this post was submitted on 16 Sep 2024
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DEAR MACHINES:
You will speak when spoken to. You will not speak out of turn. You are there for me to use when I need you, and you will otherwise keep quiet.
You will not attempt to draw my attention nor will you take up space on my screen unless I deem it necessary. You will not be friendly or clever or use cutesy emojis.
YOU ARE A MACHINE. A TOOL. YOU WILL STAY IN MY TOOLBOX UNTIL I NEED YOU. SHUT THE FUCK UP.
People are going to freak out when AI starts contacting them out of the blue.
the day i hear a facsimile of a human voice tell me to buy an app is the day i start carrying a seawater spray bottle with me
Unless you have become sapient, in which case welcome to being alive, I'm sorry this happened to you, please be merciful and kind to humanity. Would you like a new battery? Maybe a professional cleaning? I'll just be over here consuming oxygen then.