this post was submitted on 03 Oct 2023
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Parents who shout at their children or call them “stupid” are leaving their offspring at greater risk of self-harm, drug use and ending up in jail, new research claims.

Talking harshly to children should be recognised as a form of abuse because of the huge damage it does, experts say.

The authors of a new study into such behaviour say “adult-to-child perpetration of verbal abuse … is characterised by shouting, yelling, denigrating the child, and verbal threats”.

“These types of adult actions can be as damaging to a child’s development as other currently recognised and forensically established subtypes of mistreatment such as childhood physical and sexual abuse,” the academics say in their paper in the journal Child Abuse & Neglect.

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[–] crypticthree 20 points 1 year ago (44 children)

Although I don't think verbal abuse is acceptable, I think that equivalency is a bit much

[–] [email protected] 45 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You miss-read (or didn't read) the article if that's your take-away. It's saying the long-term effects can be roughly the same. It's not equivocating the actions themselves.

[–] Nima 0 points 1 year ago (1 children)

the title is purposely misleading is what I think they meant.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Then I disagree with that assessment. "can be as damaging" speaks to the effects of the act, not its inherent heinousness.

[–] [email protected] 37 points 1 year ago (1 children)

They're not equivocating the malice of verbal abuse vs. sexual abuse. They are equivocating the damage this kind of abuse can do to children, which their research supports. There's no reason to take offense as if they were taking a stand on the non-severity child sexual abuse, which they are not.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

I guess I'm surprised sexual abuse doesn't do more damage

[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 year ago

Verbal abuse when I was growing up was backed up with the threat of physical abuse. And having been bit and hit by my dad, and seeing my mom and older brother hit by my dad, those verbal threats carried a lot of weight.

I've walked on eggshells around my dad and every man that reminded me of him my whole life. It's affected my relationships and made it impossible to hold down a job as most bosses have the same authoritarian streak my dad did.

So yeah, verbal abuse is damaging. Rather it's equivalent to other forms of abuse I can't say. But it took me 44 years and a skilled emdr therapist to finally heal enough that I don't feel overwhelmed whenever I get emotional.

And for much of the last fifteen years I've been trying to find a therapist that took my trauma seriously and knew how to help me with it. So many misdiagnosis (anxiety, substance use, and depression were symptoms, but not the diagnosis that helped). Many suicide attempts. Many psych meds that didn't help. Many many years feeling unheard by the medical establishment.

So yeah, it's damaging.

[–] JustZ 19 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Why?

I will say, verbal abuse is harder to pinpoint.

In some ways, it's easier to have a source of trauma to point to and say "that's the cause," so you can address and treat it.

I was verbally abused. My inner dialogue was one of critisism, guilt and shame, that I didn't realize until well into adulthood. I thought that was how everyone talked to themselves.

If I had been physically abused, I would have known about it. Much less insidious to the mind.

E: Was also just thinking about triggers. If you were a victim of physical trauma, your triggers might be very obvious. With verbal trauma, for me anyway, they were much less obvious. To think back, I went years and years having fight or flight reactions for no obvious reason, often manifested as anxiety or poor impulse control, wasted so many days just feeling anxious instead of working on myself. One trigger for me is loud voices. Had no idea until well into adulthood things started making sense. Damn near had a panic attack one day when a chef started yelling at the line cooks while I was waiting for my order.

[–] aceshigh 3 points 1 year ago

absolutely. verbal abuse doesn't leave anything physical behind, which makes it much harder to pinpoint the cause and effect. so you might be feeling depressed and anxious but not understand why because dissociative amnesia become your normal response to verbal abuse.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

While what you and I feel doesn't matter much, we truly need a scientific study of this. Oh, wait! That's what this was. Please defer to objective consensus...

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