this post was submitted on 05 Jan 2024
542 points (98.9% liked)

RPGMemes

10422 readers
550 users here now

Humor, jokes, memes about TTRPGs

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
[email protected]
[email protected]
542
DM phrases your players will LOVE! (media.kbin.social)
submitted 11 months ago by PugJesus to c/[email protected]
37 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 
all 40 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] TootSweet 96 points 11 months ago

I remember something my first DM did.

Player: Ok. I'll open the door.

DM: You're turning the doorknob?

Player: Wait. Never mind. I'll search first.

DM: Too late. Which direction do you turn the doorknob?

Player: Sweating. Um... clockwise?

DM: And which hand do you turn the doorknob with?

Player: Ri-... Left.

DM: And do you push or pull the door?

Player: Push...

DM: The door swings open.

The entire table was dead silent for a full 30 seconds. Nothing ever happened. Or if it did, we never made the connection to the door.

That DM was a joker. Lol.

[–] [email protected] 61 points 11 months ago (2 children)

My old DM's favourite was the good old "you sure about that?"
Now and again they'd ask it as a bluff, so you never knew for sure if they were serious or not

[–] [email protected] 56 points 11 months ago (3 children)

It's always great when the DM asks the player if they're sure about that and the player still does the crazy thing, and then gets mad about the consequences.

Played with one murderhobo that attacked 7 town guards in the town square without warning by themselves. The DM asked the player if they were sure ans the player still proceeded. When the guards attacked back and killed the player's character (all while the rest of the group just watched as this wasn't the first time dumb shenanigans happened), the player complained. "It's what my character would have done." and the DM responded with "it's what the guards would have done."

Suffice to say the next session that player had a new character that made slightly smarter decisions.

[–] justlookingfordragon 21 points 11 months ago (2 children)

My old group had the opposite problem sometimes. In one campaign, we ended up with an NPC perma-drunk street urchin who was too obnoxious for his own good, and just kinda tagged along with the actual party because it meant he could get a free meal as long as they tolerated him. He was meant to give the characters some hints for the campaign and then get chased off or locked up or otherwise removed, but the party basically instantly adopted him, tried to teach him some manners, got him out of trouble whenever he did some Really Dumb Shit™ like groping a city guard or telling a priestess to go f- herself or barfing on the druid's familliar. I think our DM was a little frustrated for a while that the one-off character he pulled out of his ass just to deliver a message ended up becoming a full-time job for him to play, despite his efforts to get the character killed or left behind.

Fast forward a couple of (in-game) years and what was once an annoying little shit is now an resposnible adult running his own tavern, in which our party frequently resides. All is well that ends well, I guess ;)

(still, that DM never again brought orphans into the play, just in case.)

[–] SkyezOpen 10 points 11 months ago (1 children)

That's on the dm. Players will adopt ANYTHING. One game I listened to involved a pc giving a cloak of elven kind to a little girl npc to keep her safe.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

We just adopted the Lost Mines of Phandelver goblin.

[–] asteriskeverything 6 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I love these stories! I love that he stuck around long enough to turn it around haha, I hope your party gets to drink for free after all that bs

[–] justlookingfordragon 4 points 11 months ago (1 children)

First round of the evening and one meal per person are always free at the Cranky Cat inn ;)

[–] asteriskeverything 3 points 11 months ago

Oh my gosh I love the name too!

[–] [email protected] 20 points 11 months ago (1 children)

My DM used to warn their players that if they acted like Murderhobos or were an accomplice to one, they would get treated like Murderhobos...

It also incentivised the party to keep their muderhobos in check, by force if necessary

[–] [email protected] 10 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I'm one of those. Especially if my character got something wrong and is acting on those assumptions. By the gods I love digging my own grave!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 11 months ago (1 children)

The problem is the stereotype of people who say “It’s what my character would have done.” are just using that as an excuse to dodge blame for having their overly edgy character perform questionable acts such as murderhoboing that ruin the fun for everybody else.

Having said that, understanding what your character would actually do in a given situation based on their current knowledge, background, etc. can make for really good RP situations, but must be done in good faith (unlike above)

[–] [email protected] 3 points 11 months ago

Completely agree with you. Being disruptive is always a player choice, everything the character does is always a player choice.

