this post was submitted on 12 Jun 2024
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[–] [email protected] 140 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (7 children)

Imagine living in a world where squirrel you startled would jump out of a bush and electrocute people. Or that flower you tried to pick was actually a pokemon and just sprayed you with sarin gas?

In that world I would empathize with gun nuts. How else will you deal with the 30-50 feral Lechonk that run into my yard within 3-5 mins while my small kids play?

[–] [email protected] 72 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Uhh, just punch it to death? It's a normal type, it's weak against fighting.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Type barely matters once you're 5 levels apart.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago

It might matter a little more in a 30v1 against angry New York commuters.

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[–] [email protected] 28 points 2 weeks ago

Imagine a world where someone can destroy a building by summoning a near 30ft rock snake inside it.

[–] Makeitstop 25 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Don't forget the psychic ones. Any world with abundant telepathy and mind control is pretty much guaranteed to be a dystopia.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Hypno was definitely one of the scariest Gen 1 pokemon.

While it awaits its prey, it polishes its pendulum. If anyone comes by, Hypno will hypnotize them and eat their dreams. It carries away people having good dreams and is even known to have stolen a child at one point.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

at one point

Weak sauce.

Drifloon:

Stories go that it grabs the hands of small children and drags them away to the afterlife. It dislikes heavy children.

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[–] [email protected] 24 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Imagine you are just going for a walk on the path near the creek. Then all of a sudden a Hitmonlee jumps out and just kicks you straight in the nuts. Or a 5ft scyther appears and slashes you in half. Or every year a gyarados appears in a random port city and just destroys everything. Lagos last year, Chicago this year, Singapore a decade ago, Rotterdam before that. Pidgeots fly at super sonic speeds and are large enough to prey on a golden retriever.

We would all be absolutely fucked if pokemon were real.

[–] corus_kt 16 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Sounds like the monster hunter universe doesn't it? We'd build knives out of Scyther blades, armor out of Steelixes and have cities/communities wrecked by the occasional boss monster wandering about. And probably domesticate the Pikachu to be palicoes.

[–] fishbone 5 points 2 weeks ago

To be fair, monster hunter goes buck fucking wild with calamities though.

"Hey hunter, rumor has it, your next target is either the devil sent to destroy the world, or possibly the mother of all creation. Here's some whetstones!"

"Sup hunter. Got a volcano on our hands. Do us a favor and kill it, would you? Don't forget your lucky cape."

"Oh hey! Hope you don't mind a little wind, cause your next quest is to kill the god of hurricanes! Best to take a quick dip in the sauna before you go."

"Hunter, how's it going? I know this week's been pretty crazy with the rogue fighter jet and the giant mech suit you killed already, but if you could just do me a solid and jump into that ominous pit and kill death itself for me, that'd be very cool of you. The chef made a nice fondue for you before you head out!"

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago

Endbringer Gyrados checks out.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 weeks ago

Humans have a tendency to make other animals go extinct, so much so that we've already killed hundred thousand of years of evolution. I wouldn't be too worried about the short-term effects on humans.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

In some regions of the world it's illegal to leave home without a gun. For this reason

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[–] [email protected] 37 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 weeks ago

The beedrills are 12 feet tall in Australia and breathe fire

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 weeks ago

Good luck training your red back spider to fight paralysis ticks

[–] corus_kt 34 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

In a world where Beedrill exists, I'm bringing fire pokemon absolutely everywhere. Hell, if they make a three foot cockroach pokemon, I'm never leaving the house again.

[–] CoolGirl586 22 points 2 weeks ago (6 children)
[–] BowtiesAreCool 22 points 2 weeks ago

Why’d they make it hot

[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 weeks ago

Why did they make it hot

[–] FloatingAlong 16 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

So it's an albino cockroach that exudes overwhelming sex pheromones?

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Why did they make it hot?

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 weeks ago

why did they make it hot

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 weeks ago

Hot did they make it why

[–] [email protected] 25 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

Snorlax randomly diverts traffic by napping in the worst place possible.

[–] WayTooDank 18 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Fortunately people have alternatives to driving and walking, because predatory birds (and some insects) grow large enough to carry a human.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] WayTooDank 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Bulbapedia says 1', 4 pounds.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Still technically puntable but you're going to have a hell of a sore ankle afterward.

Pidgeotto is 3 feet tall and 66 pounds, it could steal your kids if it wanted to.

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[–] samus12345 8 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

They're frequently used in protests!

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Imagine somebody unleashing a flock of Wailords in a protest

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Considering the relative size of a pokeball and a Wailord, a Wailord is a bomb. Just take your pokeball inside any building you don't want to exist anymore, and release the Wailord.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago

In lore pokemon can supposedly scale their size which is part of how the ball works (forcing them to miniaturize), but I don't recall any show ever showing unlimited resizing

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Just play the poké flute to wake it up. ♫♫♫

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago

Sure, just wake it up. Its that easy.

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[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 weeks ago

Imagine getting My Girl'd by a swarm of beedrill. McKauley Culkin would've had a closed casket funeral

[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

"Why do guns exist in Pokémon?"

Pokémon:

[–] SkybreakerEngineer 14 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago

Exactly. Why do you think people like it so much?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago

Digimon cannon parity

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I am afraid it looks more like an extruding pointy appendage.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 weeks ago

Don’t threaten me with a good time!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

There would absolutely be a fandom around getting fucked, in whichever hole, by those "drillers".

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I used to wish I lived in a world like Pokemon, with endless interesting creatures with crazy abilities

Then, I realized that Earth is that world, except we've just killed off most of the animal life. Even the fireflies... They used to be everywhere in summer, I recently met kids who had never seen one. I found two in the middle of the woods during summer - literally surrounded by miles of forest

We live on a dying paradise, and it's depressing

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago

The coolest thing about Pokemon, to me, was how all those creatures are also completely safe and easy to take care of as pets, and very easily domesticated by a 10 year old.

Like, fuck earth. I want a pet bear that fights for me.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Giant bee with drills on sticks? How lazy.

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago

Beedrill is the only real pokemon in this picture. You ever see a Japanese hornet? Those fuckers are huge!

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