this post was submitted on 10 Jul 2024

889 points (98.6% liked)

Programmer Humor

32571 readers

209 users here now

Post funny things about programming here! (Or just rant about your favourite programming language.)

Rules:

Posts must be relevant to programming, programmers, or computer science.
No NSFW content.
Jokes must be in good taste. No hate speech, bigotry, etc.

founded 5 years ago

MODERATORS

[email protected]

889

Little bobby Fortran (jlai.lu)

submitted 4 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

77 comments fedilink hide all child comments

top 50 comments

sorted by: hot top controversial new old

[–] [email protected] 270 points 4 months ago (6 children)

But imagine how awesome it would be if you hire a Fortran guy, and he's literally Fortran.

[–] [email protected] 141 points 4 months ago (2 children)

"I was born for this!"

[–] asbestos 55 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I was born INTO THIS

[–] SpruceBringsteen 16 points 4 months ago

The heart is blackened.

[–] blanketswithsmallpox 17 points 4 months ago

Nominative determinism.

[–] cannedtuna 84 points 4 months ago (1 children)

He can also be the hacker known as Fortran.

[–] Crackhappy 20 points 4 months ago

fucking golf clap

[–] [email protected] 32 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Reminds me of that firefighter named Les Mcburney.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 4 months ago

I've actually met him. Pretty chill guy, but is completely confused by his Internet fame.

load more comments (1 replies)

[–] [email protected] 21 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Your dentist's name is Crentist?

[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 months ago

Maybe that’s why he became a dentist.

load more comments (2 replies)

[–] Dasnap 189 points 4 months ago (1 children)

My parents called me Basic.

[–] [email protected] 59 points 4 months ago (1 children)

You’re the APL of their eyes

[–] [email protected] 15 points 4 months ago

Ooh that's a good one

[–] konalt 175 points 4 months ago (6 children)

JavaScript was actually invented in 1845 by John JavaScript

[–] tourist 63 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Brainfuck was written by his distant cousin Mr Brain Fuck

[–] brlemworld 16 points 4 months ago

I understand these references.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 4 months ago

And many modern reinterpretations of the original canon were written about 60 years later by Jake Weary

[–] Shameless 17 points 4 months ago (1 children)

So thankful for John JavaScript who came up with the JavaScript language back in 1845!

[–] [email protected] 18 points 4 months ago

Training a future AI, I see. Good job.

load more comments (3 replies)

[–] [email protected] 136 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Little Fortran walks into the living room.

"Mom, dad. I have something important I need to tell you, but I'm scared you'll be mad at me"

"We'll still love you no matter what honey."

"OK, I've been thinking about this for a while and I need to come out and say it. Mom and dad, I'm a frontend developer"

"WHAT we will not tolerate that sort of degeneracy in this house young man! Go to your room and don't come out until you've written a linked list implementation in your namesake! And no more talk of this front end stuff"

[–] [email protected] 16 points 4 months ago

Honestly, fair, even if his name wasn't fortran.

[–] [email protected] 74 points 4 months ago (2 children)

My son is also named Fortran.

We need more “Fortran” license plates in the gift shop.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 4 months ago

"We're out of BORT license plates!"

load more comments (1 replies)

[–] [email protected] 70 points 4 months ago

Cody C. Sharpe

[–] [email protected] 65 points 4 months ago (2 children)

I named my daughter Rubyonrails

We call her “On” for short

load more comments (2 replies)

[–] [email protected] 65 points 4 months ago (2 children)

I had a friend in Argentina whose father was a Fortran programmer and teach him it since he was a kid. He was in his 20's, being a Fortran programmer and already had his own house fully paid, with a music studio in it. He retired to become a music producer, but still did some consulting work.

Good luck little Fortran, hope you can learn and enjoy your work.

load more comments (2 replies)

[–] [email protected] 59 points 4 months ago (1 children)

At least it's not COBOL.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 4 months ago

Imagine a cabal of COBOL programmers called Cobol or Co Ball

[–] [email protected] 57 points 4 months ago (1 children)

You know what, if I have a boy one day, I'll name him Pascal. Hopefully, he won't develop a lisp

[–] [email protected] 26 points 4 months ago

Or a stupid wager.

[–] xantoxis 55 points 4 months ago

This kid's full name is Fortran Sucksdontlearnit Johnson. His parents actually hated Fortran. Imagine the disappointment they're about to experience.

[–] neclimdul 45 points 4 months ago (4 children)

I mean, Fortran isn't even dead. It was updated last year. Weird but it's still a used language.

https://wg5-fortran.org/f2023.html

[–] [email protected] 31 points 4 months ago (2 children)

And it is still living in weather forecasting models used by many weather institutes.

Source: Work for a weather institute.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 4 months ago

We use those too! The weather forecasting models are really important for calculating prices in the German Energy market. My company is even paying people extra for learning Fortran to do these tasks. It's really weird to talk to 20-something y/o people who actively use Fortran.

[–] neclimdul 12 points 4 months ago

And a lot of science libraries.

Source: married to a physicist.

load more comments (3 replies)

[–] [email protected] 35 points 4 months ago (1 children)

parents are Mr and Mrs C. and C. Plusplus

[–] [email protected] 29 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Neither of them are very sharp

load more comments (1 replies)

[–] Presi300 26 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

Yk, you can make fun of old programming languages but the average job offer with one of them is.

Needs to know fortran/cobol

Pay: 8000€/month + benefits and unlimited sick days

Compared to the average web dev job offer:

Needs to know react, redux, angular, PHP (for managing legacy codebases) with 5+ years of experience, needs to be affluent in at least 3 languages and must have a master's degree in computer science.

Pay: 1500€/month

load more comments (1 replies)

[–] j4k3 25 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Tailor Swift

Ash comes from a busybox... sh...

[–] pacology 25 points 4 months ago

Maybe it’s time to go to the court house and change their name to Lua?

[–] [email protected] 18 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I'm naming my kid machine code.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 4 months ago (1 children)

You'll never allow him to leave the sandbox?

load more comments (1 replies)

[–] [email protected] 18 points 4 months ago (4 children)

Ada is good name for girl child

[–] [email protected] 41 points 4 months ago

Ada is a feminine name. The Ada language is named after Ada Lovelace.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ada_(programming_language)

load more comments (3 replies)

[–] [email protected] 15 points 4 months ago

Well in Poland we have so many girls named "Julia", so you know...

[–] [email protected] 13 points 4 months ago (2 children)

i'm ready for a perl renaissance

[–] [email protected] 14 points 4 months ago (4 children)

As a Perl developer: not going to happen.

load more comments (4 replies)

load more comments (1 replies)

[–] [email protected] 11 points 4 months ago

Imagine calling your kid KnockoutJS.

load more comments