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How can I deal with not being able to help with other people's problems whom I care about? (self.asklemmy)

submitted 1 year ago by dingus to c/asklemmy

22 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Hi all. Apologies if this isn't the right community for this type of question. Just let me know and I'll remove it.

Recently I've been struggling a bit. There are a few people in my life right know who I care deeply about. They are going through some very rough times right now. (Ex: money issues, sick relatives, etc.)

I am very frustrated because I hear about what's going on all the time and I am powerless to do anything to help. The advice I've had in the past is "just be a friend and be there for them," but there is only so far I am mentally and even physically able to go with that. All I want to do is to fix it and make it better for them but I can't.

And it's been making me go a bit crazy tbh. It's pretty narcissistic of me to be reacting this way, but I can't help it. I don't tell these people that I am stressed out because of them and I don't tell them that it is affecting me in any way. It's such an asshole move for me to be feeling this way but I just don't know how to get out of it.

I try to be nice and friendly all the time, but it's killing me. I just want to be able to help but I can't. I'm completely and totally powerless.

Surely there are those of you out there who care about others and have run into this issue before. What the actual fuck am I supposed to do? "Just be a friend" doesn't help my mental state or do anything for any of the issues that any of us have.

Thanks all.

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[–] dingus 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I went to one therapy session once and got a bill of like $200 after insurance for the one session. I have no clue how people afford to do that on a regular basis. People scoff at things like Better Help, but it seems like it's probably the only affordable option if your insurance isn't great.

My point is, “just being there” is code for listening supportively, validating someone’s feelings, and helping them regain the balance they need to address their problems themselves.

I do try this, but I only seem to have so much stamina for it. I can't stand seeing them in pain, and I seem to have run out of ability to be there. Because it hurts too much to see them in pain like that. So I don't know where to go from here.

[–] elephantium 2 points 1 year ago

It depends on the insurance plan. My current plan covers therapy 100%, no copay.

The plan before this, I think it was a $50 copay. Not too bad in this context.

The plan before that, IIRC, was "LOL talk to us after you've hit your deductible" :(

OTOH...my therapist doesn't even charge $200 to begin with. That def helps in my case.