This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.
Be warned:
If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.
When I was like 10 I remember reading advice in a body building magazine that has stuck with me ever since:
"Don't try to pick up girls, literally or figuratively, at the gym. Women don't feel sexy when they're sweating unless they're already naked."
ask them to undress before starting the workout.
got it.
In high school I had a crush on this girl who had something on her Facebook about really liking gummy worms. I read that, thought "this is my in" so I bought a bag of gummy worms. Honestly, not a bad plan. Next time I saw her, I pulled out my bag of gummy worms and ate a couple.
Did I offer her a gummy worm? No. I was under the impression that she'd see me eating them and say "hey, you like gummy worms too?" And then we'd start chatting and [something] and then we'd start going out.
And theeeeennnn...?
He developed a gummy worm addiction and became morbidly obese, leaving the work force and receiving a disability pension.
Nature is fine with failure, it is expected.
Yes acting hurt or injured in any way will not help you in landing a girl. They are looking at you and wondering how you can benefit their life not how they can benefit yours. Next time just go up and say hi, if she likes you she will be eager to speak with you if your conversation feels like pulling teeth then she doesn't and just move on.
well I mean if she left even without notifying staff or anyone that is a pretty clear red flag but then again so is spurting fake blood to get attention. so maybe they would have made a nice match.
I imagine anon just staring down this woman as they puke up blood.
They both dodged bullets.
I never tried to impress women at the gym when I was single. I go to the gym to focus on self improvement. I do not like talking to other people when I’m there. I do not like looking at other people when I’m there. I also know that women at the gym mostly loathe men trying to pick them up there. So basically if you’re at the gym you’re a dude to me. And if you’re a dude don’t talk to me.
Confirmation that the term dude means men as well as women
I’ve always used dude as a gender neutral term. I call my wife dude.
I only fuck dudes
Same hahahaha
You only fuck Cruxifux's wife?
Me too.
At least someone does
Hell yeah dude
You're already messaging them. Why must you need to message them on Snapchat?
To send nudes
Wow, it took until their second sentence before they demonstrated how completely unhinged they are.
The correct assumption when you see frank red blood on exertion is either lung injury/infection/cancer or terminal alcoholism. It's usually the later.
Leaving Las Vegas.
Latter*
Also, don't forget the ever fun Mallory-Weiss tears if your sudden exertion involves something like jumping, or, since it's also associated with heavy alcoholism, after a long and good barfing session.
real and straight
I was out with my friends once in my early twenties, drunk at the limit between "flying high on wings of booze" and "incoherent mass of sick and confusion."
There was this girl who kept catching my eye every time I saw her out and about, and this time she happened to be at the same dive as us. I finally decided to try talking to her, so I kinda' awkwardly accosted her at the bar and I think I started pulling my "over-the-top intellectual" bit for a laugh.
Somehow, it worked! We kept chatting (she was buzzed but significantly more sober than I was), we kept laughing, then she asked me to accompany her on an ATM trip after a while. Now, I'd completely lost my capacity for reading between the lines at this point, so I just took it as a generic action. About midway through the trip, she started pulling in very close to me, my current guess being that she had intended to try smooching. My drunk brain thought "oh, she must be feeling the drag, we need to keep her blood pumping." So I called a race, last one to the ATM is a rotten egg.
Again, surprisingly, she was into it! I could hear her giggling as I was pulling away. I was running like a madman, I could feel my legs moving by themselves. I was a beast, a high-performance machine, a force of nature! Almost started congratulating myself for being such an irresistible hunk, when suddenly I could feel the curb grabbing my left foot. I plunged forward, but luckily my stage fighting reflexes kicked in and I completely unexpectedly started doing landing rolls. I literally rolled the rest of the way to the ATM - about 4-5 meters, not kidding, I'd picked up some serious speed while galloping like a horse on coke. She won and was laughing her ass off, the alcohol inside me had been angered and my brain was oatmeal.
I don't remember many details after that. What I will say, though, is that it worked! Also, that I never again tried wooing or racing anyone while drunk.
So the curb (being a metaphor for mankind) caught your leg (a metaphor for the undertaker), and plunged you towards an ATM (colloquially referred to as "an announcers table" in some circles). A bit cryptic but I got it.
I was waiting for this to be a setup and you get mugged to withdraw from your ATM. Glad it turned out better lol.
Well how'd it work out after that
Woke up at hers with a splitting headache and profound nausea (nothing happened, because obviously nothing would happen, I was as close to Wasted as possible), after that things didn't really go anywhere. Nothing dramatic, she was lovely, we just didn't match.
That reminds me April Fools Day is approaching. When I was young I worked in a haunted house where we made blood capsules using Karo syrup, red food dye and put it into empty capsules. I deal with two guys at work that like to get stupid stoned at lunch time
Putting on big muscles is for the boys, real girls don't actually like it.
Can confirm. I've gotten exactly one comment from a woman about my physique a couple years ago. I get comments from dudes fairly often. I do still think about what the woman said to me like all the time though.