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What is the etiquette for skipping after-work events? (self.asklemmy)

submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by shortrounddev to c/asklemmy

18 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I work remote, but occasionally have to travel to New York City for in-office events. During these events I sit in a conference room with the rest of my team all day. We usually have a team dinner planned during the week or something.

Tuesday I got into New York and later that night we went out to dinner. This ended up going until 10:30pm, which is pretty late for me (I usually am in bed by 10). It was also announced that day that we would go bowling today (Wednesday). After a day of sitting in a conference room for 8 straight hours, I really didn't feel like going out with my coworkers or drinking beer til 10 or 11 at night. I told my coworkers I was going to skip it because I wanted to go to the gym and I made something up about having to file my taxes by tonight, but I think they generally understood that I just didn't want to go.

I also was never explicitly invited; we were just told "we are going bowling on Wednesday", so I think there was the expectation that I go, but I strongly feel that nobody should be obligated to go to an after-work event (especially since I already went to one).

How would you handle the situation? How do you get out of these kinds of events?

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[–] wiLD0 36 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

I just say ‘sorry, it’s been a long day, I’m socially exhausted, see y’all tomorrow morning.’ And it 100% shows on my face.

But that works because it’s an engineering team and introversion is fine and understood. We've definitely had feedback from some engineers that a full 8 hours of group work, and then dinner, and some social event after that is too much. Managers have learned since to just cut some meetings and make the social events part of the normal work hours.

This probably doesn’t work as well for the departments full of people who like to talk a lot.