this post was submitted on 07 Feb 2024
1040 points (97.4% liked)

Microblog Memes

5878 readers
4468 users here now

A place to share screenshots of Microblog posts, whether from Mastodon, tumblr, ~~Twitter~~ X, KBin, Threads or elsewhere.

Created as an evolution of White People Twitter and other tweet-capture subreddits.

Rules:

  1. Please put at least one word relevant to the post in the post title.
  2. Be nice.
  3. No advertising, brand promotion or guerilla marketing.
  4. Posters are encouraged to link to the toot or tweet etc in the description of posts.

Related communities:

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
1040
submitted 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) by Stamets to c/microblogmemes
 

I left /c/Risa because the moderator there was letting his own personal feelings color rules, removing posts that violated no clearly written rules, and creating new rules without even running it past the community or asking how they feel about it.

The moderator of this community is guilty of that same behavior.

I'll be over on [email protected].

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] dipshit 101 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (7 children)

I have only ever made crow enemies. you do not want crow enemies.

also, if you see a dead or dying crow in your driveway, don’t move it. don’t touch it. even if it’s blocking your car (idk, buy a new car instead?) maybe call animal control but by all means don’t present yourself near the dead crow - the crows will assume you killed it and will make your life hell. i was divebombed multiple times for many blocks from my house. i only gingerly moved the bird a few feet over to the grass so my wife could move the car and get to work. but crows remember. boy do they remember.

this only stopped when i moved to another city

[–] pete_the_cat 45 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Crows have been shown to hold grudges for years, even if they don't see the thing they hate for years.

You can never go back to your old house haha

[–] dipshit 28 points 9 months ago (1 children)

As I understand it, they also communicate with other crows too, so there’s a slim chance I will be found in this city as well. Yay.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Your own personal CORVID-19

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] NotMyOldRedditName 9 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Imagine showing your kid the house you used to live in 10 years ago and they remember and dive bomb you.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 39 points 9 months ago (1 children)

(puts on disguise) Can you update us with your new address so we can send you a gift?

[–] dipshit 19 points 9 months ago

Look y’all, I don’t want any trouble!

[–] [email protected] 23 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (2 children)

They ALSO hold courts and occasionally kill other crows as a group. It's possible your interference in their capital punishment ritual is considered a high crime.

Warning: I researched this and can't find evidence that it's true, but crow funerals are actually a thing that happens, so my advice stands: do not interfere with crow rituals involving dead crows!

[–] dipshit 8 points 9 months ago
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Anticorp 13 points 9 months ago (1 children)

My neighbor had a crow die in his backyard and the crows harassed him and his dog mercilessly every time he went outside, until he moved out of the house.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 9 months ago (1 children)

We had this happen and they harassed my dog for a few weeks (and scared the shit out of me for a few days) but then stopped caring.

[–] Anticorp 13 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Here's a funny story. When my neighbor was telling me about the crows hating him and his dog, we were at a party. Someone else overheard him telling me, but missed the first part, so she only heard "died in our backyard, but they think we killed him, so they keep harassing us now". The eavesdropper was like "WAIT! What the fuck is going on?". Haha.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 9 months ago (4 children)

I wonder if it would work to put on a disguise

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

It can, just don't let them see you change in or out of it, or go into the same car or house. Don't let them see the disguise in your possession either. Also don't talk while disguised.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I always hear this and I always wonder. What happens if you go to war with them. Like if you start seriously fucking them up, will they keep coming at your till they are all dead or will they realise you are not be fucked with?

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] EdibleFriend 85 points 9 months ago (3 children)

A bird bringing me gifts is one of my biggest dreams in life.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 9 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 11 points 9 months ago (3 children)

Is she the one who got sued by neighbors?

