enemies and by beating yourself up you actually make it harder to achieve what you really want. This is something I struggle with even though I do not have ADHD. Will-power comes not from negative reinforcement but from the positive kind. 😀

Not exactly what you’re asking but possibly helpful-

I’ve found that ‘pairing’ the item of resistance to another established habit has been helpful. A decent example is putting my gym stuff on the bathroom counter. I have the habit of brushing my teeth in the morning and now I have my exercise clothes where I’m guaranteed to see them. It’s harder to make excuses and at this point you just gotta commit.

This might be more what you’re asking about-

I got the pairing idea from a great series on procrastination, Solving the Procrastination Puzzle by Tim Pychyl. The speaker takes the approach that resistance is not a matter of will power but a matter of emotional regulation. I recommend checking it out!

I listened to it on Waking Up but you might be able to find it elsewhere. Here’s a link to where I listened, free 30 days no credit card needed. (There is no incentive for me, just sharing what helped me) https://dynamic.wakingup.com/pack/PK0AA14?source=content%20share&share_id=0FEBBC65&code=SC112CD68

Dr K at Healthy Gamer has a tonne of really great advice for dealing with this and especially for ADHD sufferers. He talks about urge-surfing and how to develop and strengthen the parts of your brain that end up giving you back control in terms of decision making, willpower and responding to habits. Here’s a short on urge-surfing but have a dig thru the rest of the channel https://youtube.com/shorts/SUgJdsTCs0E?feature=share

I have found it useful, even healthy in stressfulness work situations, to allow myself the distraction - but only for a little while. This works fairly well for me.

Do one other thing. Play only one round of Minesweeper (yes, that's me). Read only one thing on Lemmy. Pick one of those. Then get back to work. For a while, anyway.

I always get myself to do things I don't want to by thinking "Future-me is going to be much happier when he finds that present-me did this already."

Helps me find the motivation to exercise, make myself a good cup of coffee instead of a kcup, do the dishes after dinner, lots of things. And past me is such a bro, saved me from present-me having to do those things.

“Just do it” is such easy advice to give but I feel your pain OP. There are things I want to accomplish that I CANNOT get myself up to do. I can’t execute plans or schedules for things that don’t immediately threaten my livelihood. It’s a real PITA. Executive dysfunction is a term I’ve read about recently that describes this.

I’m convinced the way we think about things is the driving force. For example, I’ve always struggled to work out regularly. What’s really been helping me the last month is the mantra “I’ll never regret working out but I absolutely will regret not working out”. So try to critically evaluate your thought processes behind the things you want to accomplish and see if there is another way of thinking about it that makes doing it easier.

Well, the research says that therapy is great, but only after you're on meds. You don't lack willpower, it's a physiological problem that needs to be addressed by medical care.

A good morning routine is perfect for building momentum. I wake up at 6 AM and walk to my bathroom where I keep a bottle of water, as I am always thirsty in the morning. I brush my teeth, meditate, and engage in some light cardio, (literally something like 50 jumping jacks. It's nothing too serious) Afterward, I take a warm shower, gradually lowering the temperature until it's cold. Finally, I eat breakfast.

That's a morning routine that works for me and is (mostly) copied from a Youtube video I watched on how to stay motivated. This is what works for me so I think it may be a good watch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOEfDcGbbXo&t=362

Siiiigh. I don't wanna. It's true though.

Cold showers.

Especially after warm shower for the first half.

You should aim to barely be reacting. Focus on your breathing to distract your whole nervous system from the feeling of discomfort the cold water brings.

You're training your body to not react to adverse events. To roadblocks, to shitty situations, to things that might otherwise derail you.

Cold showers are key.

Or, ya know... Batting cages.