this post was submitted on 04 Mar 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

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If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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>be me
>lifting in the garage
>mom walks in with a plate of tendies with chinese sauce
>always told mom to not to come to the garage while I lifted
>always told mom to never look me in my eyes while I lifted (its where my demons hide)
>she made eye contact
>the plate fell from her hands
>the young man she had been raising had turned into a FUCKED UP beast
>she covers her mouth with both her hands as she lets out a yelp
>turns around and runs away
>put the rusty barbell down
>calmly walk up to the mirror and smash it as I see the beast too
Gosh dang it /fit/, we were gonna go shopping this weekend. What do I do now?

all 42 comments
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[–] InfiniteStruggle@sh.itjust.works 59 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I can't say if this is satire.

[–] MrJameGumb 41 points 1 year ago (3 children)
[–] TxzK@lemmy.zip 71 points 1 year ago (1 children)

A sauce of Chinese origin one would assume

[–] MrJameGumb 53 points 1 year ago (2 children)

As one might get with a succulent Chinese meal? At McDonald's???

[–] Klear 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Localised entirely in your kitchen?!?

[–] EmoDuck@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 year ago

And my axe!

[–] bionicjoey@lemmy.ca 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Ah yes. I see you know your Judo well.

[–] zip@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 1 year ago

UNHAND MY PENIS!

[–] Blue_Morpho 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Szechuan sauce. Subtle Rick and Morty reference implying he's a neck beard fanatic.

[–] MrJameGumb 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Do they even make Szechuan sauce anymore though? Are people on 4Chan just reposting their own stories now or did McDonald's just give him old rancid sauces?

[–] Blue_Morpho 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I always assume it's an old meme being reposted on Lemmy.

[–] MrJameGumb 3 points 1 year ago

The date says 3/1/24

[–] fibojoly@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 year ago

It's one of the McD standard sauces you can get with chicken nuggets : BBQ, curry or Chinese.

[–] Sanctus 28 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Theres only one option now, Anon. Pick that bar back up.

[–] tetris11@lemmy.ml 2 points 11 months ago

And put it down. And then pick it up again.

[–] RampantParanoia2365 26 points 1 year ago (2 children)
[–] OneWomanCreamTeam@sh.itjust.works 28 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Anon is telling a satirical story about how primal and intimidating they are now that they lift weights.

[–] Blue_Morpho 7 points 1 year ago

It sounds like a scene from Teen Wolf.

[–] Big_Boss_77@lemmynsfw.com 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Is it...actual satire though? Or does homie actually think that way?

[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 13 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I take it you don’t lift. It can be difficult for the untapped to understand our mindset. Me btw

[–] Big_Boss_77@lemmynsfw.com 3 points 1 year ago

I bow to your...unquestionable experience lmao

[–] massive_bereavement@kbin.social 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 year ago

I’m pretty sure you’re already aware but there have been issues with kbin lately. I didn’t realize it was “2 days to federate a reply” bad, but that’s how she be.

[–] DAMunzy@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 1 year ago

That means you're mostly normal. Shh, bby. It's ok

[–] elbucho 21 points 1 year ago

He might not be an angle, but he sure is acute!

[–] son_named_bort 19 points 1 year ago

How can you say he is no angle when he's clearly being obtuse.

[–] pruwybn@discuss.tchncs.de 17 points 1 year ago (2 children)
[–] Patches@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

John Demonsoul, That's what we used to call him.

[–] Kit@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 1 year ago

Wow that's a throwback

[–] psycho_driver 12 points 1 year ago

How bout you not lift in the nude, anon?

[–] Wetstew 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] Shou 1 points 1 year ago

Please do... how?

[–] The_wild_card@lemmy.ml 5 points 1 year ago

Woah he is strongh enough to cut me through the internet.

[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 3 points 1 year ago