this post was submitted on 12 Dec 2023
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Are people actually getting their undies in a bunch over a 3 year age gap? I find that hard to believe.
There are a lot of crazies out there. Some twitch or YouTube streamer I forgot the name of was accused of pedophilia for dating a minor a few years ago. His girlfriend was 17. He was 18 at the time.
IIRC a few years ago they tried to charge an 18 year old with possession of CP for having nudes of his 17 year old girlfriend at the time. Apparently her parents found out about their relationship and didn't approve. Which seems like something that could have been handled with a sit-down talk rather than arresting him and potentially putting him on a list for life, but what do I know.
Yeah, most states have clauses in their laws for small age differences in relationships when one partner is below the age of consent, but the photographs make it more tricky because that'll be sexual photographs of a minor forever.
Risky reporting it to the police though, since there have actually been cases of charging the underage girl with distribution, which is weird.
If he gets charged for possessing it, she should get charged for disseminating it.
If I remember correctly, there was at least one case where a woman was accused for production of child pornography for her own photos found during phone repair. Can't find the link though
Ya. The law is dumb as shit. I remember a story of a high school boy, i think 16yo, was tried for CP for having photos of himself on his phone.
The law is the law, I suppose🤷🏿
In capitalist America law breaks you.
Callmecarson. He was dating her before he turned 18 and there was only a couple months gap iirc.
That's the one!
3 year age gap is nothing. I don't understand people's need to be disgusted by or police consenting adults.
There's 15 years between me and my partner. Both 30+ so both very much consenting adults. But Christ, you still get people chirping with the 'power differential' bullshit. Like seriously, you'd think I was 13 the way people go at the age gap. Then again, that was when I actually used Reddit so.
People are always gonna be outraged by something stupid.
People who spend too much time on the internet, are often young, don't have that much experience of the real world, but do have a disproportionate voice online. That's why you'll read plenty of dumb shit on the internet when it comes to relationships.
Luckily most of them outgrow this nonsense by actually living life. They join the work force, they make friends, they fuck, they fall in love. Unfortunately rather than living life and growing, some people become terminally online. They spend all day on the internet talking about life rather than living it. Afraid of getting hurt, or because they were hurt and decided never again, they are destined to wake up one day and realise they've wasted what could have been the best years of the life.
It's sad, but it is what it is.
I dated a work colleague and people wouldn't shut up about that either. I honestly think they spent more time thinking about it than we did. It wasn't like she was my boss or anything so I wasn't quite sure why it made any difference.
They kept saying it would be awkward if we break up, but then there were people in the company I already hated and I didn't need to sleep with them to come to that conclusion.
Uh, if you were 13 and your partner 28, yep, that would be a "problem."
I put it in quotes because I guess it depends on the region's age of consent.
But my point is that an age gap can be significant depending on how old both parties are at the time.
Having said that, there was an 11 year old gap between me and my partner, but she was already in her mid-30s, so, no biggie.
That's why I specified 'between consenting adults', because yes, 13 and 28 is definitely a problem.
Oh. I missed that.
Man wait until they hear about mine if true. My wife 7 years younger then me.
That anyone would have an issue with a 23yo going out with a 20yo is so bonkers to me. And you? 2 consenting adults don't need to justify their relationship or intimacy to anyone.
If anyone was complaining to me about that age gap, i'd ignore anything they talked about forever.
That is also not a large gap.
Nope my bother wife 9 years younger then him. And my dad was once married to a woman 20 years older then him.
There was 25 years difference between my grandparents and no one ever thought that was a problem. It's this new phenomenon that seems to have come about that people seem to think it's an issue.
If you're 20 and dating a 10-year-old, that's a problem (hopefully we all agree on that). But if you're 30 and dating the 20-year-old, that's fine. The age difference isn't important. The age of the individuals is what matters.
Exactly, but my kids think it should be an issue. So I blame them todays youth thinks it's creepy.
