this post was submitted on 03 Mar 2025
631 points (97.2% liked)

Not The Onion

13822 readers
1730 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
(page 2) 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 12 points 11 hours ago

This some alternate timeline bs, but also a great metaphor for what's going on in the US.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 14 hours ago (2 children)

When he's done, that bill will be as worthless as he is.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 141 points 19 hours ago (2 children)

President Trump could be enjoying his golden years golfing and spending time with his family," Gill told Fox News Digital. "Instead, he took a bullet for this country and is now working overtime...

  1. Wasn't he golfing yesterday?
  2. We all know he hates his family and is happy to avoid them.
  3. "Took a bullet" is akin to me saying I was stabbed in the face by a deranged idiot when I cut myself shaving.
  4. Working overtime at what exactly? Are his tiny chode fingers getting tired from signing a few bits of paper?
[–] [email protected] 22 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

Didn't the bullet go through his ear and kill a firefighter?

[–] Redditsux 51 points 18 hours ago (8 children)

Bullet never touched him. The blood was splatter. He wore a bandage for 2 days for show. When it came off there was not a scratch.

[–] [email protected] 40 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

I work at a hospital and have worked with hundreds of patients around his age. When you're that old, your skin is like paper thin and tears extremely easy. I've slid patients from one bed to another and tore skin. Donald Trump was tackled by secret service. Maybe it was his blood but I highly doubt he took a bullet or any shrapnel from glass or anything else.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 15 hours ago

Yeah... I'm willing to buy that he had immediate, top grade treatment, I'm willing to accept that the bullet barely grazed him and it bled a lot

But I'm not willing to believe he healed that fast or that perfectly. There's no notch from any angle, no scab, nothing - just a few days later there was no sign of it. And he was milking it for all he had... And yet, aside from that blood on the scene, all we ever saw was comically oversized bandages, then normal ones during more serious meetings, then nothing

load more comments (7 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 230 points 20 hours ago (8 children)

A great idea. Then, when you have to spend four donalds for a carton of eggs you'll remember why voting for con-men is a bad idea.

load more comments (8 replies)
[–] [email protected] 28 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

good way to cause a run on $50 bills when everyone refuses to accept a $100

[–] Fredselfish 14 points 15 hours ago

Don't you have to be dead to be on currency? If so he can be on any bill he wants long as he is dead.

[–] Sterile_Technique 172 points 20 hours ago (17 children)

Just so everyone's aware, it's super duper illegal to deface currency.

So like, it would be against the law to use a sharpie to add a Hitler mustache to Trump's face on said dollar bill; or add an arm extended in a Nazi salute; or add swastikas over 'god' where it says "In god we trust"; to then bring it to a bank and report that you received defaced currency and would like to exchange it for new bills, only to do it all again.

So... y'know, probably don't do those things.

[–] Alwaysnownevernotme 33 points 17 hours ago

It's also illegal for a living person to be featured in our currency.

"ThE rUlEs SaY a DoG cAnT pLaY bAsKeTbAlL!1!!"

18th consecutive golden retriever dunk

[–] WhiteRabbit_33 53 points 19 hours ago (2 children)

It's more a legally gray area in the US that as far as I can find from a quick search has never been settled in court. It likely isn't worth the time for police to go after either even if it was more explicitly illegal.

That might change if there's a sudden surge in people drawing on $100 bills, but who uses $100s that often anyway? Most ATMs I used only dispense $20s. It often isn't worth the trip to the bank, and the US is unfortunately mostly cashless now.

But to be clear: fuck this fascist bullshit and resist in whatever ways you can

https://www.stampstampede.org/faq/yes-its-legal/

[–] [email protected] 18 points 17 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago) (3 children)

There's an argument we shouldn't even be issuing $100 bills in the first place. Counterfeiters have to spend money to copy money. A $1 or $5 bill isn't worth the cost. A $50 is getting there, but if you put extra anti-counterfeiting measures around it, then it's pushed out of reach again.

Once you reach a $100 bill, though, it's hard to have enough anti-counterfeiting measures while also being cheap enough to produce by the actual US Mint. Drop it entirely, and the problem goes away.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

There was a very good reason for it back when physical money was more necessary. Now, there's essentially no purpose except crime. Almost all purchases are payed cashless. If you really want to use cash, almost no transactions are prohibitive just using $20s or $50s. Maybe buying a car or house would be tough, and I'm sure someone does that with cash, but that'd just be the cost of choosing to use cash.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (15 replies)
[–] [email protected] 84 points 18 hours ago (4 children)

So....America....you guys really are about a step-and-a-half away from this?

Get your shit together. Christ.

[–] [email protected] 33 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

There's already proposals to put his face on Mt Rushmore, so yes.

[–] Duamerthrax 11 points 15 hours ago

If they do, the mountain would collapse. They should go for it.

[–] Lost_My_Mind 7 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

I don't know what this image is, but I'm pretty sure later in life he's going to assemble the power rangers.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 14 hours ago

It was Benito Mussolini's headquarters in Rome during WW2

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] RaoulDook 37 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

Well if they do that, I'll draw at least 2 dicks pointed towards his mouth on each one that I handle

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 12 points 14 hours ago (3 children)

How much will that cost the taxpayers?

[–] modeler 7 points 13 hours ago

Their pride.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 64 points 20 hours ago

Man, these bootlickers are so pathetic. The lengths they go to to kiss his ass would be cringe even if it was towards an actual great person. The fact that it's directed at this hateful, disgusting man is the saddest thing...

[–] RizzRustbolt 26 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

Not putting him on the $100,000 bill is slap in the face.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 15 hours ago

the way trumpflation is going it'll be worth $100 anyway

[–] mvirts 3 points 11 hours ago

Time to invest in orange ink

[–] [email protected] 46 points 20 hours ago

Just in case people didn't know they were heading into a personality cult dictatorship already.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 13 hours ago

I've never wiped my ass with a hundred before but in this case I'm willing to try it.

[–] [email protected] 43 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

What a massive waste of taxpayer money.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] uebquauntbez 46 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

Doesn't DJT has to die soon for that?

[–] makyo 25 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

In the tradition of USA currency being only for dead presidents - I will gladly allow Trump's face on any bill if he's the one to pull the trigger

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 35 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

lol .... by the time they do pass regulations and laws to do all this .... 1 Trump will be worth nothing

It will be like the German Reichsmark and they'll be printing out so much of it, that these paper bills will be more valuable as a fuel source to cook your food than in actually purchasing anything of value.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 10 points 16 hours ago (4 children)

As a Brit, for whom the colloquial for pennies is "pence" like "ten pence" is 10p, I feel he's missing a trick not putting his fat leather apron of a face on the nickel or dime. Because then you could have "Trump pence". You could call it a Trumpence

[–] [email protected] 15 points 15 hours ago

That is pretty clever. Except it would already be dated since Trump attempted to get Pence lynched by an angry mob a few years back

[–] Sterile_Technique 1 points 8 hours ago

I recall a Brit (I think?) giving a rundown on European slang, and it was something akin to pence meaning "fart", so all the stickers that said "Trump Pence" looked to them like stickers that boldly proclaimed "Fart Trumpet!" ...which is kinda just synonymous anyway, but it lined up nicely!

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments
view more: ‹ prev next ›