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How do you deal with two people who you are close to and have to spend every day with...but one of them hates the other one? (self.asklemmy)

submitted 1 year ago by dingus to c/asklemmy

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I apologize if this isn't allowed, but I wasn't sure exactly where to put it. Just let me know if it's inappropriate and I'll delete. Thanks.

I'm a loner, so my life is basically just work and the internet. Two of my coworkers are among my favorite people in the whole world, but one of them doesn't like the other one and will complain to me about how they don't like them.

We work incredibly closely together...only a few feet apart for hours on end. Our job also necessitates that we frequently communicate with one another. In the beginning, I absolutely loved it and there was no conflict.

Now, I often get my one coworker complaining to me that the other is lazy. And I'm not going to lie, the "lazy" one definitely takes more breaks than everyone and doesn't at all work as hard as the others. But that doesn't really bother me because she's a super incredibly nice and friendly person.

But over time it has bothered my hardworking coworker more and more and driven a wedge into what I would have once considered to be a friendship between the 3 of us.

It never gets to the point where there is yelling or arguments or anything, but it absolutely ruins the mood and then I hear about it later.

I interact with these people for hours on end every single day and I'm just not sure how to handle it. I've been struggling to know how to deal with it for months now.

To top it all off it gives me endless paranoia that the hardworking coworker secretly resents me and hates me too. This stuff never used to happen before, but know I feel like it's all that happens.

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Look, you're never going to change the 'lazy' person, that's just how they are. You're also not going to change how the 'hard worker' person feels about the lazy person. What you can do is change how you react to this situation. You'll need to set some boundaries. Tell hard worker "listen, lazy is my friend too and I really don't like it when you talk about this person behind their back. It puts me in an uncomfortable situation and I would appreciate it if you would keep that topic to yourself." Friendships evolve and this will either make it or break it. If it breaks, then hard worker was never that great of a friend to begin with. A friend respects boundaries.

Good luck, OP