this post was submitted on 17 Nov 2024
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me irl

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submitted 1 month ago by [email protected] to c/meirl
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[–] ekZepp 91 points 1 month ago
[–] Anticorp 83 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (3 children)

I've endured the male equivalent of this my whole life.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Why?"

"You look angry."

"This is just my face!"

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago (1 children)

That's not really a male thing, nor is your example an equivalent. All sexes can get the angry face comment because people misinterpret others expressions wrong all the time. Not everyone is lucky enough to have resting beauty face. Heck just yesterday I was literally told by a nationally renowned dentist that my "small polite smile" would in fact labelled a grimace.. oof.

There is usually a sexual connotation in being told to smile (to look prettier to the viewers), while being asked if something is wrong generally doesn't have the same sexual undertones/motivations. The equivalent to the post would literally be a woman getting catcalled/told to smile and them thinking about escape routes. The difference in the gender swap is when the guy hears the smile comment they move on thinking about smiling (as shown by your comment), while the lady hears the smile comment and wonders if she's in an unsafe situation that could possibly end their life.

Don't get me wrong, both situations are awkward and uncomfortable to be in/navigate. Both put the onus the person hearing it to engage their defenses as to dispell/appease the accusations. And while both deal with fear, it really is just the power dynamics and inherent sexual nature that makes for entirely different interactions/outcomes.

(I say woman/man but the scenario still stands when women= any person smaller or weaker and man= any person with an inherent power/advantage over another. So if a big guy did the same to a weaker guy, the scene plays out the same as a powerful lady and the frail lady, or a strong lady and smaller guy.)

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago (6 children)

Here we go, someone mentions how an issue affects men and it's instantly shut down with "well women have it worse".

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[–] Wizard_Pope 11 points 1 month ago

Ahhh my gf keeps asking me if I'm fine. I guess I just have a resting sad face or something.

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[–] [email protected] 71 points 1 month ago (6 children)

It was pretty funny when women thought "how would you feel if" would work in this case. They clearly didn't know how starved of positive attention men are.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Yeah, no one has ever told me that I had a beautiful smile and that I should smile more... I never get compliments and very rarely get any appreciation. I helped a friend of a friend fix electrical issues saving him thousands that he didn't have? Just a generic "thanks." The guy offered to feed me because his wife was getting chinese but his wife didn't get me any and they just ate their food while I worked.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 month ago

Where I live 12 beers or a bottle of vodka is the standard payment

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[–] paddirn 71 points 1 month ago (3 children)

A lady told me I have nice eyes once. That was 20+ years ago and I’ve never forgotten that shit.

[–] TrousersMcPants 18 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I had the same thing happen while I was working as a cashier. Turns out she was actually scamming me, they used footage of it happening to train new people.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago
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[–] [email protected] 50 points 1 month ago (3 children)

It's about it happening to you once every 10 years or once an hour.

[–] [email protected] 74 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

Once an hour sounds awesome but I suppose a person dying of thirst would think that a person drowning was having a great time.

I have never had a woman hit on me, but a gay man did once and the memory of that warms my heart. (I'm not gay.)

[–] danekrae 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)

But does your now husband know?

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[–] Iheartcheese 11 points 1 month ago

This post is discussing flirts per hour

[–] AA5B 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Getting complimented once every ten years sounds awesome. It’s hard to even imagine once an hour

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[–] Shardikprime 36 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Imagine getting a compliment as a man lmao 🤣, shit be wild yo

[–] Isthisreddit 22 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Men die of thirst in a desert, women die of thirst in an ocean

[–] ThePyroPython 13 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

This here ^ is the full context.

Before doing bar-back work getting a hit on by a woman who I didn't find attractive was still a nice confidence boost because it only happened rarely.

But doing bar-back work clearing away glasses from tables and wiping them down I got hit on so much by drunken women in bachelorette party after bachelorette party that it became really uncomfortable. Then came the inappropriate touching. That was not fun.

Before that job I had heard what women experience on a night out and had only seen it from a 3rd person perspective. But after that job I understand better what women are having to put up with regularly.

