If your local library isn't too far, you could go there. Most public library's have events or clubs they host, ours has it all on a corkboard near the door so people can see what's coming up. If you pick one, you know what the other people in it are interested in (for the hours they're at the club or event anyway) and you can use that as a starting point. If one club or event doesn't work for you, try a different one next time, you'll most likely meet a whole new bunch of people with a different topic of interest.
this post was submitted on 23 Aug 2024
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Organized hobbies have been the key for me. Gives me a place to go, forces me to be minimally social, but can allow for multiple events so the pressure is reduced to make the most of every outing. Plus you have something else you’re enjoying. Everyone’s recommendations of sports or gaming falls right in line with this. But I have other hobbies I love like woodworking that I can find places to take classes and meet people. The other benefit is the more you do it the more you get used to be out among people again and it can be less awkward/anxiety inducing.
Social events like bars and raves are an option. You'll find people who just want to get shit faced, but also social people. Volunteer work has a lot of people you can interact with and eventually become friends with. Game places are another option as mentioned. Video games as well. If you have a dog, parks are a way to start conversations and meet people.
It tends to be pretty random. I'd say just maximize opportunity by doing more things that involve other people. In my experience I'd say about 95% of my attempts to meet people, whether that be for friends or dating, go nowhere. Then of the remaining 5%, only 10% of that lasts longer than a year. So 99.5% of your efforts will be unrewarded or only slightly rewarded.
So what can you do that involves other people? Meetups, volunteer, find an activity like climbing or trivia or whatever. It depends on your area. Since you're in a rural area there won't be much but take what you can get. Of course there's a wide variety of rural areas, but there's usually some activity prevalent in the area. Golf? Hiking? Hunting? Find wherever those people hang out and go hang out there.
Co-ed sports league - even something non-athletic like kickball, esports, or board games.
I work from home, made a discord for other people that work from home, posted it on reddit in the town I live in, and ended up making friends that way.
Unfortunately, you have to go out of your way to make friends the older you get. But I don't think it's an insurmountable obstacle. Just gotta find people who share common interests.
Join a "fun league" sports team, take a community arts course, go to church, work for a volunteer organization, just to name a few ideas.
I stole one of my brothers friends.
Most of the friends I've made after age 22 were people I worked with or people I met through dating apps. We'd go out and decide we didn't want to date, but we liked each other enough to form friendships. The friend who I'm hanging out with next week is a former coworker. The one I'm slated to hang with after that is also a former coworker. But only two of the jobs yielded good friendships. Other places that I worked I might go to lunch with certain people, but nothing lasting came of it because I had a long commute to work and they lived in that area.
Others already suggested meetup and I know a friend had success with that. Or join hiking groups or amateur sport groups maybe like disk golf? Good luck!
I went through the same thing after a 22 year marriage. Disc golf got me out doing something and I have met an awesome group of friends. So find a hobby and go from there.
That's the neat part.
Nextdoor.com is mostly a shitshow. But I've had good luck asking the locals for recommendations on local businesses and community activities and events.
Aside from some of the other things people have already mentioned, going to or volunteering for various festivals and conventions can be a great way to meet random people and get out of the house. If you're volunteering you're more likely to end up meeting more local-ish people (like from whatever nearest Metro area the event is occurring in since you said you're super rural).
Even if you don't meet any cool new friends you want to stay in touch with, they can be a ton of fun and are a great reason to get out of the house. I've ended up having some really amazing experiences that I absolutely never thought possible just because I got out and went to Conventions (mostly anime or game conventions for me, but there are all kinds).
I've had a lot of luck joining a run club, but there are other activity based clubs. The trick to these though is that you need to keep going to them for a while before you really start becoming friends with people.
What's really worked for me was working as a snowboard instructor on the weekend. I'm not saying do that specifically, but finding a second job based around teaching is an amazing way to meet other people who like meeting new people and being nice and sharing their skills and experiences. I should specify, the people I meet are other instructors. I've also met some people at events, like when I got my avalanche rec 1 cert.
So first of all let me tell you that it does indeed depend on where you live. So it would have been very useful information if you had stated where you live. Since you didn't state it, I assume it's in the US, since for some reason, people in the US never seem to see the need to state that they live in the US (not all of us do).
