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That was kind of painful to read, knowing how much further along I could be in life if I'd had some support at some of the crucial points where my strength failed me.
Unfortunately, my experience has been that if you've been through hardship, people sort of pick up on that and regard you as damaged goods. If you're lucky they'll take pity on you, but more often they'll actively or passively try to shut you out. That goes for both the professional and familial setting.
Brother I've been thru my share, let me tell you.
Shit July 6th my home burnt down. Everything. Lost. Wife woke me up at 5am pushing me screaming FIRE
I look up, entire wall and ceiling are already burning. We run out, 60secs later the roof collapsed where we were sleeping.
That's just the latest of challenges this life has thrown my way. Clearly I'm playing the master quest. It's just back to back boss battles at this point with no time to heal or save in-between.
Yr first sentence is what led me to my advocating for advocacy. An idea that, might possibly be getting spread elsewhere, but it's entirely absent in my life.
And so, be the change you want to see, right? I've spotted a void, that means I also have a chance to fill it for those behind me. My personal ethos; I consider it an obligation to do so. If you spot the problem, you've also inherited the responsibility to act on it. Cuz fuck you entropy, not today.
You second thought I actually disagree with and I'll tell you the distinctions that allowed me to grow beyond that pov.
• No one can know everything, we aren't alive long enough, it's a physical impossibility. Be quick to admit your limits, and abandon wrong positions, without shame, the moment you know better. It's better to adhere to the truth than to your ego. You can't build anything solid off falsehoods, or ego. Any solid foundations are built off truth.
• Denying help from someone else does NOT make you look better, more competent or stronger. It makes you alone.
And forgotten.
No one, including you, will waste space remembering your misallocation of stoicism. BEYOND THAT; you actively harm your relationship with whoever offered, by refusing to allow for it to grow by accepting help. You also deny them the chance to be their best self, which I think we subconsciouly learn to resent people for. Accepting help, and legitimately offering it, is pro-social, which we humans are. Therefore, it's the only moral response (morality being entirely built of behavior that reinforces and strengthens the tribe).
• If you can't help yourself, help someone else.
• If your life sucks and you don't do anything about it, you are accepting the same outcome. "Better the devil you know" =bullshit. Accepting suffering will crush your spirit and kill yr soul. Depression, anxiety, all kinds of ways it will manifest. Doing something drastic that you have no idea how it will turn out =at least you have hope then. If known A = guaranteed suck. Unknown B has the chance to be better. It might not be, but when shit sucks does it matter what color the shit is? Go bravely into the night.
• It's better to die on your feet than live on your knees. You are who you are. You don't need any approval or acceptance to exist. Looking for it actually makes it less likely you'd receive it regardless.
With all that said there's finally this • When you arrive at rock bottom, no one else is there. And no one is going to help you while ur there. Until they see you climbing out. We've all been burned. We've all been taken advantage of. People naturally help in times of catastrophe. People WANT to help. But people, generally, are walking bags of Capitalism PTSD. It's like finding love, you only find it when your busy improving yourself. People want to be there on the accent.
Life teaches you how to discern, you develop eyes to only help those who'll appreciate it and not squander it. It's part of the wisdom that can only come with age.
I expause advocacy because those of us who can see it and appreciate it for what it is can help each other not have to slide so far back =itll speed up the progress of all of our individual journeys.
There's much more experience gained, imo, from helping others than receiving help. But Graciousness is often overlooked and it's a scalable attribute all in itself. We all need to sink more proficiency points into exercising Grace and being Gracious. All of us. Myself included.
It's no mistake that when we see mastery (of anything) in action we describe it as being Graceful.
I'm not sure if it counts but I regularly send positive feedback on my colleagues to my higher ups, mostly unprompted.
I'm not very knowledgeable or impressive in any way so I couldn't mentor or help anyone really, but the least I can do is give them a push in the right direction even if it doesn't affect me in the long run.
I've trained quite a few newcomers who have since risen above me in rank.
Of all the actions a person can do that lend itself towards engendering compassion, empathy or altruism there is none more so than effort.
Whatever you're doing, even if you don't know it all, even if it isn't the best, simply make sure it looks like you care.
Small things. Like putting a potted lavender outside your front door, or whatever. It shows your attention to detail that primarily effects other people. It makes you approachable. It's the difference between your neighbors knocking on your door when your too loud or them filing a complaint or calling the police, both of which could have ramifications down the line.
It's a soft skill, sure, but it greases so many wheels I can't even begin to detail.
My yard is kept tidy. It's not finished, sculpted, or anything much special. But it's on purpose. Not always clean, I usually have some construction or project I'm working on, but that's always temporary. Im generally reclusive. I'd rather build my stuff and sell what Ive made or build for someone else and be left alone. But I'm always offering to help everyone with their projects. Rarely taken up, but like clockwork, I always extend help.
My obvious display of care over what's under my supervision is, honestly, defensive. I get the benefit of the doubt. My neighbors don't sick code enforcement on me, regardless of what I'm doing (which is all within code regardless, but county given the call will come out, Everytime.)
Again, it's a soft skill. A subtle thing, but it'll help you stand out, unconsciously at the very least.