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How would you explain to a date that you have an abusive family and you're the only sane person? (self.asklemmy)

submitted 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) by sprigatito_bread to c/asklemmy

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As far as I know, the current culture around dating/relationships includes meeting your SO's family and letting them meet yours. And probably sometime on the first few dates, at least asking about family. Problem is, my family is batshit insane.

My parents are in an abusive relationship and constantly scream at each other
My father is a violent abuser who avoids talking to people because he can't even pretend to be sane
I had to raise myself because most of their advice was hateful trash; they tried to raise me into a bigoted loner asshole who only cares about himself and ties his self-worth to pretending he's better than everyone else
My brother is an emotionally volatile gun owner in a relationship with an insane psycho who abused her cat to death
They all believe that people who are different should be suppressed or purged from society because God or something

I think at this point, my family may be too dangerous to maintain ties to at all. I really wish I could burn it all down and start over, but I might not be so lucky due to my fledgling financial situation.

Ridding myself of my family's influence has been a decade-long project that I've been working hard on, and I gotta say, "Your parents raised you well" has got to be my least favorite compliment.

Jokes aside, I'm interested in hearing about experiences from others in similar situations. How did you talk about it?

I feel like this is an unavoidable red flag either way for a lot of people (After all, how would anyone know that I'm as sane as I claim to be?), but I'd still like to find the least horrible way to talk about it without lying.

Thanks!

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago

I would inform potential dates that there really isn't going to be a family for them to meet and that I am probably the last representative of that family. If they ask me if they're going to have a father-in-law or a mother-in-law, I would tell them it is probably in title only.

The goal is to spare your dates or would-be newlyweds from getting involved with what drama or dysfunctionality your family has gone through. You are doing your date a huge favor.