this post was submitted on 06 Oct 2023
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Not The Onion

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cross-posted from: https://feddit.uk/post/3045623

He said it made him think: “You can’t arrest me no more; I’ve seen your private parts.”

He said any respect he had for her work or the department disintegrated after he recognised her as an OnlyFans model. “I wouldn’t want her to be arresting me and I just saw you and your husband last night for $29.99 have sex on OnlyFans. I just can’t respect you or the precinct that you’re working at,” he continued.

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[–] [email protected] 164 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Ah yes, the ol' Incel defense: You can’t cite me bc I don’t respect you.

[–] kn33 56 points 1 year ago

Right? I don't respect cops in general, but I still have a speeding ticket on my record.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 year ago

The "fun" intersection of incel with sovereign citizen bullshit.

[–] [email protected] 150 points 1 year ago (6 children)

“Cool story bro thanks for $30 now get in the fucking car and be quiet”

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[–] mrcleanup 117 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Narrator: she could, in fact, arrest him.

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[–] [email protected] 102 points 1 year ago (8 children)

He can’t respect her because she’s a sex worker and not because she’s a cop? Man talk about being right for the wrong reasons

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[–] [email protected] 98 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Who the fuck pays $30 to watch an online sex video?

[–] [email protected] 37 points 1 year ago (1 children)

People who want to try out this cool trick

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago (1 children)

"The police hate this one cool trick"

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[–] kSPvhmTOlwvMd7Y7E 76 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Being on OF definitely doesn't grand the right to pull over drivers! Being a cop however, does..

[–] FourzerotwoFAILS 24 points 1 year ago

Just have to hit him back with the “I can’t respect you or anything you do because you pay $29.99 for porn when you can just get it for free. So your bail is now doubled as you clearly have more money than you need.”

[–] [email protected] 75 points 1 year ago (1 children)

"you can't arrest me no more, I've seen your privates" lmfao

[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 year ago

Cops hate this simple trick

[–] Arthur_Leywin 70 points 1 year ago

Bro paid to watch her and says he can't respect HER. Ok

[–] [email protected] 60 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

It's a nice loophole, but following all your local cops' OnlyFans can be expensive.

Much better to just go after the OnlyFans of judges. They can't sentence you if you've seen their private parts.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago (1 children)

No no, they'll just send you to another judge. Instead, you follow the president's OnlyFans. He runs the government, so once you have the government can't do anything to you.

[–] errer 15 points 1 year ago (1 children)

“Mr. Biden I have seen your butthole, you can’t touch me.”

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago

This person crimes

[–] [email protected] 50 points 1 year ago (1 children)

How much Does he spend on OnlyFans to accidentally stumble upon a local cop from his area? Is he looking to Platinum OnlyFans?

[–] [email protected] 34 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Wait...

This isn't the onion?????

What the fuck lmao

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Check which community you’re on rofl

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

Yes I know, but I legitimately thought it was the onion. It took me until I was reading the comments.

[–] AeonFelis 46 points 1 year ago (1 children)

“I wouldn’t want her to be arresting me"

Most people wouldn't want anyone to arrest them. Arrest is done against the arrestee's will. That's kind of the point.

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[–] Aggravationstation 39 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Reminds me of those Sovereign citizen videos on Youtube. People are sitting in their cars feeling all high and mighty filming the cops saying they can't arrest them for X or Y reason then the cops just bust their windows and pull them out whilst they're still screaming their bullshit. I'm not the biggest fan of the police but I do find those videos satisfying.

[–] Adalast 12 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I have actually heard from several police officers from a variety of departments that when they e counter a Sovereign Citizen they tend to have a policy to drop the situation unless it is a felony offence because too many officers have been gunned down by them over traffic stops and such.

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[–] [email protected] 37 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Cops already want to shoot you and your dog, and your brilliant move is to dunk on them?

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[–] [email protected] 34 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Gynaecologists never get arrested. Coincidence?

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] Noodle07 17 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Yup that's how the job works

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[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I too don't have any respect for people who have sex. I only respect asexuals.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago

Unfortunately for you, not all asexual people don't have sex. The amount of people you respect just keeps on dwindling 😔

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[–] ndru 26 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Some people guide their behaviour by a sense of morality.

Others are guided by the threat of authority.

[–] gibmiser 8 points 1 year ago

And still more are guided by whatever is most convenient at the time.

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[–] TheBat 24 points 1 year ago (1 children)
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[–] Kase 16 points 1 year ago (8 children)

I wanna know who's behind the onion and how tf they come up with this stuff. This is gold.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] Kase 21 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Oh god oh god I'm an idiot

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

more than two hours and still no link? 😱

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[–] cmbabul 13 points 1 year ago

If this actually worked there would’ve been a black market of naked cop videos

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago

It's a shame that hardworking people with real jobs these days have to take on a side hustle as a cop just to make ends meet 😞

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago

Did The Onion manage to sell one of their stories to the Indie?

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