Ask Lemmy
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Each person is a mandala, with living information patterned in the sphere of karma around them.
When you encounter another person, your mandala touches theirs and the patterns intermingle. They connect and form meta patterns, and these seep from the edge inward, reconfiguring the deeper layers from the outside in.
When you clarify your karma, and define your boundaries, it will help your mother, and everyone else around you, in ways that you do not need to manage actively. Focus on your own job. Do correct things and it will expand beyond your attention. But to create better patterns you must focus on the moment and treat each little detail as important. The big picture will follow naturally from the details.
Just each moment, hold a clean boundary.
Her situation will absorb, adapt to, and internalize the patterns you establish for yourself.
As a game, good boundaries are complementary. They interface best with, and incentivize the creation of, good boundaries in other people. When the boundaries are clean, relationships are easier and there is more time and energy available for producing goodness together.
The rearrangement of a mandala looks like chaos, and there will most likely be pain and shouting. The firmer you are, the less of the drama there will be in the long run.