Something that's helped me a lot was realizing that it's just a really lazy coping/defense mechanism from the brain. Being trans is kind of (incredibly) scary, and so it's just those echos of fear and doubt saying "Well, maybe if you just weren't trans, things would be way easier!". Then you can calmly tell that to shut the hell up, and continue living your best life :3

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

Thank you, I love collecting coping mechanisms.

For me the question: "Am i cis then?" really helps too, cause I can confidently deny that one haha

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

As someone who is close to living half my life post-transition, I wouldn’t say it ever went away completely for me but I would say it doesn’t bother me anymore. Because like, so what if I’m not ‘really’ trans? I’m clearly and obviously happier now. I think that fear, for me, comes from on some level believing that if I find out I’m not trans that means I’ll have to detransition… a totally cis thing to fear 🤣

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

Thank you for the comment! Hearing different experiences is very helpful!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

You really are exactly what you really are. Whether that's cis, or trans, or NB, or a secret fourth thing, those are all just labels. The label doesn't matter. What does matter is whether you feel that you're doing the right thing for you. Everything, and I mean everything, is all made up in our heads. You are a brain inside a dark jar piloting a meaty skeleton on a spinning rock whipping through space. Even our direct sensory input is all mediated by the brain. Therefore, nothing is true, in a really empirical sense, in a way we're capable of measuring. Everything is all made up by the brain.

And if nothing is true, then everything is permitted. You do you, in the way that feels right to you, and don't you let anyone stop you. This is about your personal truths, which are as true to you as anything can be to anyone. If you think you really are trans then you are. If you think you aren't then you don't have to be. There is no objective measure of truth here.

[–] Pilferjinx 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

We crave labels. We always have a desire to define who we are. The alternative is uncertainty and that feels really uncomfortable. I have been trying to dismantle my definitions in my older age to get closer to the source.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

There need be no uncertainty. You are the absolute center of your self. Whatever you feel is absolute law within the confines of your own consciousness. Sometimes easily applicable labels are nice as a vehicle for relating to others, I grant you that much, but they are by no means required to define a sense of self. I am Me, and the infinite wonder and terror that that defines can't be described by my words. But I know it. I could pick my own soul out of a police lineup, and you could too with yours, even if they don't have name tags on. We are all unique creatures. Labels are useful tools but worrying over them to the point of stress defeats their purpose.

Just be who you are, and adopt labels as you see fit, but don't be worried if you don't find one that fits you just right. And don't be afraid to take one just to discard it later for a better fit. It's a mask, not a face.