[–] paddirn 6 points 11 months ago

Some of the GM’s we play with telegraph everything and will ask this and basically give away that we’re on the wrong track or not doing what they were planning for. Even when you say, “Yeah, sure, I’m going to do it,” they’ll basically spoil their own game trying to dissuade us from doing something. It just always feels like a lack of imagination, just let people do stupid shit and deal with the consequences.

[–] Makeitstop 39 points 11 months ago

"Are you sure you want to do that?" - You were until they asked. The tone and emphasis varies depending on whether its something that might be risky (even if the gm knows it will pay off) vs when it's something the character would obviously know not to do.

"You can try" - One of three possible responses to any question starting with "can I...", the other two being "that's not how that works" and "not if you want to continue playing with the rest of us."

"That is weird, isn't it?" - Something doesn’t add up. Is it a plot hole? Did the gm make a mistake? No, of course not, there's just more going on here than you know. Be sure to also use it when there really is something they don't know, as well as when they are just making wrong (but not game disrupting) assumptions. Say it often, knowingly, and with just a hint of smug satisfaction.

[–] Cold_Brew_Enema 34 points 11 months ago

Ours has been using "Well you feel like you're hidden"

[–] [email protected] 31 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (2 children)

Where are you keeping your coins?

This one is particularly funny to me since I am the only player in my group that meticulously denotes not only what I have, but where I have it. From the container to the placement of that container. I tend to play liars and sneaky dudes a lot so I have all kinds of hidden compartments in my clothing and even my tools to stash things.

"I take out my portable hole."

"Where did you have that portable hole?"

"In my bag of holding of course."

[–] [email protected] 38 points 11 months ago

Placing a portable hole inside an extradimensional space created by a bag of holding, handy haversack, or similar item instantly destroys both items and opens a gate to the Astral Plane. The gate originates where the one item was placed inside the other. Any creature within 10 feet of the gate is sucked through it and deposited in a random location on the Astral Plane. The gate then closes. The gate is one-way only and can't be reopened

https://roll20.net/compendium/dnd5e/Portable%20Hole#content

As a DM that delights in destruction, that would definitely trigger a new plotline.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 11 months ago (1 children)

As soon as your DM found that out you should have been vaporized. Putting a portable hole inside another extra-dimensional container causes a very large and deadly boom.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 11 months ago

Not deadly, just displacement-y. It dumps you into the Astral Plane in your physical form but deals no damage.

Now the effects of the Astral Plane on an unprepared non-spellcaster can be pretty deadly. But that isn't the boom's fault.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 11 months ago

"OK, so a few things happen."

[–] Nariom 23 points 11 months ago (1 children)

always sprinkle them here and there for no reason as to dilute the actual danger

[–] [email protected] 16 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Paranoia is what we DMs call "Fuel for FUN"

[–] [email protected] 7 points 11 months ago (1 children)

A built an entire 10 adventure side quest directly as a result of the assumptions players made to my rolling for if they noticed the bread was day old and they all failed. Since no one noticed anything out of place, (various immediately "for no reason" needed to look for something in their packs later), as the paranoia grew I just rolled with their assumptions until the story was mostly fleshed out. To this day none are the wiser and think it was pure genius how I came up with all that outlandish stuff ahead of time.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 months ago

DM passed the bluff check

[–] [email protected] 13 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Kinda tempted to run a dungeon that is the crypt of some famous illusionist or whatever. It'd be mostly empty rooms, but I'd constantly say things like this and maybe have them roll pointless checks now and then.

Or maybe do the fun thing of handing each player a note saying "you are not a mimic".

[–] [email protected] 11 points 11 months ago

Or maybe do the fun thing of handing each player a note saying “you are not a mimic”.

Oh my God, that's pure evil. I love it.

[–] sunbytes 12 points 11 months ago

And what order do you guys enter the room?

[–] [email protected] 12 points 11 months ago

A favourite of mine "I'll put on some more tea while you settle on a plan"

[–] [email protected] 10 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (2 children)

Laughs in ass pennies

[–] Brickhead92 6 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Where else would one store their roll of French Polynesian 50 Francs?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 11 months ago

Bend over and I'll show you

[–] [email protected] 1 points 11 months ago

that won't help much against Heat Metal

[–] sunbytes 1 points 11 months ago

And what order do you guys enter the room?