You hang around some fucked up people. Nobody ever made a comment like that to me while raising my daughter.
this post was submitted on 09 Jan 2024
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Lemmy Dadsplain
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Typically, physical violence towards boys is seen as normal, expected and necessary. As violence is seen as the natural realm of males. While girls are perfect flowery princesses that must be protected. At least until puberty when everyone* who is not their parent seems to regard every teen girl as an incubator.
*: People who uncritically abscribe to traditional misogynistic conceptions of gender.
Bah. I love my friends’ kids but I’m not above joking that the dad should abandon his family when he can’t hang out. Or tie them to a stake in the backyard when he can’t get a sitter. Absurdity is funny when it’s obvious that it’s absurd.
I've never used corporal punishment, and I never will. Our worst case punishment is time-out (1 minute per year old). I still remember hearing about her reaction from her grandmother. The sheer horror on her face, when she discovered that nanny knew about time-outs!
Even timeouts generally aren't needed. It's been over half her lifetime since we last used it. Her respect and love for us is more than enough to enforce good behaviour. We actually have to be careful, the smallest bit of upset from us creates a disproportionate reaction in her. Knowing she's disappointed mummy or daddy hurts her more than any amount of beating with fists (open or closed) could achieve.
Just to add.
If people do advocate (even jokingly) for spanking, I take it seriously. I point out I am using the best scientific knowledge we currently have, to achieve the best results for her. If they don't immediately back down, with their tail between their legs, I point them at something like this :
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3447048/
I do try and be kind with the older generations however. They didn't know better, and often we're doing the best they could. That's no excuse for not adapting their advice to the times however.
I don't remember the lessons smacked into me as a child, but I did learned to avoid them by being pleasing and anxious about doing something wrong. Corporal punishment only serves the purpose of giving a feeling of control.
Wow, I've never had that.
Man I must be around a lot of shitheads I'd say at least a half dozen times
I'm with hitmyspot. Nobody has ever told me to hit my kids.
Consistent parenting, with follow through on consequences is obviously the best way. But some parents never provide expectationa or consequences and those are the kids the get the "they deserve a good smack" from the grandparent comments
I've had a conversation or two that went like that. Weird strangers telling me I should be kicking my kids ass. And they say it in front of my kids too.
If you’ve got parents around you telling you your kids are floating turds I’d have a good hard look at how you’re parenting. Or hey if everyone around you is insane maybe it’s just everyone is insane…
"a conversation or two"...
Know what? That their dad is a physically abusive loser who can't get his point across in words?
Goddamn ridiculous.
Thankfully this mentality seems to be onn the decline overall. Progress is slow but steady.