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Solitude.
I appear to have had extraordinarily bad luck in my life, as nearly every significant friend or lover or family I've ever had is consistently some.combination of abusive, exploitative, duplicitous, violent, criminal, hypocrite, never willing to hear my side of any story.
Been by myself with a new phone number in a new state for some months now and I've never been less stressed out, never felt less burdened, never felt more free.
Took me 35 years to figure out... wait, what if I did what I wanted to do, enjoyed things because I enjoyed them instead of pretending to like some other thing because someone else does, what if I stopped bending over backwards to solve everyone else's problems when they usually just go out of their way to cause more problems for me, and never give anything meaningful back, and in fact usually blame me for things I have no control over, and then spread unfounded rumors about me due to their own massive neuroticism and guilt complexes?
I am quite happy now. I've never needed much to be happy, and nearly no one who has ever claimed to care about me has ever once been able to handle my honest opinions about what they have put me through.
Its been astounding to realize that actually, I make friends quite easily and get along with most people I meet great, whilst everyone I used to know has spent decades convincing me I am an unlikeable asshole who is merely to be tolerated.
I am going through setting strict boundaries and getting those people out of my life right now, so glad you managed the same!
Well, the final straw was when a number of them made me homeless, and the rest were either too busy or too emotionally burdened to help right now.
So after losing all my possessions, losing my job, being homeless for nearly a year, getting the shit kicked out of me regularly by fentanyl addicts uh... well, I should not have survived.
But despite nearly being killed more times than I can count, being held hostage by madman (who the police held for 30 days and then let loose), and witnessing a number of people I'd met along the way die...
It was not exactly easy.
But, by basically dumb luck, I survived.
And, being alive, having not only hit rock bottom, but having been dragged and kicked along its jagged ground... well, now I am free.
It is only after you lose everything, that you are free to do anything.
And for me, that means not having to deal with anyone while I do a whole lot of PT on disability.
Also, I now have a great deal of self confidence, as I am 100% certain any of those dumbfucks would have died going through a tenth of what I went through, yet I persist.
What is pt?
Also, amazing story and glad that you're doing better
Physical Therapy.
Whole lot of my tendons and muscles got torn, shifted into the wrong places and misused as I had to keep moving with the muscles that were not completely fucked, bones broken, etc.
I still can't really walk for long periods of time without massive pain, but it is slowly getting better.
Thanks for the well wishes =)
PT stands for "physical therapy." They're trying to improve or regain mobility, likely lost due to injury.