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[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 month ago (2 children)

A gay guy once told me my glasses were cute.

Im married to a woman. But in that moment, I considered my new life as his man wife.

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[–] lukstru 28 points 1 month ago
[–] Thcdenton 27 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I'd just look around to see who else is in on the joke

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[–] angrystego 27 points 1 month ago (3 children)

You look cute! - nice

You should smile more. - wtf

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[–] masquenox 22 points 1 month ago (1 children)

A woman once told me that. Oh boy, did that stick with me for a long time.

A girl also told me I have nice eyes during high school. That was literally one of the bitterly few highlights of high school for me.

[–] redisdead 15 points 1 month ago

I wore a colorful shirt at school and a random girl told me she liked it. I wore colorful shirts every day at school for 2 whole years.

[–] LANIK2000 21 points 1 month ago

The disconnect between women and men is sad. Women say soo many things with the best of intentions, that just end up cutting way too deep and vice versa.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Pretty sure would smile a lot more if they received more positive attention ngl.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Someone told me I had an ugly smile once and I am still insecure about my smile to this day. If people told me I had a beautiful smile and that I should smile more, I think that would be amazing. I would be surprised, but really happy.

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 month ago

That's the experience for some neurodivergent or somehow naïve women the first time. I was one of them (I thought older men were being kind with my teenage self). Then you start getting the same comment again and again: it often feels insincere. You start suspecting and learning about all the ways [mostly] men can be manipulating or even dangerous in the streets. It starts becoming bittersweet; you learn to ignore it just in case it's the people with bad intentions. You know that, if someone really wants to tell you that you're pretty or something, they will make an effort to make you feel safer too. And then, you are in your twenties and those men don't talk to you nearly as often, and it's a relief. As a heterosexual/bisexual woman, you hope that the rest of men can see you as more than a pretty body: a human with dreams, hobbies sense of humor, intelligence, whatever. Sometimes it's scary to know that many men don't, but many others do, so... yeah, my leftism hopes it gets better, as with many other social issues.

That's my experience.

[–] ThatWeirdGuy1001 16 points 1 month ago (2 children)

No it's just as infuriating and it's always been one of the complaints women bring up that I always remind them is not just a women problem.

Rbf can seriously negatively impact your life. Especially if you're already physically imposing.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I searched what's rbf and lmao at the result

Imagine being used as the example photo for resting bitch face

[–] ThatWeirdGuy1001 9 points 1 month ago

Mines even worse than that. To quote an old coworker "He looks like he's about to stab everyone in the room all the time"

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

?? I think I misunderstood your comment, did you said that its not cool to be cat called as a man?

[–] ThatWeirdGuy1001 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I'm specifically referring to the phrase "you should smile more" not cat calling in general.

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Old ladies at my first job would tell this to Male interns all the time.

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (4 children)

women don't do that, because they subconsciously know like 80% of men (including me) would see that as an opportunity for a pickup line, like "I would, if you went out with me" or "a hug/kiss would cheer me up" or some other borderline creepy stuff.

[–] Atlas_ 11 points 1 month ago (1 children)

It's not exactly a pickup line but it is expressing interest. And that's how a lot of men use the line.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Telling someone they should "smile more" isn't expressing interest. It's a very weird demand. If you'd like to express interest in someone please consider a different approach.

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[–] Bonje 7 points 1 month ago

I still remember the compliment i got about my eyebrows back in high school. I got super flustered and ran out of the class. I have a love/cringe relationship with that moment.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

I think having anyone tell you to smile more in any situation that isn't a posed photo is creepy because it's invalidating your emotional state, or telling you to stop feeling your feelings and replace them with how the other person wants you to feel... the most fucked-up instance of this that's happened to me was when a female therapist suggested "smiling more" as a prescription for depression.

All that aside, I have actually been catcalled on the street by women, and since it doesn't happen to me all the time I just found it funny. I have also been complimented in the office on my appearance by a female supervisor and it felt creepy, but had much worse sexual harassment from a male boss who apparently wasn't even gay, just doing it to mess with me.

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