Apparently, it's half the age of the older person plus 7.
Even that was just pulled out of someone's ass but for some reason it gets treated like it's science.
Yeah I looked it up and it stems from the French of all people, who you would have thought would have been perfectly fine with young love, but there we go. Maybe It comes from the puritan movement?
So I think we can retire that one. Also notice the use of the word ideal age. It wasn't a mathematical formula for calculating the youngest that it's acceptable to date. It's a mathematical formula to calculate the ideal age to date, presumably there is a lower lower bound.
That doesn't sound like a puritan movement to me. "Ideal age" implies that you can err on either side and that it was recommending people target what many consider today the minimum.
I wish everyone who treated that formula as gospel knew its origins.
Nerds who though a random simple formula is what makes something okay or gross
I know that's supposed to be a thing, but it doesn't make sense since, what is actually morally wrong with the 35-year-old dating a 20-year-old?
Everyone's an adult in that scenario, no one's taken advantage of anyone else.
My father was 36 and my mom was 23 when they got married. Other than him being somewhat abusive it was an okay marriage.
The time is not the issue. It's more that the two people are in different phases of life and maturity. Though 20 junior in university and 23 right out of college isn't really much of a difference. 20yo vs a 17yo junior in HS would be a much bigger difference
A 23-year-old just out of college acts exactly the same way as a 20-year-old in college. There's literally no difference.
Be careful speaking in absolutes regarding human behavior.
I get the difference in experience and where you are in life is a factor, but the issue is people presume the existence of that factor outweighs all others, and that it can only result in a negative.
Can you give me an example of actual harm being done to the younger person in a gap between high school and college? Harm that applies near universally, to every young person, if they ever enter a relationship with someone that is only a single major life experience ahead of them?
Harm can be done, obviously, but it's about the circumstances of that specific relationship. There's no reason to presume it as a rule in a case like this.
It also makes an unfair presumption on both parties: that the older person is irresponsible and manipulative, and the younger person is immature and vulnerable.
It really is kind of odd how much we talk about this topic without appreciating that at a certain point we are almost infantilizing young adults. We agree they're old enough to vote, own a gun, smoke, and drink, but we can't give them the the courtesy of respecting their decisions on who they want to sleep with? They're not actual children.
Uh huh. I'm not going to search for abuse cases. But you can tell it's very much frowned upon in society just by looking at popular media.
For a recent example: the new Scott Pilgrim show. He's universally looked down upon for dating a 17yo.
HS students are children.
Half your age plus seven is the “general rule” I’ve always heard, but there are always exceptions. Even with that 23 and 20 is fine.
I've known some people who had a '+5 on weekends' amendment to that rule.
That's more of a preference. The "your age divided by 2 plus 7" rule is more about social acceptability of the relationship. But hook-ups are just sex, and generally not subjected to scrutiny, and that doesn't have to be acceptable to anyone but you and your partner.
Most people generally like to keep their partners in their age range, but it's very flexible depending on the prospective partner. And there are quite a few young people out there that do genuinely like more mature sexual partners even if they'd never actually date them.
That calculation was a joke that justified old men dating women barely half their age. It wasn't meant to be an actual guideline
I saw a 27 year old on Reddit bragging about how they'd never date a 25 year old because they were too young 🙄
Social media really attracts some lunatics.
When I met my wife I was 27... she was 19. And I got some good-natured (I think) hassle about dating a teenager.
ಠ_ಠ
I met her at work, and assumed she was in her mid 20's. We had been dating for a few weeks when she told me that her birthday was in a few days. I asked her how old she would be and she said "20". Oops.
She's 36 now. But she still looks like she is in her 20's.
Yes they are. It's crazy.
Also there is a weird. Women are powerful and can look after themselves we have equality now. Then the next sentence omg that man is awful he is taking advantage of that poor helpless women who isn't capable of making her own life choices.