ADHD

I try not to be an asshole.

The problem is I am direct and do not sugar coat things. I treat others how I would like to be treated which can be seen as rude. I make an effort to not be that way but it ends up the same.

You do not have to be friends with anyone! :D

To an extent ya. You need to take responsibility for yourself. But also if I interrupt someone constantly that's not bc I want to

It's exactly why I do not present any of the mental psychological isms my therapist gave me to other people. I've seen loads of folks who pretty much brag about these things—using them as excuses to be shitty or negligent people with no attempt at learning or practicing social skills. I run like the wind anytime I hear someone brag or lament (usually just a backdoor brag) that they are "empathic" or "highly sensitive." I'm very cautious around people who bring up their "ADHD," "anxiety disorder" or "autism"—especially if they do it regularly, publicly (on social media), or very early upon meeting them. And don't get me started about personality disorders. I know people who are legitimately trying their best with all these things, but the genuinely responsible and aware folks seem to rarely wear those as kind of strange badges of identity.

Yeah I've got plenty of issues but I manage to not be a dick, kinda feels like those are separate categories as far as the whole mental space goes.

If I had a nickel for every time someone says "this person's being a huge jerk to me but I think they might be neurodivergent"

Then I would have zero cents

Yeah I have two childhood friends that are brothers. Their other brother is very autistic. When we were kids a lot of people didn't understand autism enough to get that while yes, his autism did affect the way in which he was a tremendous asshole, it didn't cause it. He happened to have a shit personality and disability level autism

The thing about the neuros is most of the time they don't know they're being assholes. The actual assholes do, and don't care. If you explain to a neuro they are being asshole they will almost always try to change

A business is not obligated to tear out every stairway to make a ramp because some of its users require a wheel chair. In the same vein, not every social interaction where a person who is neurodivergent (diagnosed or not) hurts the feelings of another person is necessarily them being an asshole. Another commenter said something about how intent matters. They're right. It does.

However it matters for both parties. It's situational and it's important to remember that a lot of social interactions involve misunderstandings because there is a lack of communication from both sides and a set of different expectations on both sides.

I don't necessarily think it's fair to view every social interaction through the light of who is the injured party. We don't do that to people with physical conditions. You wouldn't accuse a person in a wheel chair of being an asshole for having an expectation of accessibility. But that's because society as a whole has come to an understanding (by force) that accessibility for these physical conditions is important.

I don't think society has come to that realization about ND people, nor do I think that the average person looks at ND behaviors and adapts to them in a meaningful way.

So when people have an expectation based on Neurotypical behavior and a ND person doesn't meet that expectation, do they recalibrate at all to temper the expectations?

One of the commenters here gave an example about working with a ND person and the response the rest of their co-workers had to another person calling them out for it in a fit of anger. The thing is, it should not have gotten to that point. And it's not just because others should have been setting good boundaries in a healthy way about that behavior. It's also because they should have been tempering their expectations and not overcompensating for that ND person in an unhealthy way.

Part of the problems we're seeing between NT's and ND's have a lot to do with communication and an inability to compromise or at the very least try to find resolution in healthy ways.

Everyone is an amateur psychologist now

It's so hard to tell sometimes. Thinking of a bipolar chap I knew back when. Decent hang most of the time, but really thoughtless and possessive at other times.

I still think he was mostly a jerk. Mostly.

Preach

One more post for this thread and then protecting my energy. Topic of great passion, interest and survival for me.

You are not an asshole for protecting your energy from abusive behavior.

The following must not be confused with abusive/asshole behavior:

https://purrfurnax.tumblr.com/post/750391775364104192

Social Ostracization and Bannishment should be a last resort only.

We can do better with communal moderation and conflict resolution.

I reccomend the youtube channel AnRel to address some of the greater nuances

Also, this playlist is something i return to every so often: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLaOxDnLZqNcmxxkuxTVxYnhrYEOeoTRjP

Being an asshole is occasionally a symptom of me not being consistent enough with my anxiety meds though unfortunately. But I'm generally really apologetic afterwards when I realize and it doesn't happen often and only for a few days typically.

Jokes on you I don't have to be friends with anyone

Also You will always be a bad person in someone’s eyes, it’s unavoidable. Trick is to make this number small enough to still be accepted in social groups so you can attain the holy triad of Family, House, Health.

In other words - Get rid of witnesses