"Men are victims of the patriarchy too" is an incredibly powerful message that I wish more men understood.

People always seem shocked when I'm offended by terms like "I hate men".

Like it's somehow wrong of me to be offended by blatant misandry because I should just "know what they mean". I'm one of "the good ones, they don't mean me when they say it". Horseshit.

The second poster’s story so clearly shows why a man’s partner being their only emotional support is devastating to both people in the relationship, yet this idea is still so insidiously pervasive in our society. No one wins.

I remember something similar to this when my mom died 15 years ago. Lots of aunt's and friends reaching out to my sister to support her, traveling across the country to visit. I don't think I ever even got a note.

But I do have the thing where I probably wouldn't have cared either, if not for watching the support my sister got, it never would have occurred to me someone could do those things. And I know those people aren't my actual friends, so I really had zero expectations from them. I think it was more the insult on top of injury that bothered me. "Not only do we not care, but we're going to show you what we would be doing if we did care."

I never took this as a boy/girl thing though. I never fit in in life, still to this day. Just sorta expected.

How did "grieve different" become don't grieve at all? I'd be willing to bet that if men started grieving exactly like women, they still wouldn't get the support they need.

I thought men were supposed to suffer in silence then die early from stress and chemical numbing?

Edit: Funny this popped up in lemmy today https://lemmy.world/post/8222670

I just watched Netflix anime 'Blue Eye Samurai.' Highly recommended. There's a scene where a princess is talking to the madam of a notorious bordello that specializes in the unusual. The madam goes on and on about how weak and fragile men are, how they need their egos massaged and need to feel supported.

After reading the post, I realized that this is a pretty common trope in fiction; sex workers talking about how most of their clients are only there because they need something that their jobs/families/communities deny them.

Just a thought.

I am seeing a lot of pushback--presumably from feminists--towards men that are expressing their experiences.

Guys it's okay to cry.

It's ok to have emotions.

It's ok to not be ok.

...But that has not been my experience.

Should it be? Yes, absolutely. But is it now? No. And unfortunately, in my experience, the women that are saying such things--almost always self-identifying feminists--are also often then ones that are unaccepting of any display of emotion in men that aren't coming from a place of strength. Men are e.g., expected to shrug off grief and depression and go back to work the day after a funeral. I shan't be too specific for risk of doxxing myself, but I've noted that I'm expected to muscle through physical pain and mental exhaustion, while none of my partners--either current or former--will hold themselves to the same standard that I am held to by them.

I cynically think that many self-identifying feminists don't want to abolish patriarchy, they just want to be able to benefit from it the same way that men do, without paying any of the costs for that benefit that men shoulder.

Ah, fuck it. We’re supposed to suffer in silence. We’re men. Man up, guys! Grit your teeth and bear it! (/s)

No one checks on me and that’s fine. I don’t really need people to check on me like I’m fragile. I fight my own battles; always have, always will. But for those who do need the more frequent check-ins, they should absolutely have them and should be able to ask for them without fear of ridicule or mockery.

The fact that, statistically speaking, no one cares about lonely folk is pretty discouraging, but you can’t force people to care. And even if you could, it wouldn’t be worthwhile or heartfelt. I sure as hell don’t want people to feel like they have to give a shit.

Stay strong, gents. It’s not weak to ask for help if you need it, even from internet strangers.

Yesterday I had a comment from a woman friend along the line of "my daughter says you're always serious but nice. You should work on that". She didn't think of asking me why I am always serious...

International Men's Day -- 19th of November.

https://internationalmensday.com/

Talk to each other. Don't let someone go through their life alone.

Gotta love that even the very emotional "men have feelings and need support too" post ends with "treat them as wretched because they are wretched." Absolutely fucking tonedeaf to bring that type of negativity and derogatory generalization about men to this context. Big "not all men, but..." energy

As a military veteran of Iraq and Afghanistan, this shit hits home. I've seen men break down and men who push it down until it is safe to let the feelings come out. Both are common, but for men you have to be able to keep the emotions in during a crisis situation. The men and women who are unable to do that pose risks of sudden suicide or uncontrollable behavior. Everyone has to let them out, that is extremely important.

Friends?