Oh ya

In their lawsuit, two neighbors – Matt Ashbach and Christine Yokan – claimed the Manns’ bird feeders were drawing rats and flocks of birds to the East Shelby Street home. They demanded $200,000 in compensation for damage they claimed had been done by the birds, and a court order preventing the Manns from setting out more than a quarter-pound of animal food each day.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 9 months ago (2 children)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Me too. I see all these people making crow friends and I want in.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago

Cat food and unsalted peanuts

[–] cashews_best_nut 33 points 9 months ago (4 children)

I can't believe this! I've been feeding starlings near me with bits of Greggs baguettes and pastries.

Have I received a stone?

Have I bollocks!!

Selfish little bastards - I'm going on strike. No more will they take advantage of my altruistic nature!

I thought I was building an army of starlings! Instead I've been taken for a fool!

[–] this_1_is_mine 10 points 9 months ago (4 children)

I hate starlings with a passion. Sorry but they are beating out a lot of my local song birds.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago

They're only even in the US because of Shakespeare smh

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] Thcdenton 8 points 9 months ago

I don't think starlings give gifts.I could be wrong tho.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 29 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Could you share more about what the mods are doing?

While I think it's better to discuss rule changes ahead of time, many communities are in early stages and are being built up as we go.

In that case it's still worth discussing the rule changes after they happen. You're free to use whichever community and not say anything, but it helps to share what you don't like so others can weigh in (and maybe change unpopular rules)

[–] ReadyUser31 12 points 9 months ago (4 children)
load more comments (4 replies)
[–] teamevil 23 points 9 months ago (1 children)

You have created a friendship with a murder of crows. Be well with your new power.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 9 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 11 points 9 months ago

Don't start.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 18 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

'Hmmm - what can I bring in return? No cool shiny things around here- ooh! Gizzard stones! They're useful! Hope this one's big enough 'cause they're much bigger than I am!'

[–] [email protected] 16 points 9 months ago (3 children)

That's payment for a second piece of pastry. Failure to complete the transaction will result in your status being marked contemptible by the Crow Commerce Coalition. Appropriate sanctions and penalties will apply. They're gonna follow you home, tell their friends and track your vehicle. They'll probably harass your kids. Crow clan ain't nothing to fuck with.

[–] teamevil 5 points 9 months ago

The Murder of Crows has a Crow Commerce Coalition‽

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 16 points 9 months ago (4 children)

My crows have never brought me anything :/ They've followed me home from the shop squawking to be fed, and they'll hang around and chat, but they have yet to sully our relationship with remuneration.

[–] Pretzilla 7 points 9 months ago

*remurderation

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] ChickenLadyLovesLife 16 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I've been feeding my local crow family, unsalted roasted peanuts almost every day for two years now. They know me and come flying over whenever they see me walk outside my house, sometimes they even follow me home in my car or on my bike. They've never brought me shit, ungrateful little bastards.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] JustZ 13 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (2 children)

I've been trying to do this. I seem to have several separate groups of crows living in the nearby woods. But they are super skittish. If they are in the yard and I open the door, they immediately fly away.

I've been trying to do a mix of a unique whistling call, and throwing food, but I don't think they've even found the food, let alone connected it to the whistle.

[–] Anticorp 10 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Do you have dogs? You will not be able to befriend crows if you have dogs or cats. They will always immediately fly away. I tried to befriend our neighborhood crows for years, with zero success. They'd always fly away, like you said. But within a week of our dogs passing, the crows stopped flying away when we went outside. Idk how they know, but they know.

[–] JustZ 4 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

That's plausible.

Fenced in, three legged, and old for a dog.

If I were a crow I might even be hanging around for the dog.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 12 points 9 months ago

Crow stones bring luck for the rest of the crow's lifespan!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago

The crows in Seattle are a special kind of smart. I always enjoyed watching them doing their thing. Watching them fly west in the morning and east in the evening is magical. So many crows for a brief moment!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago

Don't eat it! It's a trap!

[–] ace_garp 6 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Congratulations on opening your first restaurant!

load more comments
view more: next ›