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How do I help my neighbor feel more comfortable asking for help? (self.asklemmy)

submitted 11 hours ago by Thebular to c/asklemmy

27 comments fedilink hide all child comments

My neighbor is in her 70s. I'm in my late 20s and live in the apartment upstairs from her, so when it snows I like to help clean off her car/shovel out her parking spot. Today she tried to pay me after I helped her. I don't want to accept the money, but want her to still feel comfortable asking for help/not feel like she's taking advantage of me. How should I go about this? Maybe ask her for something small so she feels like she's helping me too? It's never any trouble helping her with the snow removal, it never takes more than half an hour

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 hours ago

Another perspective, from a woman in her 70s. It's lovely that you're being so thoughtful. But this whole thread reminds me of a train journey I made a little while ago. A young man took a seat next to an older woman, maybe in her 60s. For a hundred miles or so he told her loudly about his life - university, sports, ambitions. She got off at her station, "lovely to meet you" etc. He then phoned a friend and told them, "Yes I'm on the train, just been chatting to an old dear, keeping her company..."

All of us "old dears" in the vicinity were smirking and side-eyeing each other, it was hilarious. My point is, are you sure she's decrepit? I'd be a little taken back if someone did chores for me unbidden, however well motivated. And although I live alone, I'm not lonely. I'm not criticising your kind impulses, just warning you against being a touch patronising.