this post was submitted on 17 Jan 2025
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The idea that each American had an NSA agent tracking them is silly. There’s not enough agents to do that!
But each person having a Chinese spy assigned to them? Hell, China is so big you could have THREE people assigned to you for all we know.
I've got a baker, a retiree, and a preschooler monitoring my activities. They couldn't believe how easy it was to engage with me over various messenger apps and convince me to install spyware on my devices.
Now if you can get the retiree and the preschooler to convince the baker you could have a pretty sweet cake connection! Quid pro quo, for every cake I'll install a new app!
They actually sent me home security cameras along with cake from my local Chinese bakery. They told me I could be best protected if I installed one in each room, including my bathroom.
Oh god then he did the flying dickie