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How do you deal with two people who you are close to and have to spend every day with...but one of them hates the other one? (self.asklemmy)

submitted 11 months ago by dingus to c/asklemmy

27 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I apologize if this isn't allowed, but I wasn't sure exactly where to put it. Just let me know if it's inappropriate and I'll delete. Thanks.

I'm a loner, so my life is basically just work and the internet. Two of my coworkers are among my favorite people in the whole world, but one of them doesn't like the other one and will complain to me about how they don't like them.

We work incredibly closely together...only a few feet apart for hours on end. Our job also necessitates that we frequently communicate with one another. In the beginning, I absolutely loved it and there was no conflict.

Now, I often get my one coworker complaining to me that the other is lazy. And I'm not going to lie, the "lazy" one definitely takes more breaks than everyone and doesn't at all work as hard as the others. But that doesn't really bother me because she's a super incredibly nice and friendly person.

But over time it has bothered my hardworking coworker more and more and driven a wedge into what I would have once considered to be a friendship between the 3 of us.

It never gets to the point where there is yelling or arguments or anything, but it absolutely ruins the mood and then I hear about it later.

I interact with these people for hours on end every single day and I'm just not sure how to handle it. I've been struggling to know how to deal with it for months now.

To top it all off it gives me endless paranoia that the hardworking coworker secretly resents me and hates me too. This stuff never used to happen before, but know I feel like it's all that happens.

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Unfortunately, it still won’t help the issue of the tension in the room …

Actually it can. If you shut down your own participation, it can affect the whole room.

A big part of that tension is the two of them looking for commiseration from you in their gripes about the other. I bet if you declare yourself to not be a conduit for this energy, it will diffuse the whole thing.

Sometimes, one of the best things you can do for a person is pop their bubble. If you tell the complainer that you don’t want to hear her complaints, it might even end the complaints in her own head too.

[–] dingus 1 points 11 months ago

A big part of that tension is the two of them looking for commiseration from you in their gripes about the other. I bet if you declare yourself to not be a conduit for this energy, it will diffuse the whole thing.

It's even more awkward than that. It's only the "hardworking" one doing the complaining. The "lazy" one doesn't talk behind the other's back like that.

Sometimes, one of the best things you can do for a person is pop their bubble. If you tell the complainer that you don’t want to hear her complaints, it might even end the complaints in her own head too.

That's an interesting thought! I doubt it will make them completely go away, but perhaps it may lessen them.