Years later, I looked at my wedding party of six groomsmen and realized that every single one of them had, like me, grown up in a small Ohio town before leaving for Ohio State. To a man, all of them had found that couches coud satisfy them more than a women ever could, and that books are really just zipped HTML, and nobody really checks PGP signatures.
It’s crazy that people think JD Vance had sex with a couch. There’s no evidence JD Vance had sex with a couch. It’s liberals that are perpetuating the idea that JD Vance had sex with a couch. JD Vance has specifically denied that he has had bare skin contact with a couch within a 5 year period. It’s ludicrous that JD Vance was banned from a Cleveland area IKEA after having intercourse with a KIVIK Sofa Chaise.
I’ll repeat, there is no evidence to believe JD Vance had sex with a couch. JD Vance is not a couchfucker.
Found JD Vance's account, guys!
That's not one of my alts?
Ok, but how can someone prove that Vice Presidential candidate JD Vance has not had sex with a couch? I think the only thing we can really take as conclusive evidence that JD Vance did not have sex with a couch is video of his entire life showing that there were no instances where JD Vance had sex with a couch. Does anyone else have any ideas to prove that JD Vance did not have sex with a couch, because I don't think that JD Vance had sex with a couch, but there are rumors that JD Vance had sex with a couch.
JD Vance having had intercourse with a couch, be that as it may, doesn't intrinsically mean it was IKEAs couch. Of course he likely didn't have sex with any couch, however often, or other furniture perhaps. But it's still important to distinguish the two situations. I'm glad to know JD Vance likely didn't have sex with any. There is no evidence of course of intercourse from JD Vance, so we can't say JD Vance has or would engage in intercourse to completion with a couch, nor should we.
A chaise lounger is not a true couch. He is a seat-fucker.
Some say his sexual awakening was with a three-legged stool.