I exist in a constant state of oscillation between the too. Objectively I am a good person, I’m kind and empathetic and always go out of my way to do little things to help strangers. My mind never wants to remember the good things though. Whenever I have a moments rest for my brain to just think about things, it always recalls the worst experiences of my life—from physical cringe-inducing social moments to the deepest existential regrets. I hate that I wasted the best years of my life on opiates. I hate that my dreams are all dead.

I hate myself and love myself about in equal amounts at least. But I live on this knife’s edge and always worry that a bad day could send me back spiraling.

[–] kamenlady 2 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Sometimes i feel like i inhaled the smoke of my very first joint ... exhaled and 30 years passed during that one in- and exhale.

Sure, now that i'm enjoying exercise and starting to live healthier, i realize that life went on without me. For many things, I'm just too old now.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Seriously everything after college has been the blink of an eye and mostly regret. Haven’t been in love for a decade and now my hair is thinning and I’m in a dead-end retail job and all my potential in every facet is loudly slipping away. Every day feels like a slap in the face.. or I guess it feels like my present self is slapping the face of me at 20.

[–] kamenlady 1 points 9 months ago

Are you me? Seriously, i haven't been in love for just about a decade too... I managed to be and stay a web developer since the 90's, i also managed to stay in a low profile and never ascend the great job opportunities in Internet, which was like a given in the last decades ... I try not to think about lost opportunities or i'll might implode.

But happy to know, there are at least 2 of us

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Not that I'm complaining, but is there a reason I'm missing for all the She-Ra memes lately?

[–] PugJesus 16 points 9 months ago

When I don't have anything else to post, I check my She-Ra memes folder