this post was submitted on 18 Nov 2023
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top 35 comments
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[–] ceenote 34 points 1 year ago (6 children)

So what'd they call him? Vlad the guy?

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Vlad the normal person who doesn’t impale people

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That's why he started the impaling. His name was too long.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

Makes sense

[–] Diprount_Tomato 17 points 1 year ago (2 children)
[–] ObviouslyNotBanana 12 points 1 year ago

Vlad the Pale

[–] jaybone 2 points 1 year ago

Vlad the expaler.

Is that a word?

Impale, expale, I just got an ounce in the mail.

[–] LazaroFilm 4 points 1 year ago

Vlad the good Lad

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Vlad the not yet impaler?

[–] FlyingSquid 2 points 1 year ago

Vlad the Impugner. He used to accuse people of lying all the time.

[–] hakunawazo 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Perhaps he was well endowed and already had the title before.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 year ago (1 children)

He did impale a loooooot of people though. He also had the title "Dracula", and may be the source of some of the legends about vampires.

So yeah, it's never too late to pursue your dreams, but you do still have to get off your ass and pursue the hell out of them. Also it helps if your dad is rich and powerful.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 year ago (2 children)

His father was in the order of the dragon. So he was Vlad Dracul, or Vlad the dragon. Vlad is the son of Dracul: Dracula or Vlad the son of the dragon. So basically the vampire is just the son of a dragon, which is pretty metal, but not as metal as the actual dragon.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It is a very metal title, and it's no wonder Bram Stoker chose it as the name of his character.

I still maintain that vampires = rabies, though.

  • Biting - the main way rabies is transmitted
  • Weak to holy water - rabies causes hydrophobia
  • Snarling faces - rabies causes muscles to tighten, dogs who have rabies are very snarly
  • Transforms into bats, wolves, etc - rabies is often spread by these animals
  • Feeds on livestock - many "prey" animals primarily exhibit the paralytic form of rabies
  • No reflection - in the past, a person was not considered rabid if they could look at their own reflection

Give me any other vampire trope, I think I can relate it to rabies.

[–] Spiralvortexisalie 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Would love to hear garlic and wooden stakes

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago
  • Garlic - rabies victims have an aversion to strong stimuli, eg taste, smell, and also light.
  • Wooden stakes - in the late stages rabid people are paralytic. They're still alive, but don't move. However, if you stab them they might scream.
[–] Paddzr 3 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I know you watched the same behind the bastards episode... But basically all of Romania, the people behind these, used it as the devil meaning. Yes the word might have medieval origins, but what Robert overlooked is when the stories actually began being formed.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Yes the word might have medieval origins, but what Robert overlooked is when the stories actually began being formed.

Yes exactly! But at least he did mention rabies, and Balkan legends involving werewolves, even if only in passing.

Tbh I think there are so many facets to the "vampire" and associated legends that anyone can be forgiven for not comprehensively covering all of them - particularly with how they've been blended together over the last century or so. The podcast is meant to be about specific bastard people, after all.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I don't imply to be an expert. But all the information I got was from the first paragraph of vlad the impaler and vlad II Dracul.

It is interesting that in Romania it's a synonym for devil. That's metal.

But about the midieval origins, Vlad the Impaler is from the actual middle ages. As is his father. So I would assume the midieval origins are "the Dragon" or "Son of the Dragon". Any other origins might be influenced by Vlad II or Vlad the impaler.

They might have been: Vlad Bad, Dragon = devil. And it stuck. But I don't know. I'm not a historian.

[–] FlyingSquid 17 points 1 year ago (2 children)

You say that, but I'm 46 and I've never been given the opportunity to impale anyone. Now is that fair?

[–] sigh 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

the opportunity has always been there, your eyes just weren't open to it yet

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

This message is sponsored by the U.S. Marine Corps.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

And the Prisons For Profit of America Association.

[–] jaybone 9 points 1 year ago

Maybe you just haven’t really applied yourself.

[–] Viking_Hippie 9 points 1 year ago

So what you're saying that I'm already half a decade late to start impaling people? Well, fuck..

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago

Yeah before that he was called "some dude in a weird hat." I'm glad he found a hobby that he was good at.

[–] peopleproblems 8 points 1 year ago (3 children)

you know, I always wondered how he impaled people. Like was it belly to back? seems simple and just lots of stabbing. Was it like butt to head? That would be pretty horrifying because you gotta get through bones and organs and breathing Was it limbs? Be a pretty slow death.

[–] Diprount_Tomato 8 points 1 year ago

Afaik ass to mouth

[–] Paddzr 4 points 1 year ago

Ass up was common, but also impaling through turbans for even great disrespect.

[–] RIP_Cheems 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Ok, so image a spit roast, except the shaft is a wooden rod the thickness of your forearm and the meat is you. The shaft is forced into the meat, starting at the ass, and carefully inserted as to not damage its surroundings until it comes out the other end, this being your mouth, and then the shaft is firmly placed in the ground so that you are now an example of what not to do. Also, it is said that vlad was so good at impairing people that they would still be alive after the shaft went all the way through, leaving them in pain as they slowly die from either organ failure, internal bleeding, or thirst and/or starvation.

[–] affiliate 4 points 1 year ago

i hope my 30s aren’t mid

[–] vegantomato 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

This demon got his head shopped off and impaled (if I recall correctly) outside of Istanbul.

In 1476, while marching to yet another battle with the Ottomans, Vlad and a small vanguard of soldiers were ambushed, and Vlad was killed and beheaded — by most reports, his head was delivered to Mehmed II in Constantinople as a trophy to be displayed above the city's gates.

https://web.archive.org/web/20231118000013/https://www.nbcnews.com/sciencemain/vlad-impaler-real-dracula-was-absolutely-vicious-8c11505315

He got what was coming to him.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

Wait wait don't tell me taught me he was probably vegan.

[–] ohlaph 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

There is still time, is what you're saying...

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Also, in those days, that was like 50.