this post was submitted on 14 Aug 2023
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submitted 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) by JustAManOnAToilet to c/news
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[–] Thekingoflorda 3 points 2 years ago

Could you please edit the post to have the NSFW tag checked. Thank you (:

[–] Veedem 25 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Remember when we all thought how cute it was that that one otter was stealing surf boards? They’re done being cute, now.

[–] FuglyDuck 11 points 2 years ago (1 children)

different otters. entirely different species.

[–] PetDinosaurs 15 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Bruh. Don't fall for the propaganda.

This is just the beginning. I'm getting out while I still can.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I for one welcome our new floating fuzzy overlords…

[–] Earthwormjim91 8 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Otters are only cute to people that don’t know anything about otters.

They’re massive rapists.

[–] MaxMouseOCX 5 points 2 years ago (1 children)

If you look at the animal kingdom, you'll see that rape is kind of the norm.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago (1 children)

And yet, not a particularly great legal defence.

[–] MaxMouseOCX 2 points 2 years ago

No definitely not, but then "but! but! Dolphins do it! Why can't I?!" is probably not a good defense for anything... Legal or otherwise.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 years ago

Yeah, but they hold hands when they sleep and break clams on their tummies!!!

[–] TheLobotomist 15 points 2 years ago (3 children)

Just bite back, your teeth are bigger and your jaws are stronger! You are an animal, act like one!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Beat it into a pulp. Then have sex with its corpse. Not for pleasure but to send a message to its kind.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I don't have any messages I need to send that badly.

[–] Earthwormjim91 6 points 2 years ago (1 children)

That’s what otters do. If you want to send a message you have to speak their language.

Really though, otters are some of the most viscous little critters. They will rape other animals to death. Then rape their corpses.

Otters are fucked up.

[–] FlyingSquid 1 points 2 years ago

And yet so cute.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 years ago

Also, your saliva is more infectious.

[–] FireTower 5 points 2 years ago

Mustalids routinely win against larger prey. Stout kill full size rabbits and a wolverine has been recorded to have killed a polar bear. Don't give the otter an excuse.

[–] Torvum 14 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Otters are apex predators simply because they have the ability of tactical genius working in strike group squads. If you've ever seen the videos of them taking down and drowning crocodiles, then you know. They are not omg adorbs so cute!! They can and will destroy you. Walking navy seal copypastas.

[–] Blademax 1 points 2 years ago

Zootopia taught me that (Emmett) Otter(ton) is apex predator that can go...Savage.

[–] chalupapocalypse 11 points 2 years ago (2 children)

God damn I didn't know otters were 1.2 meters long, that's a big fuckin' marmot dude

[–] FlyingSquid 4 points 2 years ago

Giant otters in the Amazon can get to be 2 meters long.

[–] MaxMouseOCX 4 points 2 years ago

There's a video on YouTube where otters were housed with monkeys, the monkeys trolled the shit out of the otters for the Lulz... Eventually the otters all sort of snapped, together, grabbed one and absolutely mauled the shit out of it.

[–] Mostly_Gristle 10 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Of all the things to get attacked by in Montana. Not a bear, not a mountain lion, or a wolf, or a moose. Nope, a fucking otter is the thing that gets you. Jesus.

[–] MarigoldPuppyFlavors 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I would much rather it be an otter than any of those you mentioned, though.

[–] FuglyDuck 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)

it's funny how they left the most dangerous bastards off the list: humans.

[–] afraid_of_zombies 2 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Ok plan B.

Let's get honey badgers and breed them for intelligence and pack tactics.

[–] FuglyDuck 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I'm not sure you'd need more than three... but also... do you really want to unleash that on the world? Honey Badgers are vicious.

[–] afraid_of_zombies 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)

You must admit it would make life more interesting.

[–] FuglyDuck 0 points 2 years ago

Yes, I would have to admit that. Especially if they were trained to go after covfefe and hamberders.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 years ago

That otter make her think twice.

[–] Supervisor194 9 points 2 years ago (1 children)

By the grace of god you made it out of the river? By the grace of god? You dumb shitheel an otter bit your fuckin' ear off. If anything your stupid ass got smote.

[–] Aliendelarge 3 points 2 years ago

But she mostly made it out. Coincidentally the otter could be heard uttering, "Science damn you time child!"

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 years ago

Alright, Florida Man, you're up.

Call, Raise, or Fold?

[–] jasonwaterfalls 7 points 2 years ago

Otters are mean

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 years ago
[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago

"... And in otter news!"

[–] nl4real 4 points 2 years ago

That Otter leave a mark!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago

Someone go tell Asst. Mayor Bellweather that she was right! The otters have gone savage!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago

It ... it bit part of her ear off!!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago

Now we all know that otters fuck and specifically with YOU.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago

That otter leave a mark!