Ask Lemmy

In my experience, it takes months or even years of being in the same orbit of some people to actually become friends with them. It usually starts with meeting for coffee after an event, or some other time that works for both of you. I'm in the PNW (Pacific Northwest), so coffee is our go to. Just keep showing up, make sure you strike up conversations with people, and when it feels right ask them to swap contact info with you.

The American social fabric is very damaged. As a result of focusing on isolation, the suburban lifestyle prevents most Americans from being communally minded.

The only places that Americans mix with other people tend to be:

• Work
• School
• Bars
• Church
• Social clubs

School is where most people make their lasting friendships, otherwise work is far and away the most common of the other 4.

In my experience social clubs are the easiest place to approach someone you don't know, second only to church... but most Americans are task oriented thinking only about completion of their "task" at whatever function they attend. (I'm here to play soccer, after the soccer game my task is complete so I'm leaving).

Small towns sometimes have friendlier and more approachable people but generally will be fairly insular and suspicious of outsiders... not to mention the drama that tends to fester in those little pockets.

All of which is to say: socializing in America is a complete mess and it's mostly driven by echoes of the cold war paranoia/white flight/sensationalist crime obsessed news that gutted our cities and made everyone suspicious of each other.

I think this is a major culture difference between your home country and US. What you describe is not how people in America socialize. The closest comparison would be college years, where you live in a small walkable town, typically with roommates, and don’t have too many responsibilities. If you want to recreate that then I’d recommend grad school. Or move to Chicago or ny city or small college town. The suburbs is generally where people move to focus on work and family, social lives change to be more around family, neighbors, and their kids school. It will be hard for a young person to make friends there. East coast has a bit more social culture than the rest of the US but it really depends city to city. West coast everyone is nice and relaxed but socially cliquey, it can be impossible to break into a friend group. Midwest everyone is nice but social events are more in the home over meals, more of a family vibe.

Usually you don't just approach strangers and start talking, unless you're in a bar or a social club. That can be perceived as weird here. Although , you can have varying degrees of success with it depending on how attractive you are (I know, the world is unfair).

Have you considered joining something like the Rotary Club, or the Fraternal Order of the Eagles? Those types of groups are all about fraternization and accomplishing goals together.

Chicago is a big baseball town. You could learn about baseball and go to a game. You probably won't meet anyone at a game, but it'll get you pumped up about the sport. Baseball is pretty boring until you attend a game. Once you've been to the ballpark and felt the energy, the game will suddenly click for you. Then get yourself a Cubs hat and start going to a sports bar on game nights. It's completely appropriate and common to talk to people there. Cheer together about the game. Complain loudly about the umpire, and bond with your fellow fans. After attending a few times you'll start to recognize people who show up regularly. They won't all drink, btw, so that doesn't need to be a concern. You can exchange contact information with people you get along with. Heck, find a decent sized group of friends there and offer to be a designated driver. That will immediately earn you some popularity points and people will be calling you every week to see if you want to carpool to the game.