I’m heteroromantic and pansexual, if that’s what you mean. I’m down to have sex and attracted sexually to people, regardless of their gender, but I don’t want to date women. I don’t get butterflies about women (maybe once or twice in my life), and I just don’t have the romantic pull towards them that I do men.

My husband is actually about the same. He’s never dated or really wanted to date men, but he does enjoy having sex with them. He tends to just identify as bi (as do I, if I’m not being really specific), but also rarely volunteers any information about it, which most people assume means straight, especially given he has a wife.

[–] Xanis 3 points 8 months ago (1 children)

This makes sense. I've struggled to follow the different monikers and identities. Fully, I just accept people and recognize and respect what they want to be identified as to the best of my ability, and apologize if I forget as I adjust. Thank you for putting terms to it. I didn't realize Pansexual meant that in context.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, the labels are a lot, which is why I generally just go with bi. I do always get a twinge, because it’s a pretty big barrier that homophobes think LGBTQA+ people are perverts, and we need to break down the idea that it’s all about sex, but then we actually use the terms that are all about sex, but the people who know enough to know that aren’t likely to be homophobic.

Pan vs. bi is also a sticky situation, because going by etymology, bi people should be attracted to two gender poles and pan people to the entire spectrum. Most (I hope) bi people reject this and don’t see a difference between bisexuality and pansexuality, but some transphobes use it as a dog whistle. I tend to ID as bi, but if I get any kind of terf vibes, I’ll specify that I’m pan.

Fully, I just accept people and recognize and respect what they want to be identified as to the best of my ability, and apologize if I forget as I adjust.

That’s all we can do.