this post was submitted on 17 Feb 2025
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Never take advice from internet strangers. But it nonetheless will be given, so here goes.
Tell your partner your relationship will not last without change, and that you want to have small, short conversations with takeaway actions more regularly. My guess is that's the truth, and communication, even a little, can help tremendously when both parties engage.
Saying your relationship will fail and end bluntly will make them scared of that actually happening, because they most likely currently feel secure enough in the relationship to ignore your needs. This is common unfortunately, often born of time and repetitiveness.
Make sure they ubderstand that conversation doesn't have to he daunting (that will scare then), but simple and easy single topics at a time. The first few may be longer, but they will get shorter, and tell them that you are open to talking to someone together if they feel it is warranted or have trouble having those conversations on their own (that alone may spur them to engage).
Peppering in positive commentary or actions, like what you enjoy from them (especially what they do for you) and positive actions (like planning a weekend away or a night out) can also help take the strain out of the conversations, too.
Sorry you are going through this, mental and/or emotional dissatisfaction in a relationship is rough, but assuming you really want to work through it, it is possible to get brick walls to move.
No. I am in a relationship now and we both didn't really care that it was valentines. We played boardgames I think, I am not sure which day it was. Don't get idiotic over presents or which number in the roman calendar represents the current tilt of the planet. Live life instead.
If it sucks to be with someone, it's because you don't fit. Don't blame. Don't try to change them. Don't sink into anger. Then you're the asshole. Leave. It should be fun and feel nice to live with someone. Don't let the assholes win.
What? No to communication? Yes to just bail? Thanks for bringing the Reddit vibe.
Your situation sounds great, it is in fact similar to mine. But guess what, it's not unique, and your relationship is not better than comment OPs because you and your partner are on the same page on holidays and presents. No one is talking about changing a person, we talk about changing behavior.
They could be compatible in a thousand different ways except this one, you have no idea. And if you think your relationship is perfect without communication around the things that aren't, then either that relationship is new, or your partner isn't being honest with you.
Yes to communication, no to whatever is going on with saying they need presents on valentines. It's not my type and I have seen enough people trying to mold their partners. My alarm bells go off when you say change behavior to someone that will then be forced to give presents. Do you think they will be happy with the presents? It's so likely that it becomes childish when you know that they are guaranteed to find a new thing that irks them. When you age you will learn this.
Stop wasting your life on people that don't like you. And stop clinging to someone as if nobody else can love you. When you don't act like yourself it is impossible to see and love you for who you are. That simple.
Read the comment again. No one is talking about presents but you.
Don't change the topic, it's a very childish way to reject an argument you can't argue with because you realise you are wrong