Ask Lemmy

26919 readers

2856 users here now

A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions

Please don't post about US Politics. If you need to do this, try [email protected]

Rules: (interactive)

1) Be nice and; have fun

Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them

2) All posts must end with a '?'

This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?

3) No spam

Please do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.

4) NSFW is okay, within reason

Just remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either [email protected] or [email protected]. NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].

5) This is not a support community.

It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions. If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email [email protected]. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.

Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.

Partnered Communities:

Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu

founded 1 year ago

MODERATORS

130

Where do I look when seated at a restaurant to seem normal? (self.asklemmy)

submitted 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) by _number8_ to c/asklemmy

57 comments fedilink hide all child comments

(when seated in a group with others, i should clarify. if i'm by myself i'm absolutely happy to be on my phone or book)

i genuinely have an issue. it's like....there's people on all sides. i need to rest my eyes somewhere, esp in a social setting which is already inherently a bit wearing

if you look down at your food, you look sad or disinterested or whatever
if you look at the ceiling that's insane, isn't it?

so that's down and up out. let's look at:

the sides, which have people there or nearly there, or obscuring the view of a nice window or painting, and you can't stare at people.

fuck fuck fuck. what about:

the center. oh no. this is the nightmare zone. let's break it down into 3 sections: the top contains their face, that's quite insane to look at. downwards, the table across from you with their food, that could seem like you're looking at their body very intently, can't do that. the middle? if it's a woman, then that's very much bad form. but if you're a guy generally attracted to women, part of your brain wants to look no matter what, at least a little. and since when you're sitting, forward is the most natural direction to look (you can't really turn around or move, particularly), so you keep coming back to it and AHH FUCK

fucking nightmare.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] littlewonder 5 points 6 months ago (1 children)

No, this isn't a typical thing people think about. Which is why it's associated with autism, (social) anxiety, and/or ADHD. Now, it doesn't mean you definitely have any of those, but it's something to consider as part of a larger picture.

I suggest you pursue medical/therapeutic support if you find that this anxiety is negatively affecting how you live your life :)

[–] VaultBoyNewVegas 3 points 6 months ago

I have ADHD and autism traits and I definitely have similar thoughts to op when I have to deal with unfamiliar situations. Like even a Drs appointment I have to mentally plan a conversation in my head about how they respond otherwise I'll forget to mention things.