Secondly, I really am sorry for your situation. There's a lot of wrong things with society. One of those things is that it's difficult to meet new people. Another, in my opinion, just as bad thing, is that one has to drive. Basically, people didn't drive before 1800. Driving is the exception in history. I don't see how or why people think these days that it's completely normal to drive, or to have to drive. This has nothing to do with your post, but it's still something that I'm thinking about. Sorry for the random side-rant.
Thirdly, I have found that it's often best to search for like-minded people, and just randomly go to them, say to them "hey, can I sit with you", wait a few seconds, and if they agree, sit down and just say "hi" and "i'm [insert name] and i'm from [insert location] and i'm looking for [insert any random hobby or activity you like]". most people react by either agreeing or declining, and such is life.
Here are a few suggestions:
Volunteer at a soup kitchen or a food pantry
Sign up for a church email newsletter and go there when they are doing pot-luck meals (bring a dish to pass)
If you are into sports, sign up to volunteer as a coach.
Don't buy all of your groceries all at one time. Buy a few things each time and go more often. Even if you don't meet or talk to anyone but the workers, you will be around other people.
Me too! I live across the world but I feel this is more and more of a problem in a world that people only want to stay online.
I thought about creating some game group for 40yos in some simple game that allow everyone to chat.... but I didn't knew anyone to begin it🤣
Real ways I made friends as a transplant in a new place:
- Non-staff people related to my workplace
- Nearby events that people related to my workplace knew about
- Meetup.com
- Church events (depending on the activity or group, they're happy to have you even if you don't believe what they believe or literally never went to their church a single time—in my case, because I can't due to being a weekend worker)—ironically, I met and befriended a nonbeliever who was also a guest at such an event, so never say "never"
- Friends of friends (new friends who they become with, and then introduce me to)
- Reddit and other communities (finally had a redditor over at my place from states away recently for the first time, which was interesting and fun)
I would probably add Facebook events and maybe a calendar of local events, such as activities at nearby libraries.
I wonder if you're able to scrounge up enough savings to move to a less-desolate area. Do you WFH?
I relate very much to your disconnectedness. It took me some time to realize that I was known to her circles as my "ex-wife's husband," not really as an independent being, so when we split, they stopped talking to me (well, us both, because she cheated and was adamantly unapologetic about it).
If you wanna try out titles on Board Game Arena, I have a premium-subscription friend in another state who would be happy to have you join us for games online from time to time!
As for IRL cost-saving events, I have friends over, or go to them, for a home-cooked dinner/potluck and a movie. There are streaming-service free trials and DVD/online movie services from libraries (such as Hoopla Digital and Kanopy) which should be able to help you avoid paying a cent. Hiking and board games are also cheap or free.
I used to live in a place like where you do now. There's a chance you'll run into someone cool, but it's very low. I had to move to the city to form an actual friend group
Pick up an outdoor sport as a hobby and you’ll run into cool people. I like mountain biking because I’ve met a bunch of cool people that way.
Finding local groups dedicated to a hobby is great. I play a lot of Riichi Mahjong online, but it took me an embarassingly long time to realize "Hey I should see if there's a local club around here to play offline." There is, and now I have an excuse to leave the house for weekly meetups, and I've met some great friends here.
I also play fighting games, but I've mostly played more niche titles that never had an active local scene where I live, so I was limited to occasionally traveling out to play 1-2 tournaments a year. This year I finally picked up a game that is active around here, so I'm finally going to FGC locals again.
Join a Discord server for your city if it has one. Make casual conversation with the people there, attend/plan meetups, and suddenly you have real-life friends.
I met most of my closest friends through my school’s Discord server while I was in college.
(It doesn’t have to be Discord, it can be a Facebook/Reddit/etc. community too. Discord is just the most common option for younger people.)
Gym, especially things with group classes are great because even if the meeting other people part doesnt work you still get something out of it.
Friendships are formed via proximity and common interests. Go places with other people who enjoy the same hobbies and make an effort to get to know some of them.
Hell is other people.
Why would I want to meet new people?
Look up local mutual aid groups 🤘
Dude just whip it out. Let it flap in the breeze.